Adventures of the Fanfiction Fellowship
by Tierney Beckett
Summary: Read and review, please! As their battle with fanfiction draws to a close, the Fanfiction Fellowship realizes they have to say goodbye to one another. And then they realize that maybe getting rid of fanfiction wasn't the BEST idea they ever had...
1. And So It Begins

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or the various movies/books I stole them from.

A/N: This story was originally published in March of 2004. I'd like to think that I've grown at least a little as a writer between the ages of 25 and 30. And upon reviewing this story (particularly the early chapters) I felt I should tweak and polish it. I have removed the original story, faithfully copying and pasting every review I received on it and saving it to a flash drive. That was the hardest part of taking the story down…removing those reviews. But I felt that taking the original story down was necessary. And the reviews are safe, sound, and being thoroughly cherished.

Special thanks to Dreamstrifer, whose re-working of her much beloved story 'The Fresca Files' inspired me to do the same with this one.

Hope you enjoy!

* * *

_Minas Tirith: the official chambers of King Elessar and Queen Arwen_

"Estel!"

Arwen pushed through the crowd of healers that surrounded the King of Gondor, anxious to reach her husband's side. She grasped her hand in his and the contact made him turn his head towards her. He attempted a smile, but as he looked up at her, his grey eyes filled with pain and Arwen could already see that he was badly injured. She knew this hunt had been a bad idea. But Aragorn had been so set on the idea of some time with 'just the guys' that she hadn't had the heart to fight him on it. Besides, it was just a hunt. What harm ever came from going on a simple hunt?

"Faramir, tell me what happened," she said, barely casting a glance towards her friend as she attempted to soothe Aragorn. She felt the Steward place a hand on her shoulder and was grateful for his gesture of comfort.

"It was quite unexpected, my queen," Faramir began. "A very tragic accident."

"Accident?" Arwen turned her full attention on Faramir now. He gulped a little, not wanting to finish the story. But, he reasoned, it was better that the queen hear it from him than from someone else in the court. Glancing around the room, he decided the conversation would be much easier in private.

"Perhaps we could discuss this in another room, your Majesty? It might make it easier for the healers to do their work."

Arwen started to protest, but realized that she would be of no help to the healers. They had already begun to strip Aragorn of his clothing to get a better look at the wound. Nodding, she led Faramir across the hall into her own private rooms. Before he shut the door behind them, however, she heard one of the healers speak.

"Looks as if the arrow went clean through. That could be a good thing."

"The arrow?" she echoed, her eyes meeting Faramir's questioningly. She had thought Aragorn was attacked by some sort of animal. It had been the most logical conclusion.

"Queen Arwen, there are…special circumstances surrounding King Elessar's wound," Faramir knew he was simply stalling. The armies of Mordor he could face. The wrath of his Elven queen was something else entirely.

"Do not mince words with me, Faramir," Arwen cut in, the tone of her voice matching the sudden iciness of her eyes. "I would have you tell me what has happened to my husband."

Faramir fought back a wince at the slight rebuke, wondering not for the first time how it was possible for someone so innately gentle and kind to possess the ability to stab at a man's heart with only her words.

"We had split up. Your husband had suggested a contest. Whoever brought home the most meat was the winner. And the winner received..."

He was stalling again. Arwen held up her hand, cutting him off.

"Faramir," she began, willing herself to be patient. "I am not interested in the contest nor am I interested in the prize. It is enough to know that you split up."

"Yes, my queen. I apologize," a nod of acceptance reassured Faramir and he went on. "Well, it seems that Prince Legolas was on his way to Minas Tirith to visit with you and the king. Master Gimli was with him as well. They had decided to stop and make camp for the evening, but they needed some fresh meat and so Prince Legolas went on a hunt."

"Is this going anywhere, Faramir?" Arwen inquired, running out of patience with her friend.

"Yes, it is. Prince Legolas saw movement in a large bush and let his arrow fly. The cry of pain that followed assured him that he had not shot an animal. Queen Arwen, your husband was shot through the chest by Prince Legolas."

Arwen stared at Faramir, shocked beyond speech. Legolas? It couldn't be. Rage filled her as she thought of the Elf. How many times had he been with her husband and been unable to protect him or been the direct cause of his injuries? This was too much. No more.

She opened her mouth to speak, but another thought hit her. Legolas was an Elf. Not only that, but he was a warrior. It was child's play for an Elf such as him to track and kill an animal. And Legolas was not the type to aim his arrows at just anything that made noise. Besides, if anyone could sense her husband's presence besides her, it was Legolas. None of this made any sense.

'Exactly' said a little voice in Arwen's head. 'None of this makes any sense. So what conclusion does that bring you to?'

"Oh, no. Not again," groaned Arwen. She sighed and rolled her eyes before leaning against the wall in a decidedly un-elflike manner. Faramir observed her, baffled. This reaction was not what he expected.

"Are you alright, Arwen?" he asked, venturing to return to the informal way they usually addressed each other.

"I'm fine, I suppose. No, I'm not fine. I'm very tired. Tired and exasperated and frustrated and..." she trailed off, noticing the confusion on Faramir's face. "Never mind. Where is Legolas right now, Faramir?"

The commotion in the hall outside answered her question before he could. Arwen and Faramir ran out into the corridor where their eyes met a very interesting sight.

Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood, was barreling down the hallway, fighting off guards right and left. Gimli was behind him, looking thoroughly apologetic for his friend's behavior. Four guards managed to grab Legolas at once and restrain him somewhat.

"Let me through!" yelled the Elf. "I must see him! I must make sure he will be alright! Let me through!"

"Guards, release Prince Legolas at once!" commanded Arwen. The guards complied and Legolas, through the haze of his worry and anger, singled out Arwen's voice and began to calm down.

"Arwen, I am so sorry. I should have known. Have you seen him? Will he live?"

Arwen regarded her friend of centuries with an odd expression of detachment. She was so very tired. Sighing, she nodded slowly.

"I have seen him, Legolas. And, yes, he will live."

Faramir looked at Arwen in surprise. She made her last statement as fact, not as a belief.

"May I see him?"

"Of course, Legolas. Follow me."

The group made their way into the room where Aragorn lay on his bed. The healers had already bandaged the wound and were already working on herbal mixtures to speed the healing. They weren't quite sure if King Elessar would live. Arwen made her way to the bedside and took Aragorn's hand in hers. He looked at her and once again attempted a smile.

"Undomiel.." he began, but Arwen cut him off.

"Don't speak, meleth nin," she said, dropping a kiss just above his eyebrow. "You need your strength. I have brought you a visitor."

Aragorn's eyes widened a bit when he first saw Legolas. Then they narrowed and he turned his head away from his friend. Legolas stepped forward, determined that Aragorn would speak to him.

"Estel, I am sorry. These must seem like weak words, indeed, considering what I have done. I would never intentionally harm you, mellon nin. Please, please forgive me."

Aragorn remained as he was, not even acknowledging the presence of Legolas, who grew more distraught by the minute. Even Gimli and Arwen, the two people in the room who knew him best, were alarmed at the emotion he began to display.

"Please, please, mellon nin. Say I am forgiven. I could not live without your friendship."

Legolas went on like this for a bit before finally dropping to his knees at the side of the bed, his eyes filled to the brim with tears. Gimli muttered a few things about 'pointy-eared princelings' and tried to ignore the whole embarrassing scene. After watching Legolas for a few more moments, Arwen turned to Faramir.

"I have urgent business to attend to, Faramir. Will you summon your wife to meet with me in the gardens in ten minutes?"

Faramir who, by now, was in a perpetual state of confusion, could do nothing but nod his head. Satisfied, Arwen turned and left the room.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''_Ten minutes later – Private Gardens of Queen Arwen_

"You sent for me, Arwen?"

Arwen turned to her friend, whose expression was a mixture of concern and puzzlement. She smiled warmly at the Lady of Ithilien and indicated a nearby stone bench. The two women sat down together.

"It's happening again, Eowyn," she said, unable to keep the edge out of her voice.

"What's happening?"

"You know what I mean. Aragorn's brush with death, Legolas/Faramir/Gimli's overwhelming guilt. The incident that nearly ruins their friendship."

"Oh, that."

Eowyn's voice was flat.

"And everything was going so well, too," Arwen lamented. "Eowyn, what are we going to do?"

"I understand how you feel, Arwen," her friend reassured her. "Faramir isn't quite as bad as Aragorn, of course, but there are still times when I could just scream."

"I just don't know what to do. If Aragorn isn't mortally wounded or if he hasn't lost one of his closest friends due to tragedy, he's 'discovering new feelings' for someone. The last time was a month ago. Do you know he almost left me for Legolas?"

"No!"

"Yes. And the month before that it was you!"

"Are you serious?"

"Dead serious. I even had to deal with him confessing his undying love for Frodo once. It was very strange. But I think the worst ones, the only ones that really hurt, are when these strange, exotically beautiful girls start showing up and he falls in love with them instantly. Then, just as suddenly, they disappear."

"Now I have had a few of those," admitted Eowyn. "And all of them disappear just as quickly as you describe."

"It's those fanfic authors," Arwen's voice took on a dangerous tone. It was as close to growling as an Elf could possibly get. "Grandmother warned me about them before she left for Valinor, but I didn't pay any attention to her. She's always and forever talking about the 'doom of man' or the 'end of Middle Earth'."

"What is a fanfic?" asked Eowyn, clearly perplexed.

"Well, the way Grandmother explained it to me is this. Apparently, there is another world besides Middle Earth. Now, while we may know nothing about their world, they know all about ours. Grandmother said our lives were written down by a man and the people in the other world think he made it all up. But they love to read about us. She also said that his books were made into something called a 'motion picture'. There are thousands of girls all over that world who are in love with our husbands and their friends. From what I understand, Legolas is the most popular one of all."

"That hardly seems fair," Eowyn said, feeling the need to defend her husband, whom she considered much better looking than Legolas. Arwen rolled her eyes slightly.

"I understand how you feel, Eowyn, but that is not the point I'm trying to make. Quite a few of these stories are harmless. They affect us not at all. But some of them are so well written, so descriptive, that they capture the very essence of our characters. It is the authors of this stories that are to be feared. Their imaginations play havoc with our world. I know they don't mean any harm. After all, they think we're just a figment of someone else's imagination. But they don't realize how truly talented they are nor do they realize that we truly do exist."

Both women were silent for a little while as they pondered this new threat to their world. Orcs could be beaten with swords and bows. Ringwraiths could be held at bay with Elven magic. But what could possibly defeat this unknown enemy?

"Well, then, what do we do?" Eowyn finally asked

"I don't know, Eowyn," Arwen shook her head as her mind raced with possible ways to fight this evil. "But something must be done quickly. And I'm going to fix this before it gets out of hand."

* * *

A/N: Well, that's all. Like it? Hate it? Please don't flame me. This is my first attempt at Lord of the Rings fanfic and at blatant humor. Please! Give me feedback!

Another special shout-out: To all those who reviewed the original story. I tried to compile a list of everyone, but I may have left someone out….

Mata, Mathilde, Mercury Gray, LadyDeb1970, Star-Stallion, Nuklear Firefly, Ciel-Undomiel, Estel-Rules, Naoko, The Last Evenstar, Silver Nemesis, Julia, A.E. Hall, Athena Diagon Cat, Dernhelm, Feawen Minyatur, Eleanor Rigbey, irish babe, Morrwen, Dreaming n Watercolors, Angoliel, kelinor, nephthys5, Roisin Dubh, Violet, Caboose, Amara, Rem-chan, Astievia, Undead, Minion of the, XNemesis, Book-addict, Belphegor, Dreamstrifer, Nyltiak, The Woods Witch, Idril Falastari, Cotume of Doriath, Delta Queen, Sache8, shie1dmaidenofrohan, SwordSwallower17, technetium, Elf Eye, lindahoyland, Minion of Sekhmet, Smoltenica, ShadowDemoness413, Lilybet, Kapri of the Kanohi Menai, iHedge, fireboltcrazed


	2. A Chat With Celeborn

A/N 2009: I have a very strange mind. And one of the most fun things about this story was the random skits I sometimes did and the shout-outs that came at the beginning of the chapter. Before the days of replying directly to a review came about. Because this is my story and I have never been accused of being normal, I will be leaving those intact at times. Mostly because they sometimes have a direct influence on the chapter. If you have no desire to read them, just skip down to that little line that indicates the beginning of the chapter. Also, my pen name was Terreis when this was first published and, for reasons that will become clearer later on in the story, I'm leaving all that in here.

**End of A/N 2009**

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Lord of the Rings, the estate of J.R.R. Tolkien, or the various other movies I will be inserting into this story later on. How many times must I tell people this?

Will Turner: At least once more, Miss Terreis, as always.

_Author blinks, dazed for a moment, but quickly regains her composure._

Will, get out of here. We haven't even gotten to the crossover part yet. You belong on my other disk with the PoTC fics. Shoo! Shoo!

_Will looks crestfallen, but another laugh is soon heard._

Jack Sparrow: So that's how women treat eunuchs! Very interesting, mate!

Will: Jack! For the thousandth time, I am not a eunuch!

Jack: Really? 'Cause that's not what dear 'Liz told me.

_Will, infuriated, draws his sword. The author rolls her eyes._

Will you two shut up and get out of here! This is a LORD OF THE RINGS story. You don't belong.

Jack: But you said it was a crossover.

Not yet it isn't. And if you two don't leave me alone, I'll never get to that point in the story. Now get lost!

_The two pirates leave, muttering under their breath. Heaving a sigh of relief, the author refocuses on the story_.

A/N: Finally. Thought those two would never leave. They're a bit upset because I'm neglecting their story. Oh, well. On with this one, then.

Yet another A/N: Just saw 'Hidalgo' at the movies this weekend. OMG! Does it get any hotter than that? How is it that a man can be so dusty and dirty and still look so incredibly sexy?! Yes, I said sexy. For there is no other word to describe our beloved 'No-Ego Viggo'. Well, unless you want to say 'charming', 'mysterious', 'romantic', 'sensitive',..._ahem_ I'm babbling, aren't I? Sorry. Anyway, go see the movie. It's pretty good.

* * *

Since the situation with Aragorn resolved itself with astounding speed, as usual, Arwen had no compunction about making arrangements to travel to Lothlorien a week after his 'tragic accident'. Aragorn, however, was not so sure about letting his wife travel through the wild. Not to mention less than thrilled with the thought of her indefinite absence.

"I wish you'd take more guards, meleth nin," he pleaded as he watched her dress for the trip. Arwen smiled at him as if he were a small child.

"Aragorn, I already have four of your best knights going with me, not to mention Eowyn. Really, she is probably all the protection I would need. I can take care of myself, you know. Or have you forgotten what my brothers are like?" she sent him a slightly teasing smile as she finished tying the laces on her dress. "Perhaps you will be lonely without me here? Shall I send word that the twins need to come to Gondor for a visit?"

Aragorn shook his head and answered all her questions in order.

"Yes, I know you are capable of defending yourself and I know Eowyn is as well. I have not forgotten what they are like. I will be lonely without you here but…please don't ask them to pay me a visit."

She laughed at that and Aragorn smiled a little, but his smile faded as he regarded her with a more serious air.

"I just worry about you, Undomiel," he said softly.

Arwen finished dressing and walked over to her husband. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him on the tip of his nose, eliciting a groan of disapproval as she withdrew her lips before he could capture them with his own. He disliked her doing that as much as she liked doing it. It was a fair trade.

"I know you worry, Estel. And I really do appreciate it. It makes me feel loved. But I must make this trip. And I must go without you."

"Why?" he inquired for the sixth time since she had announced her plans.

"Because I need to speak to my grandfather about some things. Elf business……"

Aragorn raised an eyebrow.

"Elf business? Oh, Arwen. You're a terrible liar."

"I know," she smiled. "But is it not well that the people of Gondor have a queen who could not lie to save her life? And do you not love me anyway?"

"Would you like me to show you how much?" he asked, a mischievous grin spreading across his handsome face.

Arwen pondered this for a moment. She really needed to get down to the stables. Eowyn would be there in a few minutes. Their guards were already waiting. She opened her mouth to make excuses, but was cut off by the pressure of Aragorn's lips upon hers and the distinct feeling that her laces were already being loosened……Eowyn and the guards could wait a while longer.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Eowyn was tapping her foot on the ground impatiently. Arwen was late by half an hour. She had a pretty good idea what the reason was for the queen's tardiness, however, and couldn't really fault her friend. She herself had been twenty minutes late. In spite of her efforts, she could not control the blush that crept up her neck as she let her mind wander back in time a little. Thankfully, Arwen arrived and broke her train of thought.

"I apologize for being so late," the queen stated as she swung herself onto her horse. Eowyn merely nodded in reply and mounted her own horse. Arwen gave the word and the party of travelers began their journey.

"Why do you think this trip is necessary?" Eowyn asked Arwen once they were clear of the gates of Minas Tirith. The knights, at Aragorn's request and to Arwen's irritation, rode in a tight formation around the women. Arwen chose her words carefully.

"My grandmother sailed to the Undying Lands long ago, Eowyn. But my grandfather has not yet left Middle Earth. I am sure that he can help us with this problem. Grandmother often confided things in him."

"Is he also gifted with foresight?" Eowyn inquired. She had heard the tales of the Lady of the Wood, but hadn't heard that Lord Celeborn possessed the same gift.

"No, not to the extent my grandmother is. He is very wise, though, and he will be of great help. Actually, I wouldn't be at all surprised if he were expecting us."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''Three days later - Lothlorien.

"Arwen!" Lord Celeborn's face lit up with joy when he saw his granddaughter. "I wasn't expecting you!"

"Oh, this is off to a wonderful start," Eowyn murmured to one of the Gondorian knights as Arwen embraced her grandfather. The knight struggled to keep a straight face.

"It is a pleasure to see you again as well, Lady Eowyn," Celeborn said as he stepped forward to greet the White Lady of Rohan. Eowyn, now properly awed, bowed to the Elf lord. He smiled gently and motioned to his granddaughter.

"Come," he said. "I may not have been expecting you, but I do believe I know what has brought you here."

Arwen and Eowyn exchanged glances before following Celeborn. As they walked, Eowyn took in all she could. Lothlorien, though it was now a mere shadow of what it had been before, was still breathtakingly beautiful and Eowyn was stunned by the spectacle. She had met Elves of course, Legolas being the first of those, and knew them to be creatures of grace and ethereal beauty. But never in her wildest flights of fantasy had she imagined a place as exquisite as Lothlorien.

Celeborn led the two women into a large room and dismissed the other elves that were in there. Once they were alone, he shut the door.

"This problem has become very widespread, Arwen. I have received word that there are three very angry Hobbit lasses in the shire."

"That has to be Rosie, Diamond, and Estella," Eowyn stated. Arwen nodded in agreement. She knew Diamond better than the other two hobbits, but had met Sam's wife and Merry's wife on several festive occasions. Celeborn confirmed their thoughts.

"You are correct, Lady Eowyn. Lady Rose, in particular, seems very upset. These 'fanfic authors' do not truly understand the havoc they are playing with our world. And Middle Earth is not alone in being affected by these stories."

"What do you mean?" asked Arwen.

"There are other people, other worlds being toyed with through the imaginations of these authors. Galadriel witnessed all of this through her mirror. She had a book written on these places, full of illustrations of the people in them."

As he spoke, Celeborn reached up to a shelf and pulled down a very large book. He set it on a nearby table and motioned for Eowyn and Arwen to sit down. Arwen hesitantly opened the book and began to read.

"It will take more than just an Elf, a Human, and three Hobbit lasses to put a stop to all of this," Celeborn went on. "I have been making plans for you to meet these people. Look through the book, Undomiel, and let me know which ones you think would be capable of a quest like this. The two of you must find a way to defeat this problem, but you cannot do it without help. I will take my leave now and let you discuss the matter."

When Celeborn was gone, Arwen and Eowyn looked at each other, unsure of what to say. Eowyn seemed to sum it up best.

"Well, this should be interesting."

* * *

A/N: Please, please, please review! I beg of you! Please! I live for reviews!

Daniel: You're a little pathetic.

Never doubt it for a moment. Now put that PS3 away and get back to work inspiring.

Daniel: So bossy.

Haldir: Comes with the territory, you know.


	3. The Ritual

**Chapter 3: The Ritual**

Disclaimer: Never have owned it, never will own it, enough said.

**A/N 2009**: I'm in a really bad mood. And I find that I want to post two chapters today instead of just the one. Partially because the last one was so short. And partially because I'm hoping that, the closer I get to one of my favorite parts of the story, the happier I will become. And so....Chapter 3.

A/N: More insanity! What will Arwen and Eowyn have to do now to defeat this 'doom of Man'? Read on to find out.

Background: Just wanted to give you a bit of information here. This story takes place in kind of a 'book/movie-verse'. I've read the books and like them very much, but the movies are a bit easier to follow and write about. As you will see in this chapter, I've added a few characters from the book that weren't in the movie _sob-sob_ and I've, ahem, rearranged a few events from the movie 'The Two Towers'. Hope you like!

* * *

Arwen had spent most of the afternoon studying the book her grandmother had left for her. Eowyn remained with her, although she found a book on Elven weaponry and was soon engrossed in it. It was only when Arwen made a small noise that the shield maiden glanced up from her discovery.

"What is it?" she asked, reluctantly putting the book down and crossing over to Arwen. Her friend wore an expression of amazement mixed with disbelief and confusion. Silently, she pointed to the last page. Eowyn looked and her expression soon mirrored that of Arwen's.

"Surely that can't be what we're supposed to do!" Eowyn finally exclaimed. "It must be a joke."

Arwen shook her head slowly as she responded, her tone somewhat resigned.

"My grandmother is known for many things, Eowyn, but joking is not on the top of the list. She had a sense of humor, of course, but never went so far as to pull a prank herself."

"So you are saying that this is true?" Eowyn was, understandably, more than a little distressed at the news. It didn't _seem _like anything she would've expected from the Lady of the Golden Wood. "We have to do this? It seems terribly humiliating."

"I agree," Arwen sighed as she made her way towards the door, already making a mental list of things they would need and where they could find them. "But I can't believe my grandmother would write this in jest, knowing how troubled I would be over this whole thing. I am sorry, Eowyn. It would seem we have no choice."

Eowyn sighed in defeat.

"Let us be done with it, then."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''Three hours later

"This seems terribly silly to me, Arwen. Not to mention very, um, un-Elflike, for lack of a better word."

Arwen agreed wholeheartedly. In all the thousands of years she had walked Middle Earth, never had she felt so ridiculous. The entire situation was just...odd. Arwen could not recall her grandmother ever having to do anything like this at all. Then again, she reasoned, her grandmother was very powerful, even for an Elf. Perhaps that's why she had never had to do something like this. Had Arwen not been so preoccupied with her 'fanfic author' problem, she definitely would've picked up on the fact that a nearby mallorn tree was losing its leaves at a rather suspicious rate.

They immediately set about their duties. Eowyn tried to start a fire while Arwen began mixing various herbs and berries with some water. Once the fire was going, Eowyn helped Arwen finish her task and then the two friends looked at each other expectantly.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Eowyn asked, her tone rather clipped as she regarded the unmoving Queen of Gondor.

"What am I waiting for? What are YOU waiting for?" came Arwen's response. Eowyn's eyes widened.

"Oh, no. I'm not going to be the first to put that stuff on. You can go first. After all, you are the queen."

The eyes of the Evenstar narrowed for a moment, then lit up as she hit upon an idea.

"You mean to tell me that the defeater of the Witch-King of Angmar is too frightened to start a small, somewhat strange ritual? Well, I suppose if you are too afraid……."

Just as she had expected, Arwen's remark spurred Eowyn into action.

"Alright, I'll go first. But you'll have to help me with the patterns. Then I'll do you."

"Agreed."

''''''''''''''''''''''Meanwhile

Three figures sat in a nearby tree, watching the scene with thinly veiled amusement.

"Ouch!" one hissed, after receiving the back of another figure's hand in his face. He elbowed the other figure in the ribs. "Watch where you put your hand, 'Ro."

"Ssshh!" whispered another. "You two will give us away in no time. Are Rivendell Elves always so loud?"

"Shut up, Haldir," the other two answered in perfect unison. Haldir complied, but not before uttering a few Sindarin curses that no self- respecting Marchwarden should ever know.

"I cannot believe that our sister fell for that phony last page," whispered Elrohir, trying desperately to disguise his delight over the situation.

"All thanks to Haldir," put in Elladan. "If he had not been able to copy Grandmother's handwriting so perfectly, none of this would have been possible."

"I still cannot believe I let you two talk me into this," Haldir growled. Truth be told, however, he was rather enjoying the spectacle of the Queen of Gondor and the White Lady of Rohan slapping paint on each other's faces for a ritual that had no meaning whatsoever. Neither of the twins was fooled by their friend's gruff demeanor.

"Oh, be quiet, Haldir," said Elladan. "We know you are getting as much fun out of this as we are."

Haldir opened his mouth to reply, but shut it again when he noticed Arwen look in the direction of the tree the three pranksters had taken up residence in. Elrohir noticed it, too, and his voice dropped to the point where even an Elf would have trouble hearing his words.

"No one will have any fun at all if we keep this up," he said. "No more talking."

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''Back on the ground

"Arwen? What is it?"

Arwen, still looking at the tree, shook her head.

"I thought I heard something," she replied. After a few more seconds, she shook her head again, as if to clear it, and turned back to Eowyn.

"I must have been hearing things. Come on. Let's get this over with."

The women took their places on either side of the fire, facing away from it. Slowly, they began to go through the steps of an intricate dance, the instructions of which had been laid out on the paper in painstaking detail. The fact that they were facing away from the fire was a part Haldir had written strictly for his own amusement. This way, he, Elladan, and Elrohir would be able to get a good look at the faces of the two women.

And what faces! Elrohir nearly fell out of the tree when he saw his sister. Elven runes were painted across the faces of Arwen and Eowyn in brilliant blue and purple. Elladan silently congratulated Haldir on his instruction to have the people performing the ritual face out.

The three mischievous Elves managed to suppress their laughter during the five minute dance. But when Arwen and Eowyn began the chant Haldir had composed, Elladan began to shake violently with suppressed mirth. Halfway into the 'magical' chant, he lost his balance and slipped off the limb he had been seated on. Elrohir, who had been sitting right behind him, tried to catch his twin, but he was too late. Elladan plummeted to the ground. Being an Elf, he, of course, landed safely on the ground, feet planted firmly. But Arwen heard when he made contact with the ground and she whirled around.

Elladan, brave son of Elrond that he was, paled visibly when his sister's eyes met his. The fury of the Evenstar was not something one ever wished to come face to face with. He mentally kicked himself for letting Elrohir and Haldir talk him into this, conveniently forgetting that it had all been his idea to start with.

Arwen wasted no time in making her anger clear. She marched over to her brother, Eowyn close behind, and stared him down. Elladan cowered and took the easy way out. He pointed to the tree above. Arwen heard the whispered curses and had to fight a smile. Elladan never was one to go down alone.

She wasn't at all surprised when Elrohir appeared, but when Haldir lowered himself to the ground, her mouth dropped open. She never expected the dignified Marchwarden to behave in such a manner. Eowyn was furious as well. But, for all her fury, she could not bring herself to chastise an Elf. She would let Arwen handle this.

"I thought you were above spying, Haldir," Arwen said coldly. The blond Elf winced. Unlike the twins, he had never been on the receiving end of Arwen's temper.

"I apologize, my lady," he said. The sons of Elrond made faces of disgust. Haldir was far too easily cowed when it came to their sister.

Arwen observed the three trouble makers for a while before a thought occurred to her, making her even angrier than before, if such a thing was possible.

"You were not just spying, were you?" she asked. "You came up with all of this yourselves. The fire, the paint, the dance, the chant. None of this means a thing, does it?"

Elladan bit his lip, wanting to laugh in spite of his sister's anger. Haldir was too worried about his present situation to respond. Elrohir sighed, knowing that, as usual, he would have to be the one to confess.

"Yes, sister. We thought it all up ourselves. Honestly, Arwen, we did not mean any harm. 'Dan and I have been in Lothlorien for a couple of weeks and things were getting rather boring. We just needed to have some…fun," he finished lamely, realizing that this probably wouldn't constitute a reason as far as his sister was concerned. He was starting to wish they hadn't done this…

"Elrohir, I am dealing with a serious problem. How can I ever solve it if I have my brothers and a wayward Marchwarden playing childish pranks every time I turn around?"

Arwen's face was growing redder by the minute and Elladan could no longer help himself. He burst out laughing and the fiery glare of his sister did nothing to quell his merriment. Haldir looked at him in disbelief, shocked that he could laugh even now, and Elrohir silently willed his brother to shut up.

When Elladan could finally breathe, he turned to Elrohir, his grey eyes filled with tears from his bout of laughter.

"I never realized how truly awful it looks when you put certain shades of purple with certain shades of red," he said before making a noise that sounded suspiciously like a giggle. Elrohir and Haldir looked at each other, then looked at Arwen. They quickly looked away again, both of them fighting laughter once more.

Arwen was exceedingly perplexed by her brother's statement until she remembered the purple paint that Eowyn had used for the runes on her face. She blushed even redder with embarrassment and it was the final straw for the other three Elves. They collapsed on the forest floor, unable to restrain themselves any longer.

It was Haldir who saw the sword being removed from Eowyn's pack and his laughter, though it didn't stop completely, subsided quite a bit. He tapped Elrohir on the shoulder and pointed in Arwen's direction. Through his tears, Elrohir saw his sister headed straight for them, a painfully serious look on her face and a very dangerous-looking sword in her hands. He and Haldir quickly decided what the better part of valor was and, after picking Elladan up and setting him back on his feet, the three of them took off at a dead run. Arwen, brandishing the sword and screaming in Sindarin, followed closely. Eowyn stood rooted to the ground, too shocked to move or say anything.

"Do not worry, my lady," said a voice behind her. Eowyn turned around, only to come face to face with Lord Celeborn. His eyes widened slightly when he saw the blue runes on her face, but he wisely said nothing about them. "With the sons of Elrond around, there is rarely a dull moment."

"Will she hurt them, really?" Eowyn asked, somewhat concerned. She had never seen Arwen so angry before.

"No. Luckily for them, they are all faster than she is when it comes to running. The chase will calm her down."

"You make it sound as if this was a regular occurrence," Eowyn said, surprised by Celeborn's reaction to the situation.

"My lady, I have lived for thousands of years in Lothlorien. Utter chaos reigns in this place when we are visited by any of the children of Elrond. If something out of the ordinary did not occur, _then_ I would be surprised....possibly even concerned."

He smiled at Eowyn and then offered her his arm.

"Now, I believe that we can get you properly settled while my granddaughter is running around like a mad woman, chasing down my Marchwarden and my grandsons. When she is finished with them, perhaps I can help you find the real solution to this problem."

Eowyn smiled in return and let Celeborn guide her to the rooms she and Arwen would be occupying. Neither of them dreamed that part of their solution was already finding its own way to them.

* * *

A/N: Yay! Long live Haldir! By the way, did I type 'Marchwarden' correctly? Is it all one word? Is it capitalized. I realize that the whole 'ritual' thing was far-fetched, but this is a 'humor' fic after all. What do you want from me? Review, review, review! Love reviews! The crossover starts next chapter! _cheers from readers_ If there are any particular characters you'd like to see in here, please let me know. The actual MAIN characters have already been picked. But there will be room for mentions, appearances, and the like. I'd like to say ahead of time, however, that I've never seen 'The Matrix'. _Pauses to wait for her readers to recover from the shock_. If anyone wants characters from 'The Matrix' in this story, I'm afraid I just can't do it. Meh. 'Equilibrium' is better anyway.


	4. Welcome To Middle Earth!

**Chapter 4: Welcome to Middle Earth!**

Disclaimer: I don't own it. Do I really have to say this every time? It's rather humiliating.

A/N: Hope no one minded the fact that Haldir is still alive in my story. I know he wasn't at Helm's Deep in the books, but that whole scene with all the Elves marching in is just too cool. He was there, but he didn't die. Yay!! Again. By the way, this is fair warning. From here on out, there will be Mary-Sue bashing and slash-bashing. I have nothing against people who read or write slash or Mary-Sue's so, for heaven's sake, don't go all defensive and freaky on me. This is just a fun little story. I myself do not personally like slash for many reasons, but I do not think that people who read or write it are evil. I'm not too sure the same can be said for Mary-Sues. (Just kidding. Geez, people. Even I've written Mary-Sues.) That being said, please read on with a light heart and try not to have any chips on your shoulders. This is all in good fun.

One more Disclaimer: I do not own Celia Bey. She is the product of the brilliant imagination of LadyDeb1970, one of the best authors on this website that won't let me type the web address on here.

* * *

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''The borders of Lothlorien

"Where are we?" asked Celia, clearly confused by the sudden turn of events. Anck-su-namun answered her with more than a little bit of an edge to her voice.

"I don't know. But I'm sure that Evelyn had something to do with it."

Evelyn Carnahan O'Connell was clearly infuriated by this statement. Her brown eyes snapped as she stared at the Egyptian concubine.

"I didn't do anything! I didn't read a book, I didn't open a chest. There were no mummies, no pygmies. I think it's those fanfiction stories again."

This did seem like a logical conclusion to the other two women. They had been noticing that the fanfiction problem, while it wasn't too bad at first, was becoming quite hard to handle. In the past two weeks alone, Anck-su-namun and Evie had nearly come to blows while fighting over Imhotep, Alex O'Connell had disappeared several times, sometimes being replaced with a daughter, Celia had found her husband, Ardeth, mooning over Evelyn, and Rick O'Connell had nearly killed his brother-in-law, Jonathan.

Granted, this last bit wasn't too out of the ordinary, but it had been a particularly vicious scene this time. Evie shuddered involuntarily at the memory.

"Well, ladies, it would seem that we have been transplanted into another world," concluded Celia. "I suppose we shall have to make the best of it for now until whoever is writing this story comes to the next plot point. I sure hope they don't get writer's block."

Anck and Evie nodded in agreement. Taking a deep breath, Celia began to lead the way into the woods of Lothlorien. All three women were unaware that they were being watched. When they did become aware of it, it was too late.

* * *

"Lord Celeborn!"

Celeborn turned from his discussion with a now sane Arwen and Eowyn to find Haldir racing towards him. Curious as to what could make his Marchwarden run so fast, besides an Elleth with a sword, he rose from his seat and made his way towards Haldir. Arwen and Eowyn followed close behind.

"My lord, we have captured three women on the border of Lothlorien. The others are bringing them now."

"Three women, you say? What kingdom are they from?"

"I am not certain my lord. Two of them look as though they could be from Gondor. The third resembles an Easterling. They would not give us their names."

Celeborn frowned and looked thoughtful.

"Bring them to me," he said. Haldir inclined his head, then turned and headed back towards his patrol.

"Who do you suppose they are, my lord?" Eowyn inquired.

"I do not know, Lady Eowyn. Perhaps they have been sent to us for a reason, though. We shall soon see."

Within ten minutes, the border patrol, led by Haldir, arrived with the three women in tow. Arwen noted with alarm that they looked somewhat disheveled. A couple of the guards looked a little worse for wear as well. Celeborn noted this, too, and glanced at Haldir.

"They…..did not come willingly," he explained. Arwen and Eowyn were both impressed. As she got a better look at their faces, though, Arwen's heart soared. She recognized these women from Galadriel's book.

"Where are we?" asked one woman. Arwen stepped forward.

"Do not fear us, Evelyn O'Connell. We are friends."

The English woman stepped back in surprise when she heard her name uttered by a stranger. Celia placed a hand on her arm reassuringly and Evelyn visibly relaxed.

"It is difficult to not fear people that attack women who have done nothing to provoke it," said Celia. Eowyn hid a smile as the diminutive brunette threw an icy glance towards Haldir, who was nearly twice her size.

"They are merely trying to protect their home, Celia Bey," Arwen smiled softly, attempting to smooth things over. "As the wife of a chieftain, surely you can understand that."

It was Celia's turn to be surprised. But she was not at a loss for words for very long.

"Understand it, yes. But that does not mean I condone it. And you have yet to answer my friend's question. Where are we?"

"You are in Lothlorien, the heart of Elvendom in Middle Earth."

"What is Middle Earth?" Anck-su-namun asked, growing more confused by the second.

"I shall explain it all later," Arwen replied. "Let me say first, however, that I believe we share a common enemy and that you have been brought here with a purpose. I have no doubt that you are aware of something called 'fanfiction'?"

All three women snapped to attention when they heard this word. Arwen noted with pride that she had hit her mark. Yes, these women would be the perfect allies.

"Before I expand upon this, we should let you rest. You are tired, I know."

"I will not deny that I am tired," said Celia. "But if meeting you means that there is a slight hope my life can return to normal, without fear of my husband falling in love with someone else or being tortured mercilessly beyond the bounds of human limitations, then rest can wait. I wish to know more."

Arwen smiled. This woman loved her husband as much as she herself loved Aragorn. It was a reassuring thought.

"I wish to know more, as well," said Evelyn. Arwen turned her gaze to the wife of Rick O'Connell, and then to the Egyptian princess. Yes, this would be a good thing. All three loved their men with a passion that defied all odds.

"Very well," Arwen finally spoke. "Follow me."

The three women exchanged glances before following the Queen of Gondor. Eowyn and Celeborn joined them.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''Two hours later

Celia and Anck-su-namun sat across the table from Arwen, entranced by the tale of Middle Earth and the One Ring. Evelyn walked about the room with Eowyn, talking with the shield maiden and studying the Elven architecture. She was fascinated by the culture.

"And that's where we are right now," Arwen finally finished. She had conveniently excluded the part about the ritual, her brothers, and a certain Marchwarden.

"We do share a common goal," Celia agreed. "All of us are tired of our lives becoming so chaotic."

"That's not to say that these fanfiction stories don't serve a certain purpose," put in Evelyn as she and Eowyn rejoined the group. "For instance, things can be changed for the better. That entire adventure in China? Horrid. I prefer some of this fanfiction to _that _debacle. Ardeth wasn't even there. Or Imhotep. And I…I just didn't feel like myself. Or, of course, you could take Celia, for example."

"What about Celia?" Eowyn inquired, clearly intrigued.

"Celia just showed up in our lives one day," Evelyn replied, only too eager to share information about the sudden appearance of her best friend. "Things were never the same again. Especially for Ardeth. It was simply wonderful. They were perfect for one another!"

Arwen stared at Celia in amazement. So Celia herself was the product of a fanfiction. This made things quite interesting.

"What will happen if we succeed in our quest?" she asked. "Will something happen to you, Celia?"

Anck and Evie froze, shocked at the thought. They had never considered this possibility. Celia, however, had. And she already had an answer.

"I don't think anything will, Arwen. You see, what we're trying to get rid of are the 'out of character' or completely absurd things. Possibly the occasional Mary-Sue and definitely the so-called 'slash'. The only category I could possibly fall under would be Mary-Sue."

Anck's mouth fell open in shock. She was indignant.

"Don't talk about yourself like that!" she exclaimed. "What a horrible thing to say. You are nothing like a Mary-Sue."

"Anck is right," Evie agreed. "You are the exact opposite of a Mary-Sue. You have flaws, just like Anck and I."

"Although I don't believe she's in the habit of poking her nose in where it doesn't belong," Anck added. Evelyn shot her a glare.

"Nor is she in the habit of being a murdering witch."

Arwen and Eowyn watched the scene with concern until Celia held a hand up, silently asking for peace. The other two women grudgingly gave in.

"All original characters run the risk of being Mary Sues. Both of you know that. It is a true testament to their creators if they can walk that fine line. But I myself have nothing to do with it."

Anck and Evie exchanged glances and shook their heads. Through this mutual friend of theirs (Celia had been Anck's best friend in her past life in Egypt), the two women had struck up a tentative friendship of their own that, although obviously prone to sporadic verbal attacks on one another, was hard as rock when it came to defending Celia.

"Enough talk of Mary-Sues," Arwen said suddenly. She thought she disliked the Mary-Sues most of all, perhaps even more than the dreaded 'slash'. And, in truth, it was the Mary-Sues who made her feel more threatened than anything else.

"Yes, let's concentrate on a more pleasant subject," Eowyn interjected. "Why do we not look through the book of Lady Galadriel and see who else could help us with this?"

She headed for the book shelf that held the aforementioned book, but was stopped short by a loud, decidedly feminine scream from the forest outside, followed by a different, somewhat feminine voice shouting.

"Let me go ye filthy dogs! Let me go!"

Arwen locked eyes with the other women in the room.

"Somehow, I get the feeling that further research will be unnecessary…."

Moving as one unit, the five women headed in the direction of the voice, wondering what they would find.

* * *

A/N: I really started the changes in this chapter. I've expanded the bit between Anck and Evelyn somewhat. And also brought the tragedy that is 'Tomb of the Dragon Emperor' into the fold. I'm sorry. I like Brendan Fraser. But he can only make up for so much. The fight scenes were, admittedly, cool. But I missed Imhotep, I missed Ardeth, and most of all I missed Rachel Weisz.

I also missed Alex O'Connell's British accent. What was up with THAT disappearance? Not cool, Sommers. Not cool.

Background: Check out LadyDeb1970's story 'The Forever Friends' in the Mummy section. It's not the first story containing Celia, but it is one of my favorites and the one that really introduces her.


	5. More Newcomers

**Chapter 5: More Newcomers**

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

A/N: Just for future reference, I do not have a problem with J/E fics. In fact, some of my favorite PoTC fics are about J/E. Just wanted to let you know that.

* * *

Lothlorien was in an uproar over the newcomers. There was such a flurry of activity that the five newly-cemented friends couldn't even tell where the voices were coming from anymore. Arwen stood next to her grandfather who, finally growing impatient, bellowed out at the top of his lungs.

"THAT IS ENOUGH!!"

Everything stopped. Several Elves, as if just remembering that they were in the presence of their lord, dropped to one knee, along with Eowyn. The three other women stood speechless, surprised by the power of the voice that had been so soft with them only hours before. Arwen, too, was taken aback. In the kingdom of Lothlorien, Galadriel was the one known for her temper. She had never heard her grandfather raise his voice in such a manner.

Truth be told, Celeborn surprised himself with the ferocity of his voice. He gathered his thoughts and focused his gaze on Haldir, who was having quite a bad week so far.

"What is going on here?" he asked in a tone that, although considerably lower than his original one, commanded just as much attention.

"My apologies, Lord Celeborn. It seems as though more strangers have entered our realm."

"Truly?" questioned Celeborn, one eyebrow raised in a manner eerily reminiscent of his son-in-law. "Tell me, Haldir. How is it that our border is so well-protected and yet all these strangers are suddenly slipping by?"

"I do not know, my lord," Haldir answered, bowing his head. Arwen, despite her earlier rage, felt rather bad for him and she ventured to speak up.

"It is possible that these strangers arrived in the same manner as our new friends," she said, indicating Evie, Anck, and Celia. "They informed us that they found themselves already in our borders."

Celeborn considered this for a moment before nodding. To Arwen's relief, it seemed as though his temper was slowly subsiding. He turned again to Haldir.

"Bring these strangers to me," he said. When Haldir hesitated, Celeborn looked at him questioningly. Encouraged by the fact that he was not being yelled at, Haldir spoke.

"I believe it would be better, my lord, if the Lady Arwen met them alone. One of them is very frightened and the other seems to think that all 'men' are evil. Perhaps if they spoke to a lady..."

"Where my queen goes, I go as well," Eowyn stated. She went to Arwen's side, followed closely by Celia, Evie, and Anck. Celeborn looked at the five of them and nodded.

"Very well. Haldir, lead them to these strangers. Undomiel, I need you to gather as much information as you can."

Arwen merely nodded before turning to follow Haldir. He led them to a spot that was rather secluded and a very odd sight met their eyes.

A woman sat on the ground, leaning up against a tree. One Elf stood next to her and he looked very relaxed for a guard. Arwen concluded that the woman must have been, at one time, very beautiful. At the moment, however, her golden-brown hair fell limp against her head, her clothes were elaborate, but rather worn-looking. And her eyes, underlined with dark circles, glanced frantically around her. Arwen couldn't help but be reminded of a frightened fawn when she looked into those eyes.

Another woman sat nearby, the exact opposite of the first woman. She was dark in complexion, just a little darker than Anck, with long black hair and brown eyes. Her clothing seemed to be that of a man and she wore strange decorations in her hair. Obviously, the differences in the two women did not only go skin-deep. Whereas the first woman had only one guard, this one was surrounded by Elladan, Elrohir, and three Lothlorien Elves. Arwen noted with some satisfaction that her brothers couldn't quite keep a glint of fear out of their eyes.

'Good,' she thought. 'At least I know I'm not the only woman who can keep them in line.'

As she debated with herself as to the best course of action, she heard whispering behind her. Turning, she found Evie and Celia deep in discussion, sometimes casting pointed looks at the 'newest' newcomers.

"What is it?" she asked. Evie and Celia exchanged glances before Evie plunged in.

"These two women look as if they are from our world," she said. Arwen looked at her disbelievingly.

"From a different time in our world," Celia clarified. Arwen's eyebrows climbed into her hairline and Haldir wondered to himself if eyebrow raising was a prerequisite for being an Elf of noble blood. As he tried to remember if he'd ever seen either of the twins raise their eyebrows, the conversation carried on.

"They seem to be from the late 17th century or early to mid 18th century. And one of them appears to be a pirate. Highly unusual, really, but definitely not unheard of. Some of our world's most famous pirates were women," Evie continued.

Celia nodded in agreement, but Arwen and Eowyn were confused.

"Pirate? What is a pirate?" Eowyn asked. Evie fumbled for an explanation.

"Pirate. Um, someone who sails on the ocean. Plundering, pillaging, looting, sometimes even killing."

"You speak of corsairs," interjected Haldir. He glared at the darker woman, who glared right back. Arwen laid a hand on his arm.

"Calm yourself, Haldir. It is possible that these 'pirates', as they seem to be called, are not quite the same as corsairs. Let me speak with one of them."

"Arwen, I am sorry to interrupt, but I believe I recognize these women," Eowyn said, coming to stand beside Arwen. "And I believe you will-."

But Eowyn got no farther with her statement. She was cut off by a frantic yell.

"Will?! Where's Will?! Where?! Anamaria, where is he?!"

The second woman was on her feet immediately and, in an impressive display, broke through her guards and rushed to the other woman's side.

"It's alright, Elizabeth. It's alright. He's not here. Calm down, now. That's a good lass."

As the female pirate spoke, the woman called Elizabeth lost a little of the frightened look in her eyes and sank slowly to the forest floor again. The onlookers, too astonished to do much of anything, simply stood and stared at the scene. Arwen knew who the women were now. And while Anamaria was exactly as she had imagined her to be, she had pictured Elizabeth Swann somewhat differently. As Anamaria endeavored to comfort her friend, Arwen made a decision.

"Haldir, I wish to be alone with Anamaria and Elizabeth."

"But Arwen," began Elrohir. Arwen shot him a glance that let him know he was not yet forgiven and the Elf closed his mouth. He could tell that Haldir was tempted to argue as well, but he caught the Marchwarden's eye and gave a slight shake of his head. There was no use in arguing with her right now.

"Very well," Haldir agreed reluctantly. He left, followed closely by the others. Once they were alone, Arwen approached the two women from the Caribbean.

"Anamaria," she said softly. The pirate looked up at her with undisguised curiosity. "Anamaria, I do apologize for this misunderstanding. I hope you have not sustained injury while dealing with my kin."

Anamaria simply stared at her and Arwen continued.

"I hope you will forgive us. We are not accustomed to strangers in this land. I am Arwen. This is Eowyn, Celia, Evelyn, and Anck-su-namun. Whether you would believe it or not, we are your friends. We share a common goal."

Still, Anamaria only stared. Elizabeth had calmed down enough to start studying the other five women. Sighing, Arwen searched for the right thing to say. It was Evie who broke the silence, though.

"Surely you have heard of 'fanfiction' stories," she said. That was all it took. Anamaria rolled her eyes as Elizabeth went into yet another round of hysterics. As Arwen stepped forward to help the pirate with her friend, the others looked at Evie accusingly.

"It would seem they have heard of them," Eowyn said drily.

"Nice job, Evelyn," Anck muttered under her breath. Evie glared at her one-time mortal enemy.

"I didn't know it would have that effect on her," she said defensively. "None of us ever goes into hysterics over these stories."

Anck opened her mouth to retort, but was silenced by a stern look from Celia, the designated peacekeeper of the group. Meanwhile, Arwen was finding that, although Elizabeth looked frail, she possessed quite a bit of strength. Frustrated by the amount of progress she was making, which was none, she whispered a few words in Quenya. Elizabeth went limp immediately and Anamaria's eyes grew wide.

"What have ye done to her?" she asked as Arwen gently lowered the governor's daughter back down to the ground.

"She's sleeping," Arwen replied, somewhat shortly. "She will wake up in a couple of hours and perhaps be in a better frame of mind to hear about the mission we must complete."

"What is going on here? Where are we? And how do ye know about fanfiction stories?"

"One question at a time, Anamaria. I believe you have been brought to our world for a specific purpose. Please, sit down and I will try to explain everything."

Anamaria still looked skeptical, but did as she was asked. Had Captain Jack Sparrow been there, he probably would've wondered what sort of witchcraft Arwen was using on his lone female crew member.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''One hour later

"Celia?"

"Yes, Anck?"

"Why is it that we keep skipping the actual explanation of what is going on and what Middle Earth really is, yet all of us understand it completely? And how is it that we speak different languages, but are able to understand it perfectly?"

Evie sighed heavily as Celia answered Anck's questions.

"Because, Anck, all those things are crucial in the story. But the author is too lazy to come up with reasons for them."

"You mean we're in a story right now?"

"Yes, of course we are. How else would you explain all this?" asked Evie, getting frustrated with the conversation. Unsure of how to respond, Anck took the high road and stuck her tongue out at Evelyn. Celia rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the much more intelligent conversation that was taking place.

"So ye think me and 'Liz were brought here to help ye fight these authors or whatever ye call 'em?" Anamaria was saying.

"Maybe not the authors, exactly," Celia interjected, seeing her chance to escape Evie and Anck for a moment. "For the most part, it's the Mary-Sues, the slash, the unbelievable amount of torture that some of our loved ones and even some of us have had to endure."

Arwen was not the only one to notice how Anamaria winced when Mary-Sues were brought up.

"Curse all Mary-Sues," the pirate said. "They make my captain into a blitherin' idiot. Not that he isn't one already, o' course. They jest make him worse. And I refuse to discuss the slash."

No one questioned Anamaria on that statement, for which she was extremely grateful. Eowyn, however, was very curious about one thing.

"Is Elizabeth always like this, Anamaria? I mean, is she always so frightened and nervous?"

Anamaria sighed as she looked at the sleeping girl. It was the calmest she had seen Elizabeth in weeks.

"Aye, 'tis a shame," Anamaria nodded, remembering what her friend was really like. " 'Liz hasn't always been that way. When I first met her, she was irritatin' to no end, but had nerves o' steel. Considerin' how she was raised, I mean. She's a fine lass in her own right and we became friends. There've been some adventures without me, too. She became the Pirate King, married her true love, even had a son. The last few weeks, though, have been rough. It's gotten to where the girl doesn't know her own mind."

"What do you mean?" Anck inquired, having given up on goading Evie into an argument.

"It's all on account of these fanfiction stories. For all the things ye named, Celia, ye did miss a few very important problems. The 'out of character' problem and the 'alternate universe' problem."

A collective groan went up from the small group. Arwen frowned.

"How has this affected Elizabeth so badly?"

"Well, it's like this. Some of these authors seem to think that she belongs with my captain, not young Mr. Turner. So 'Liz has been bouncin' around between the two of them, sometimes leaving Will, sometimes going to Jack when Will has died….again."

"Wait. What do you mean 'again'?" Eowyn broke into Anamaria's recitation of grievances. Anamaria just shook her head.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, lass. But I wouldn't be surprised if Will was a bit irritated at being killed off so much. Poor 'Liz. It's gotten to the point where she's afraid to be near either one of them. That's the reason for her first outburst earlier."

"I said 'will'," Eowyn realized.

"Exactly," Anamaria confirmed. "She can't even hear the names without panicking."

They all cast a sympathetic glance at the young girl. Eowyn sympathized most of all, really.

"I can understand her problem," she said. "I have often found myself torn between my husband and my king."

The others looked at Arwen, expecting her to blow up with this announcement. She merely smiled at Eowyn, however, and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"You understand better than I, Eowyn. It is very rare that I find myself attracted to any other but Aragorn. I suppose I should be grateful that most people feel we belong with one another."

Eowyn nodded, silently grateful that Arwen hadn't bitten her head off. The group sat in silence for a while, but a stir from Elizabeth brought them back to the mission at hand.

"So what do we do now?" Celia asked Arwen. The Evenstar smiled slowly. A smile that served to calm everyone but Eowyn, who knew her queen far too well.

"We wait," she replied.

"Wait?" cried Anamaria. "Wait for what?"

"I have sent word to another land in Middle Earth," Arwen said. "In two days time, we travel to Rivendell with my brothers and Haldir. There, we shall meet with three others who are dealing with the same troubles as we are. Then we will decide what to do."

"Do you suppose there are others from different worlds that would help us?" Celia questioned.

"It's possible. One can only hope," Arwen said, her smile growing bigger. Eowyn started to question her friend's thoughts, but was cut off by the sound of a horn. Arwen's smile faded.

"That horn belongs to Haldir. He would never blow it without good reason. Come, Eowyn. We must get the others to safety."

To everyone's surprise, Arwen turned, plucked Elizabeth off the ground as if she were a small child and started back towards the home of Celeborn. Eowyn and the others followed, all thinking the same thing. What sort of danger would frighten Arwen to the point of fleeing?

* * *

A/N: What sort of danger indeed? Coming next, the female fellowship's first encounter with fanfiction evil. Well, technically. Please review. And any suggestions are more than welcome.


	6. Arwen's Lover?

**Chapter 6: Arwen's Lover?**

Disclaimer: Do I really have to do this again? It's very depressing to make a list of all the things I DON'T own.

SHOUT-OUTS….FROM THE PAST!!!!:

Deb2: Yes, I do feel particularly sorry for Elizabeth. The plain truth of the matter is this. I've read so many PoTC fics where Elizabeth leaves Will for Jack that I started wondering what that would do to her if she were real. To be honest, that's when the seed was first planted for this story. Elizabeth must be a nervous wreck and I'm not quite done with her hysterics, yet. Just for future reference for all you Liz-fans out there. I do like her character very much. I'm not one of those 'Death to Elizabeth' people.

Nuklear Firefly: It may be a Sue. You never know. But don't worry. I'll try not to have any casualties in this story. And you are correct. No one wants to mess with Ana when she's mad. Kind of like messing with Arwen, you know? Though Ana has a much shorter fuse. _Hears the sound of slapping in the background, followed by a voice that sounds suspiciously like Jack, "I know I didn't deserve that." _

Mercury Gray: I couldn't have a LOTR fic without Hobbit lasses. Of course, Rosie must show up to defend her Sam (expect her to be particularly vicious. I can't handle Frodo/Sam stories. SAM MUST BE PROTECTED!! Can you tell I like Sean Astin? _grins goofily_) As for the Narnia comment, I would dearly love to get some characters in here from the books that were my first official introduction into the world of fantasy, but I'll have to take a look at the C.S. Lewis section first. I'll do my best, my friend.

* * *

Arwen led the others to a room high off the ground, a room that had once been hers when she lived in Lothlorien. After depositing Elizabeth gently on the large bed, she turned to Eowyn.

"Keep watch over her and guard the others, Eowyn. I know not what evil has befallen us. Wait for my signal."

She was gone before Eowyn could stop her. Silently cursing the speed of the Firstborn, the shield maiden set about making Elizabeth a little more comfortable. Anamaria and Celia helped in any way they could while Anck and Evie peered out of the windows, astonished with the view the room granted them.

Once Elizabeth seemed to be settled, Eowyn tried to relax. Celia joined her friends at the windows while Anamaria went about, gazing in awe at the room itself. Eowyn closed her eyes, concentrating on picking out any tiny sounds that might give an enemy away. She was distracted, however, by Anck.

"Who is that?"

Eowyn opened her eyes to see what had prompted the question. Celia, Evie, and Anck were all looking at something, or someone, outside.

"Whoever it is, Arwen certainly seems to know him," Evie replied. Her curiosity piqued, Eowyn sat up and paid a little more attention to the conversation of the three women.

"It must be Aragorn," Anck concluded. Celia shook her head

"No, it can't be Aragorn," she argued. "Arwen said her husband had dark hair."

"Well, why are they kissing then?" Anck persisted.

This comment prompted a quick response from Eowyn. She flew to the window and, upon seeing the two figures below, gasped in dismay.

"What in the name of the Valar is he doing here? How can this be happening?"

All the other women in the room turned to look at Eowyn, who had grown quite pale. Being a woman of Rohan, however, she quickly pulled herself back together and sprang into action.

"Stay here," she commanded before leaving the room. Her tone left no room for argument and the others did as they were told. Only a few moments passed before Eowyn returned, bearing her own sword as well as three other weapons. She handed Celia a sword, while Evie and Anck found themselves in the possession of weapons that were not unlike sais.

"You three will come with me. Anamaria, I need you to stay here."

"When there's a fight?" Anamaria bristled at being ordered around. "Not likely."

"Please, Anamaria," Eowyn endeavored to make it sound like more of a request. "If Elizabeth wakes up while we're gone, she'll need someone she knows to be with her."

Anamaria, seeing the sense in this statement, reluctantly nodded and sat down in a chair near the bed. Eowyn turned back to the other three.

"You three can handle these, can't you?"

"Yes, I can," replied Celia, holding her sword with surprising skill. Anck and Evie merely grinned and winked at each other before twirling their 'sais'. That was enough of an answer for Eowyn. Without another word, she turned and led the way out of the room.

As they made their way down to the two 'lovebirds' the scene gained a few more onlookers. This was the entire reason Haldir had sounded his horn in the first place. He, Elladan, and Elrohir had realized what was happening the moment Arwen's 'lover' had shown up in Lothlorien and were already preparing to meet Aragorn. They knew they would need reinforcements to counter the fury of the King of Gondor. The twins themselves were torn between beating this newcomer to a pulp because he was 'dishonoring' their baby sister or protecting the newcomer from the sword of their brother-in- law. The three Elves were high up in a mallorn tree, watching the scene unfold. When Eowyn and Co. arrived, they decided to make their presence known.

"It is about time you showed up," Haldir said as he landed in front of Eowyn. She merely gave him a cool gaze.

"How did he get here so fast?" she asked the Marchwarden, hoping he could clear something up for her. "We just left him in Minas Tirith."

"Who is he?" inquired Celia. Anck and Evie merely gawked at the love scene that was unfolding before their eyes.

"He is Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood," replied Elrohir, trying to avoid looking at his sister and one of his best friends. Elladan was not having as much luck as his twin when it came to his temper.

"He is about to be the ex-Prince of Mirkwood," Elladan snarled.

"I'd say Arwen is the one in the more dangerous situation," Anck finally put her two cents in. "It looks like he's about to swallow her face."

Elladan's snarl turned to a growl and as Celia informed the concubine that she wasn't helping, Eowyn tried to calm the furious Elf.

"You know why he is here, don't you?" she asked. "Don't you see why this is happening? It's another one of those stories. Someone thinks Arwen and Legolas belong together. But stories of this kind can only end in one way. We have to get them away from each other before-."

"AHA! TRAITOR! LIAR!! I HAVE FOUND YOU AT LAST!!"

"-Aragorn comes," Eowyn finished meekly. Aragorn burst onto the scene, brandishing Anduril like a mad man. His interruption served to tear Legolas and Arwen apart. The two stared at him, having the nerve to look surprised by his reaction at finding them in each other's arms.

Legolas pushed Arwen behind him and took a protective stance in front of her. Slowly, he drew his fighting knives. Arwen, true to fanfiction form, dashed out from behind Legolas and put herself between the Man and the Elf.

"Don't do this, Estel," she pleaded as she faced her husband. He looked at her with an expression that made even Anck get a little misty.

"But I love you, Undomiel," he said, his voice breaking a little. "Do you not love me?"

"Of course I love you, Estel," Arwen's lip trembled as she faced her husband. "But I love Legolas as well. He gives me something you cannot."

"What? Make-up tips? New ideas for hairdos?" Aragorn asked sarcastically. Legolas snarled and started to advance.

"What about our children?" Aragorn continued. "How can you just abandon them like this?"

"Since when do they have children?" Haldir asked softly, becoming quite engrossed in the triangle in spite of himself.

"They don't, yet. But I guess they do in this story," Eowyn replied. She was waiting for the chance to grab her queen and bring her back to her senses. Unfortunately, the opportune moment had not yet presented itself.

"Stay out of this, Arwen," Legolas said suddenly, not sounding like the Legolas his friends knew at all. "Stand aside and we shall see who is worthy of you, this lowly man or an Elven prince."

"Oh, this is just getting ridiculous now," said Haldir, throwing his hands up in a gesture of surrender to whatever fates had brought them to this point.

"You want a piece of me, Elf-boy?" Aragorn growled.

"A piece of me?" Eowyn repeated.

"Elf-boy?" the twins said in perfect unison.

"Enough with your insults! Fight me, O Mighty King of Men! To the death for the love of Arwen Evenstar!"

Eowyn rolled her eyes. This was beyond belief. Something had to be done. But what? She watched Arwen closely and, when the Queen of Gondor looked indecisive, Eowyn sprung towards her, grabbed her by the arm and practically threw her at Haldir.

"Get her out of here!" she yelled. "Lock her up if you have to! I'll deal with these two," she concluded, her icy blue eyes settling on Aragorn and Legolas. Haldir grabbed Arwen, despite her protests, and started dragging her off to a more secure area, mumbling all the way.

"Whatever gets me out of this," Celia heard him say as he passed her. "How do I get into these situations anyway? Is there no dignity in the office of Marchwarden anymore?"

Eowyn took Arwen's place between Aragorn and Legolas. Both the man and the Elf eyed her warily for a moment. They had seen her in battle and neither cared to cross blades with her. But the story had not yet run its course and they were powerless to stop it.

"Get out of the way, Eowyn," Legolas said. "This does not concern you."

"I will not move until the two of you come to your senses, few though they may be," Eowyn replied, glaring at the Elf.

"Eowyn, as your King, I command you to leave now. This matter is beyond you."

In spite of his brave words, Aragorn faltered a bit as he finished. Eowyn had turned her gaze towards him and an angry Eowyn was a power to be dealt with.

"I will not leave, nor will my friends."

As she spoke, the other three women surrounded the group. The six of them made quite an interesting sight and the twin sons of Elrond suddenly found that they felt much better about things.

"I put my money on the little one," Elrohir whispered to his brother, referring to Celia. Elladan shook his head.

"No, I have to stay with Eowyn. She will do the most damage if it comes to that."

"You two could help, instead of standing there gawking," Evelyn shouted in their direction. The twins glanced at each other.

"Aragorn or Legolas?" Elladan questioned. Elrohir grinned.

"Legolas. Eowyn and her friends can handle Aragorn."

"Are you sure we can take Legolas by ourselves when he's in this mood? He's pretty upset."

The brothers thought about this for a little while before Elrohir came to a decision.

"The small one will help us," he said, referring again to Celia. "She seems capable of handling it." Elladan looked uncertain, but went along with his brother. The two of them grabbed Celia out of the group and began to form a little plot of their own. Eowyn watched out of the corner of her eye as a truly wicked smile crossed Celia's face. Oh, Elbereth. What were they planning to do?

* * *

A/N: What are they planning to do? Any ideas? Suggestions? Feedback always welcome and reviews are more than appreciated. They are loved and given a very nice home of their own.


	7. Celia Did WHAT!

**Chapter 7: Celia Did WHAT?**

Disclaimer: I'm already depressed today. Please don't make me do this.

A/N 2009: I'm leaving my original A/N on this one because…well, 'cause it contains three awesome guys. Back when I had first posted this story, I was still fairly new to this website. I posted an actor fic and my account got suspended. I'm planning.

A/N: Well, here I am again. It's March 31, 2004. Supposedly, I should have been able to post something today, but it turns out I can't post anything until 10:51 pm Pacific Standard Time, which translates to 8:51pm for me, which does me no good since I don't have access to a computer after 8:00 pm. Boy, is that a run-on sentence or what? Try diagramming that thing. Anyway, time to start the next chapter.

Rick O'Connell: Wait! What about the shout-outs?

Where did you come from? And is Ardeth with you?

Rick: Never mind that. What about the shout-outs?

There are no shout-outs this time. I couldn't post the last chapter because this stupid website doesn't give people who are first-time offenders any warnings. _Author's face starts to go red _

Rick: Oh, yeah. I forgot. You posted an actor fic when you weren't supposed to. _Author goes even redder_

I DIDN'T KNOW!!

Ardeth Bey: I would not tease her, O'Connell. I do not believe it would be wise.

Jonathan Carnahan: 'Fraid I have to go with Ardeth on this one, Rick.

_Terreis is now very red, but for a completely different reason. She starts shoving the three men out of the room, ignoring their protests. _

Sorry, but you'll have to go. The three of you in one room is just too much good-looking at one time. I can't concentrate on writing if I have to deal with Rick's blue eyes, Ardeth's dark good looks, and Jonathan's barely disguised Scottish accent. Out, Out, Out!!

A/N: Whew! Is it hot in here? Sorry about all that. Good thing Aragorn didn't show up, too, or I'd probably be unconscious right now. On with the story, then.

* * *

Eowyn watched with more than a little apprehension as the twins slowly closed in on Legolas. Celia was nowhere to be seen. Eowyn wasn't sure when she had left, but she was pretty sure that the young woman was lurking in the shadows somewhere.

Elladan and Elrohir were hoping that their plan would work. It was a little strange, to say the least, and it wouldn't work at all on the true Legolas. That is to say, if Legolas was behaving like his true self. But it might work with him at the moment. He was in his 'proud and vain' mode for this story, apparently, and they figured they could turn that against him. Legolas had only one weakness when he was like this.

It was Evelyn who first noticed a twitch developing in the oh-so-handsome facial features of the Prince of Mirkwood. She pointed it out to Anck, who pointed out to Eowyn, who bit back a smile as she eventually began to hear the cause of Legolas' spasms.

'Snip-snip'

The sound was very faint. Eowyn had to strain to hear it, but Legolas heard it loud and clear. As it grew louder, his twitching became more and more erratic.

'Snip-snip'

Everyone heard the sound now, including Aragorn. A slow grin spread across his face as he realized what the sound was. Anck had abandoned her guard of the King of Gondor, as Legolas' attempts to control himself were proving to be quite interesting.

'SNIP-SNIP'

Eowyn saw Celia now, moving up behind Legolas. In her hands, she held a bright, shiny pair of scissors. Legolas, now truly terrified, dropped his fighting knives and grabbed his golden hair in a protective grip. The twins took their chance and pounced. He didn't put up a very big fight, being much too concerned about keeping his hair intact.

In the meantime, Aragorn had dropped his guard to take the opportunity to laugh at the unfortunate Mirkwood Elf. Eowyn, realizing that this was indeed the opportune moment, jumped at him, knocking him to the ground. The force of the impact caused Aragorn to lose his grip on Anduril, which Anck, in spite of her laughter, had the presence of mind to pick up and hand to Evelyn.

All the while, Celia continued her somewhat bizarre but effective torture of Legolas. Elladan and Elrohir managed to drag him out of sight. They were followed by Celia who, Evelyn noticed, was looking almost maniacally gleeful as she 'snip-snipped' her way along.

Aragorn, as Eowyn had expected, began to struggle violently. She straddled his middle, leaving little room for him to move around too much, and regarded him calmly as he thrashed around. Looking up at Anck and Evelyn, who were both studying Aragorn intently, she began to grow embarrassed.

"He isn't usually like this," Eowyn apologized. "Neither of them are. Really, they are both wonderful friends. And Legolas and Arwen are most certainly not lovers."

"We understand, Eowyn," replied Evelyn. "We've been through similar situations. Sort of."

Anck nodded in agreement.

"I'm sure they're both good men," the concubine said reassuringly. "Or, at least Aragorn is. That is, Legolas is an Elf, so he must be a good Elf. Okay, that sounded odd."

"Don't worry about it," Eowyn said, waving one of her hands dismissively. "I'm just glad it's over with."

A shriek pierced the air and all three women looked in the direction of where the twins, Legolas, and Celia had been earlier.

"It sounds like Celia may have gotten a little too close with the scissors," Anck remarked.

"I hope she didn't hurt him," said Evelyn, frowning a little with real concern.

"I doubt that she did," Eowyn reassured her.

"Eowyn, would you mind terribly getting off me? I am embarrassed enough as it is and this could be construed as a somewhat…compromising position."

Eowyn looked down and saw with relief that her king seemed to be returning to normal. Just in case, though, she decided to ask him a couple of questions.

"Who saved Frodo from the Ringwraiths?" she asked. Aragorn stared at her for a moment, obviously wondering if she was in earnest before rolling his eyes.

"Glorfindel," he answered.

"Correct. And what is Rivendell also known as?"

"Imladris."

"How do you spell Rivendell?" she persisted, not getting a little enjoyment out of his obvious discomfort. But it proved to be the final straw.

"Eowyn! It's me! Please let me up."

Eowyn, satisfied with the answers, rose and helped Aragorn up off the ground. As he dusted himself off, she introduced Anck and Evelyn, who were both quite impressed with the real Aragorn. He apologized profusely for his earlier behavior.

"Where is Legolas?" he asked as he picked some leaves out of his hair. "I didn't harm him, did I? Things are still a little fuzzy."

"You did not harm me, Estel."

They all turned to see Legolas, now in his right mind, walking towards them. He was followed by Celia and the twins, who all looked very proud of themselves.

"Forgive me, mellon nin. I had no control of my actions," Legolas said, holding his hand out to Aragorn. The former Ranger grasped his friend's hand firmly.

"All is forgiven, Legolas. None of us had any control of the situation," Aragorn replied. Eowyn watched them suspiciously for a moment, wondering if angst was coming next, but things seemed alright. Legolas grinned as he gestured towards Celia.

"I believe this lady had perfect control of the situation," he said. Celia blushed.

"I really feel that I should apologize again, Legolas," she began, but the Elf cut her off, waving his hand in a gesure of dismissal.

"No, you should not. It was an accident. What is a few hairs, more or less?"

Eowyn's eyes widened.

"You actually cut his hair?"

"I didn't mean to. And it wasn't much," Celia said defensively, holding up just a few strands of what used to be Legolas' hair. The Elven prince laughed.

"It serves me right for trying to escape. Besides, I believe it is what finally shook us out of that particular story."

"You could be right, Legolas," Aragorn agreed. "Now that it is over with, I suggest we get Arwen and return to Gondor."

"Oh, no! Arwen!" shouted Eowyn as she remembered that Haldir would not know it was safe to let Arwen out of wherever he had put her. She took off running and the others followed closely behind.

'''''''''''''''''''''Meanwhile

"Legolas needs me! Estel will kill him! Haldir! Haldir, let me out!"

Haldir said nothing. He felt that no words could truly express how he was feeling at the moment. Arwen continued to beat on the door and the wall, yelling to be let out, and Haldir continued to ignore her. He sat in a chair propped up against the door, calmly sharpening his sword as the door shook behind him. It was this scene that Lord Celeborn walked in on.

"What is going on here, Haldir? Has all of Lorien gone mad?"

"I apologize for the inconvenience, my lord, but Lady Arwen is not quite herself at the moment and Lady Eowyn asked that I take care of her for a while."

"This is your idea of taking care of my granddaughter? You lock her in a room? Let her out at once, Haldir," Celeborn's temper was beginning to flare again. But Haldir stood his ground. Rising from his seat and laying his sword aside, he stepped towards Celeborn and attempted to explain the matter further.

"I do not think you fully understand the situation, my lord. Let me start at the very beginning. A very good place to start. When you read you begin with ABC, when you sing you begin with do, re, mi."

Celeborn blinked.

"Excuse me?"

"The first three notes just happen to be: do, re, mi. Repeat after me, please."

Celeborn simply stared at his now singing Marchwarden. On the other side of the door, Arwen had grown very quiet. Haldir, a huge grin plastered on his face, continued singing.

"Doe, a deer, a female deer. Re, a drop of golden sun. Mi, a name I call myself. Fa, a long, long way to run. So, a needle pulling thread. La, a note to follow so. Ti, a drink with jam and bread! That will bring us back to do-oh-oh-oh."

"What's going on out there?" Arwen's voice could now be heard again. "Why am I in here?"

Celeborn edged by Haldir, who was now doing some sort of strange little jig, and opened the door. A very sane Arwen stood on the other side. The two of them held onto each other tightly as they went back past Haldir.

"So, do, la, fa, mi, do, re. So, do, la, ti, do, re, do," the blond Elf sang with gusto. Arwen looked at her grandfather.

"What is wrong with him?"

"I believe it is what is known as a 'songfic', Arwen. Have you ever experienced one?"

"Now that I think of it, yes. But not too often."

"When you know the notes to sing, you can sing most anything. Together!" Haldir cried, reaching for Arwen's hand. She pulled out of the way just in time and Celeborn was grabbed instead.

"Arwen, we have to do something!" Celeborn shouted as Haldir whirled him around the room in a most undignified manner.

"Look at the bright side," Arwen pointed out, thoroughly enjoying the scene in front of her. "At least he's changed to another song."

"I could've danced all night. I could've danced all night. And still have begged for more. I could've spread my wings and done a thousand things I've never done before."

"I think I liked the other one better," Celeborn retorted. Arwen could only laugh as she tried to think of a way to get her grandfather out of this predicament.

* * *

A/N: Okay, the songfic thing was not expected, but I am a musical fanatic and when I wrote that sentence, 'Let me start at the very beginning', it just kind of grew from there. Sorry if I offend any songfic fans. I'm a songfic fan myself. If you love Broadway and Lord of the Rings, check out the story 'Lullabies of Broadway' by The Phantom. I discovered it last weekend and it had me in stitches for two days. I swear, I will never hear 'Be Our Guest' again without laughing.

Second Disclaimer: I do not own anything pertaining to the musicals 'Sound of Music' or 'My Fair Lady'. Well, except the DVDs. _grins cheekily _


	8. Marchwarden: The Musical

**

* * *

**

Chapter 8: March Warden: The Musical

Disclaimer: Do I look like Tolkien to you? And no, I don't look like Stephen Sommers or Gore Verbinski either. Nor do I collect any royalties from New Line, Universal, or Disney. I wish.

A/N: I'm bored and I still can't post anything, so here goes. Another chapter of randomness and oddity. Hey, I like that word. Oddity. What a cool word. Oh, and one VERY IMPORTANT NOTE! Regular font is speaking. Italics denote singing. Example: _Do re mi fa so la ti do_ See?

**A/N 2009: **This wasn't going up until tomorrow. Because I like to be mean like that and I happen to know that this chapter has been highly anticipated by a few people. But I have a friend who I think could use the laugh right now. In the immortal words of 'Auntie Mame': 'Well, we need it now, so let's go ahead and have it.'

I dedicate this chapter to Dreamstrifer. Partly because she's awesome, partly because I want to cheer her up, and partly because she's been talking about this chapter for, like, a week and a half now.

* * *

"Do you hear something?" Eowyn asked. They were still in search of the supposedly imprisoned Arwen and her jailer. Legolas raised an eyebrow and cocked his head to one side.

"I hear laughter," he replied. "Arwen's laughter."

The group followed the noise and it led them to a room where Arwen was slumped in a corner, unable to stand because she was laughing too hard. The cause of this malady was obvious.

Celeborn, red-faced with embarrassment and anger, was being whirled around by a singing Haldir. In spite of the situation, Eowyn couldn't help but note that Haldir was a rather good dancer. Of course, being an Elf, his voice was exceptional. Although she found Haldir's choice of a song rather odd.

_Do you wanna dance and hold my hand? Tell me baby, I'm your lovin' man. Oh, baby, do you wanna dance? Do you wanna dance under the moonlight? Hold me, baby, oh all through the night. Oh, baby, do you wanna dance? _

Of all those present, only Evelyn managed to keep a semi-straight face. Elladan had to leave the room to avoid his grandfather's death glare, but the others didn't care. It was far too absurd. Aragorn managed to help Arwen off the floor and she clung to him to keep from falling again.

"When did this start?" Eowyn inquired as she choked back her laughter.

"Just a few minutes ago," Arwen replied between gasps for breath.

"Someone really ought to rescue him," Elrohir said. Everyone nodded in agreement. No one moved.

"BY THE VALAR, WILL SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF THIS?!" Celeborn yelled, frustrated by their lack of motivation. As it turned out, no one needed to help him. Haldir abruptly released him and his formerly bubbly mood vanished. His eyes filled with tears and his tone became melancholy.

_There was a time when I was sure that you and I were truly one. That our future was together and could never come undone. And we came so close to being close, and though you cared for me, there's distance in your eyes tonight. So we're not meant to be. _

"Well, this is unexpected," Arwen whispered to Aragorn. Her husband nodded. Haldir took no notice and went right on singing.

_The love is gone, the love is gone. The sweetest dream that you have ever known. The love is gone, the love is gone. I wish you well, but I must leave you now alone. _

"Whoever is writing this songfic must have some serious emotional issues," Legolas observed. Celeborn shook his head as he attempted to readjust his clothing, which had been knocked askew during the impromptu dance.

"This is the result of several songfics being written simultaneously. He will change songs again in a minute."

_There comes a moment in your life, like a window and you see your future there before you and how perfect life can be. But adventure calls with unknown voices, pulling you away. Be careful or you may regret the choice you make someday. _

"At least I think he will," Celeborn muttered.

"I hope he does," said Arwen, her eyes already filling with tears. The melody of the song was unbearably heartbreaking.

_It was almost love. It was almost always. It was like a fairy tale we'd live out you and I. And yes some dreams come true. And yes some dreams fall through. And yes the time has come for us to say goodbye. _

"I can't listen to this anymore," Eowyn announced suddenly, her voice breaking suspiciously. "I'm going to go check on Anamaria and Elizabeth."

The shieldmaiden left the room just as Haldir finished his number.

_Yes, some dreams come true. Yes, some dreams fall through. And yes the time has come for us to say goodbye. _

He bowed his head as he held the last note out. Evelyn sniffed audibly. Other than that, the room was silent. Suddenly, Haldir's head snapped back up, a look that could only be described as romantic gleaming in his eyes. Quick as lightning, and much to the relief of Celeborn and all the other males present, he grabbed Celia and began to dance again. Celia thought about punching the Elf, but quickly decided against it. After all, it wasn't as if he had any control over what he was doing.

_It's very clear. Our love is here to stay. Not for a year. But ever and a day. _

Since he didn't seem intent on doing anything other than singing and dancing with Celia, the group felt they were free to discuss this newest problem.

"How do we get him to stop?" Anck inquired, keeping one eye on the Elf and her best friend. Celia could take care of herself, make no mistake about that, but Anck's protectiveness of the petite brunette was legendary.

"Your guess is as good as mine," said Evelyn.

"Songfics are rather complicated," Arwen added. "It's hard to justify putting a stop to them. Usually, I just let them run their course. After all, no one has ever been injured by one."

"Speak for yourself," Celeborn said under his breath. Legolas heard him and smiled.

"I believe Arwen meant that no one has ever been injured physically. Your pride is another story entirely, Lord Celeborn."

"Why, you little" Celeborn began, but Arwen cut him off.

"Oh, stop it. Both of you are behaving like Elflings. I say we just let this run its course."

"What about Celia?" asked Anck. Celia heard her and tried to reassure everyone.

"Don't worry about me. I'm fine. It's been a while since I've danced, actually, and this is rather nice. Look at it this way. At least this isn't a slash songfic."

Everyone else shuddered at the thoughts that brought up. After a moment, Arwen just shrugged in surrender.

"Well, since Celia has no objection to this, I guess we'll just wait for him to stop."

It was all very odd when one stopped to think about it. An Elf and the wife of a Medjai chieftain dancing for an audience consisting of five other Elves, the King of Gondor, an Egyptian concubine, and a female archaeologist. And things were only going to get stranger. For at that moment, Eowyn returned, with Anamaria and Elizabeth in tow.

Things became rather chaotic again after that. As soon as she saw Legolas, Elizabeth fainted dead away. As Elrohir, accompanied by Eowyn, carried Elizabeth back to the room, Anamaria tried to explain her friend's reaction.

"He looks just like young Mr. Turner," she whispered in disbelief. She had not, as yet, noticed the dancing and singing Haldir, who had just released Celia and was now doing a rather loud rendition of 'Oklahoma'.

"What did you say, Anamaria?" Arwen asked, endeavoring to hear the female pirate over the sounds of Haldir singing _OOOOOOOOOOOOOk-lahoma! Every night my honey lamb and I sit alone and talk and watch a hawk making lazy circles in the sky! _

"I said he looks like Will," Anamaria repeated, a little louder this time.

"What?!" Arwen asked again.

_We know we belong to the land. And the land we belong to is grand. _

"Would someone please shut him up?!" Arwen yelled. Aragorn and Legolas headed towards Haldir.

_And when we saaaaaaaaaay, Oh! Kai-yip-i-oh-ee-ay! HEY!_ HMMMPH! HMMMPH!!"

Aragorn, holding Haldir's arms behind him while Legolas tightened the knot on the gag, nodded at Arwen.

"Go ahead, meleth nin."

"Thank you," Arwen said, inclining her head to her husband and Legolas. She turned back to Anamaria.

"Now, Anamaria. What were you saying?"

"He looks like Will," Anamaria repeated again, gesturing towards Legolas. Understanding dawned on the other women in the room, while the men (or man and Elves) looked confused.

"Who is Will?" Aragorn inquired.

"It is a long story, Estel. One we simply do not have time for at the moment. I promise to tell you all about it some other time. Right now, though, I think the best thing is for Legolas to leave Lothlorien."

Legolas looked crestfallen.

"Leave? Do you really think that is necessary?"

"I am sorry, Legolas," and Arwen did feel genuinely bad about leaving her friend out of this mission. "But I do not think that Elizabeth will be any good to us if you stay here. The poor girl is a mess, really."

"But I wanted to help you with this, Arwen. Celia explained it all to me and I am very eager to help. You have no idea what I go through. And it is not just me. My father suffers as well. Do you have any idea how many of these writers think he abuses me? Why, my father has never laid a hand on me! Then there's the angst, the drama, the torture, the slash. For some reason, these writers feel my sexuality is open for interpretation. Gimli is not even speaking to me right now because of some 'unrequited love' slash fic. And please do not even get me started on the Mary Sues."

Arwen frowned. She knew Legolas had probably suffered more than anyone else when it came to fanfiction. It was possible that he had more of a right to join them on their quest than Elizabeth. But when it came right down to it, Arwen realized that Legolas might be more of a liability than the young girl.

"Legolas, please understand. Everything you just said is true. It is also the precise reason why you should not join us. What if we come to a crucial moment and someone starts writing a particularly impressive slash fic? Or a Mary Sue fic? We would have to stop everything to keep you out of trouble. And keeping you out of trouble is a full time job, my friend," she laid a hand on his shoulder in an effort to lessen the sting of her words.

"Tell me about it," muttered Aragorn. Legolas glared at him.

"You're one to talk, Estel! How many times have you fallen over a cliff? How many times have I had to bail you out of imminent danger when you were a child? How many-"

"That's enough!" Arwen cut in. She turned to face her husband. "You needn't be so smug, Estel. You will not be coming, either."

Aragorn's jaw dropped. Obviously, he had been planning on joining his wife.

"Why not?"

"Because you are a king, Estel, and you have country to care for."

"Faramir can handle that," Aragorn replied, his tone almost dismissive. Arwen frowned at him and he had the grace to look somewhat chagrined.

"Aragorn. That is unfair. It is not Faramir's responsibility. It is yours, meleth nin. And I know you will not shirk it," she smiled sweetly at him and he sighed as he felt the guilt pervade his senses. She was good.

"But what if something happens to you?"

"The twins and Haldir will be with us. That will be enough protection."

Aragorn looked over first at Elladan, who was playing 'Stone, Parchment, Dagger' with Celeborn, and then at Haldir, who was still trying to sing in spite of the gag in his mouth.

_mmmmmm ohhh mmmmmmm ohh mmph ohhh mmmmmppph _

"Yes, of course," he said, his gaze returning to his wife. "I feel much better when you put it that way."

"As you should," agreed Arwen, choosing to ignore her husband's sarcasm. "Now, as much as I would like for you to remain here, Estel, you really need to return to Gondor. And I am sure Legolas would be happy to accompany you."

Aragorn knew that there was no point in arguing with his wife. She would not give in. He sighed in defeat before saying his farewells to the group and heading out for Gondor. Legolas, after a brief staring contest with Arwen, soon followed him. Arwen started to remove the gag from Haldir's mouth.

"Nooooooo!" cried Celeborn, looking up from the engaging match of 'Stone, Parchment, Dagger' in time to see Arwen untie the knot. But it was too late.

_I'm singin' in the rain, just singin' in the rain. What a glorious feelin', I'm happy again _

"This certainly is an odd assortment of songs," said Evelyn.

"Very odd," Anck agreed. Celia pinched herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming. Had Anck and Evelyn just agreed? That was even odder than the songs.

"There's nothing we can really do," Arwen decided. "But we will have to lock him up or he will embarrass himself in front of all of Lorien."

"How long do you suppose this will go on?" Elladan asked. Celeborn shrugged.

"It is hard to say. You can never tell with songfics."

_Come on with the rain, I've a smile on my face _

"Do you have a key to this room, Lord Celeborn?" Celia inquired. Celeborn's eyes lit up as he nodded.

"Yes. That is a good idea, Lady Celia. We can leave him here overnight. That will give everyone a chance to get some rest for the journey to Rivendell. Hopefully, by then, this will have stopped."

Haldir was so busy singing that he didn't notice when the others slipped out, closing and locking the door behind them. By the time he did notice, he didn't care. He was far too interested in choreographing dance steps to go with the songs.

_It's fun to stay at the YMCA! It's fun to stay at the YMCA! _

* * *

A/N: Poor Haldir. Don't worry. He won't be suffering much longer. But he would like everyone to know that his songs were originally performed by,

'Do you Wanna Dance' – The Beach Boys

'The Love is Gone' - Meredith Braun as 'Belle' in 'A Muppet Christmas Carol' (I love that song!)

'Oklahoma' – Movie: Hugh Jackman as 'Curly' in 'Oklahoma'. Or Gordon McRae as 'Curly'. But I prefer Hugh.

'Singin' in the Rain' – Gene Kelly as 'Don Lockwood' in 'Singin' in the Rain'

'The YMCA' – The Village People

Disclaimer: I own none of the above in regards to the list. Unless you count owning the movies.


	9. On The Road To Rivendell

**Chapter 9: On the Road to Rivendell**

Disclaimer: I refuse to state the obvious.

Author's Note: If you left a review on the last chapter and I didn't reply, I apologize. Things have been incredibly….well, things aren't very good right now. Hopefully, I can catch up on those soon. Please believe me when I say that reviews are very much desired and very much appreciated.

And I'm sorry for the long delay in posting this chapter. I have been a naughty authoress.

* * *

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''Two days later

The female fellowship, plus Haldir, Elladan, and Elrohir, were on their way to Rivendell at last. Elrohir led the party, followed by Arwen, Celia, Anck, Evie, Elizabeth, Anamaria, Eowyn, and Elladan, in that precise order. Haldir had been sent to scout ahead for any dangers, or at least that's what Arwen had told him. In reality, she had sent him away for his own protection. The twins were threatening to kill their longtime friend in cold blood. Haldir was STILL singing. Even now, they could hear his voice drifting back to them.

_Lay down your sweet and weary head. Night has fallen, you have come to journey's end. _

Elladan groaned.

"This must be a record for songfics," he grumbled.

"I think you are right, brother," Arwen said. "But at least this song makes a little more sense in Middle Earth. I wonder, though, why it is only affecting Haldir. Why have we not joined him?"

"Don't jinx us, Arwen," Celia warned. "That question could safely top the list of 'famous last words'."

"You have a point. Forget I said anything at all."

"How much farther is it to Rivendell?" Elizabeth inquired. She had been able to speak in complete sentences for over twenty-four hours now, though she was still uncomfortable around the males of the group. All three Elves had wisely kept their distance from her, not wishing to be responsible for more hysterics from an otherwise charming lady.

"A few more days," Arwen replied. "Before the War of the Ring, it would have taken much longer. The shorter paths would not have been safe. There were many dangers along these roads then."

_Why do you weep? What are these tears upon your face? Soon you will see. All of your fears will pass away. Safe in my arms, you're only sleeping. _

"You know what? This song is really much better than some of the others we've had to endure," Evelyn observed. The others silently agreed, shuddering at the memory of Haldir performing a song that had something to do with hitting a baby one more time. They weren't sure which was worse. The lyrics, or the dance number that had accompanied them.

"At least he isn't getting carried away," Anck pointed out.

_WHAT CAN YOU SEEEEEEEE……..ON THE HORIZOOOOON? WHY DO THE WHITE GULLS CAAAAAALL? _

Everyone turned in their saddles and glared pointedly at the concubine of Seti.

"I stand corrected," she mumbled. "Sorry."

"Arwen, if I have to listen to this much longer, I will kill Haldir before he even has the chance to go 'across the sea where the pale moon rises'," Elrohir growled.

"What do you want me to do, Elrohir?" Arwen barely managed to keep from rolling her eyes. The songfic had been out of their control as soon as it started. It wasn't as if she could snap her fingers and make it go away. "We have tried everything. Even when he was gagged, he kept singing."

"Yes, but at least it was muffled," he replied.

"True, but if we leave him gagged, he might suffocate."

"That would be a pity," Elladan chimed in sarcastically. Arwen silenced him with the Death Glare she had learned so well from their father.

"Surely it cannot go on much longer," she said, trying to raise their spirits.

"Yet another phrase for the 'famous last words' list," Celia muttered. Eowyn decided to change the subject.

"Why do you suppose you were sent here, Anamaria?"

"What do ya mean?" the pirate looked confused.

"Well, I mean no offense of course, but are you here because you and Ja-," Eowyn cut herself off in time and started to rephrase the question after glancing nervously at Elizabeth. Luckily, the governor's daughter had fallen into conversation with Evelyn. The two British women were getting along famously.

"Are you involved with your captain?" Eowyn asked, hoping that the word 'captain' wouldn't set Elizabeth off. It didn't.

Anamaria was quiet for a little while and Eowyn began to worry that she had offended the female pirate. But she needn't have worried at all. Anamaria was far from offended. She was just surprised.

"I was," she replied. "A long time ago. Until he stole my boat."

"He stole your boat?" Eowyn was incredulous.

"Yes."

"What did you do?"

Anamaria smiled at the memory.

"I slapped him," she said, her satisfaction clear in her tone. "Twice."

Eowyn laughed, drawing the attention of a now bickering Arwen and Elrohir.

"What is so funny back there?" Arwen asked. Eowyn just shook her head and went back to her conversation with Anamaria.

"So if you have no 'personal' stake in this, why do you suppose you are here?"

Anamaria shrugged.

"I can think of two possible reasons. One is because of 'Liz. She needs a friend that she knows well. The other is the crew of the Black Pearl."

Eowyn mulled this name over before remembering what Anamaria was referring to.

"That is the ship he is captain of?"

"Aye. When he isn't off chasing after Mary Sues. The crew has been in danger too often 'cause of these fiction authors. Maybe I'm here to speak for them."

Well, that seemed logical. Eowyn was perfectly willing to accept either of Anamaria's explanations. Just as she started to ask Anamaria another question, she realized something. Coaxing her horse into a faster trot, she pulled up beside Arwen.

"Arwen, do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"My point exactly," Eowyn gave her friend a meaningful look.

Arwen frowned for a moment before understanding Eowyn's statement.

"Haldir stopped singing," she breathed, not daring to say it too loud. Elladan noticed it, too, and a look that could only be described as pure relief passed over his face.

"Thank the Valar," he whispered. His twin, however, was not so thankful.

"Something is wrong, Arwen," Elrohir said. "I can sense it."

Arwen looked at her brother as though he were insane.

"How can something be wrong? He stopped singing, didn't he?"

"Oh, Arwen. Has living among mortals clouded your senses that much? Do you not feel that something is amiss?"

After glaring at her brother, Arwen began to realize that he was right. Something was wrong. For some reason, she felt they should find Haldir. Quickly. Arwen turned to Eowyn and Elladan, who had just joined them.

"Elrohir and I will ride ahead to find Haldir. You two stay here with the others. If we need you, we will give a signal."

"What signal?"

"If the situation is dire, you will hear the sound of Haldir's horn. Elrohir has it."

"You do?" Elladan asked his twin. Elrohir nodded.

"I confiscated it from him yesterday afternoon, when he kept trying to use it as his own accompaniment."

"Oh," Elladan smiled, remembering that episode with perfect clarity.

"Eowyn, look after them, please. They are still strangers in our world and I do not wish for any harm to come to them."

"Yes, Arwen."

Arwen and Elrohir took off at a gallop, wondering how long it would take them to find the Lothlorien Elf. Perhaps he had finally come back to his senses and was hiding from them, embarrassed because of his recent behavior. If that was the case, they might be searching a long time. Haldir was a master at hiding himself when he did not wish to be found.

However, that was not the case this time. Haldir had come to his senses, in a way. But he was in much more imminent danger now. Arwen was the one who spotted him first and she did not hesitate to grab the horn from her brother and sound it long and loud. The three Elf maidens who were with Haldir glanced up when the horn was blown. Elrohir began to quiver visibly when one of the maidens focused solely on him.

"Arwen," he began.

"I know, Elrohir. Do not worry. They will not harm you."

Arwen jumped lightly off her horse and made her way over to Haldir, who was looking very uncomfortable.

"Lady Arwen, I am so glad to see you," he said, his tone emphasizing the word 'glad'.

"I am sure you are, Haldir. Who are your friends?" she inquired politely. One of the maidens stepped forward.

"I am Laurewen Ancalimon of Mirkwood. This is my sister, Alathwen, and our friend, Linwe Seregon of Imladris."

"Truly?" Arwen inquired. She studied Linwe with great interest. "I spent most of my life in Imladris, but never have I seen you before," she said, addressing Linwe.

"I was born in Imladris nearly four thousand years ago. My father was killed during the first war against Sauron and my mother returned to her people in Mirkwood. There, she succumbed to grief and I was left in the care of King Thranduil. I am only just returning to Imladris and my friends were accompanying me on my journey," the seemingly innocuous Elleth replied without hesitation.

"Most interesting," Arwen replied. She turned to Laurewen, who was still studying Elrohir with her intense emerald eyes. Elrohir squirmed a little, bringing a small smile to Laurewen's face. Laurewen's perfect, angelic face.

In the meantime, the others had just arrived, led by Eowyn. The shield maiden took in the sight before her. Three Elleths, all possessing incredible beauty. Two had hair black as night, ivory skin, and eyes greener than any Eowyn had ever seen. The other had a complexion just as flawless as those of her companions, but her hair was fairer than Eowyn's and her eyes were an alarming shade of violet.

"Oh, Elbereth," Eowyn whispered as she took in the expressions of Elladan, Elrohir, and Haldir. "Elven Mary Sues."

* * *

A/N: Here's a fun little fact for you. I got the Mary Sue names from an Elvish name generator. Laurewen Ancalimon is my real name in Elvish. Alathwen is my pen name in Elvish. And are you ready for this? Linwe Seregon is 'Mary Sue' in Elvish.

Disclaimer: I don't own the song 'Into the West' and if none of you recognized it, GO BUY THE ROTK SOUNDTRACK! It's such a cool song.


	10. To Defeat A Sue

**Chapter 10: To Defeat a Sue**

Disclaimer: I don't own it, I don't own it.

* * *

Arwen made her way towards Eowyn as the Shieldmaiden dismounted.

"It seems as though we have a problem," she said, arching her eyebrow.

"That's an understatement," Eowyn replied. The females of the group watched as Haldir, Elrohir, and Elladan helplessly fell under the hypnotic stares of the Mary-Sues.

"What should we do?" Elizabeth asked. Arwen frowned as she thought.

"Perhaps if we can test their knowledge of Middle Earth. If they become confused, it will cause writer's block for their authors and they will disappear."

"That doesn't sound too promising," Anck muttered. Arwen shook her head.

"It is a very large, 'if', Anck-su-namun. However, it is also quite possible."

"Have you done it before?" inquired Celia.

"Once. Before Estel and I were married, there was a particularly vicious Mary-Sue waiting for him in Rivendell after he met the Hobbits in Bree. She even convinced my father that she should join the Fellowship. It was horrible. There was nothing she could not do, it seemed. Aragorn fought her as best he could, but you know how weak men, or even Elves, are when it comes to Mary-Sues."

This drew nods and murmurs from everyone in the group, as they all recalled their own numerous run-ins with the evil Sues.

"In the end, I was able to stop her just before she and Aragorn were married," Arwen's smile was almost evil as she savored the memory of that moment. "I asked her what the name of Aragorn's mother was. She did not know. For the first time since her arrival in Rivendell, there was a question she could not answer. She just stood there, looking confused, before she finally faded. And I had Aragorn back again."

"Well, what kind of questions will you ask them?" Evelyn inquired, eager to get the Sues out of their hair.

Arwen bit her lip as she considered her options.

"I am not sure, yet. But Eowyn will help me. We must save my brothers and Haldir."

The group moved as a unit towards the Mary Sues. By now, the Elf maidens were paired off. Laurewen, who had set her sights on Elrohir as soon as she saw him, now had the son of Elrond practically eating out of her hand. Alathwen was with Elladan, discussing the finer points of archery, and Haldir was sitting at the feet of Linwe, serenading her. Arwen stifled the urge to roll her eyes.

"I must ask that you leave Middle Earth at once," the Queen of Gondor stated calmly. Laurewen, who seemed to be the leader of the Sues, looked at Arwen with a puzzled expression. She answered the canon character in a low, soft voice, her tone soothing to the groups' ears.

"Leave Middle Earth? But we have not yet heard the call of the Undying Lands. It is not our time to leave Middle Earth, just as it was not your destiny to join your people in Valinor."

"Do not attempt to distract me," Arwen said icily, not so easily swayed. "I know who you truly are, or rather _what_ you truly are. You do not belong in Middle Earth and you most certainly do not belong with my brother."

"I believe Elrohir is of a different opinion, Lady Arwen. Look. Have you ever seen him so happy?" Laurewen gestured to her conquest, who had a decidedly goofy grin on his face. Arwen grimaced.

"It is a false happiness. You are not in love with him. He is not truly in love with you. He only thinks he is. Now I will say this only once more. You must leave Middle Earth. It is my home, these," here she indicated Haldir and her brothers, "are my kin. I will not let you harm them."

Laurewen laughed. A trickling, silvery laugh that only served to ensnare poor Elrohir further. He joined the conversation.

"Sister, this is really no concern of yours. Laurewen loves me and I love her. Do you not want me to be happy?"

Before Arwen could reply, Laurewen's eyes lit up like stars and she spoke again in that low tone that had failed to soothe Arwen earlier.

"Of course she does not. If you were to fall in love, Elrohir, that would mean that your sister would be second in your affections. Lady Arwen could not understand that. Look what she made poor Estel go through. What sort of woman would tell the man she loved that she would marry no less than the King of Gondor and Arnor?"

Arwen's eyes widened in horror even as Elrohir began to believe what Laurewen was saying.

"All those years she made him wait. Your poor foster brother suffered for over sixty years, cruelly denied the one thing his heart desired most. Every breath he took, every step he walked was for Arwen. Now, do you not think that she would be capable of denying you happiness as well?"

"Of course she is capable of it," Elrohir growled. The other two Sues, along with Haldir and Elladan, had gathered around Laurewen and Elrohir. Laurewen glanced at Elladan and Haldir.

"It is the same for you as well, Elladan and Haldir. Your happiness is not important to her. It is not important to any of them."

"I will hear no more of this!" cried Arwen, her temper getting the better of her. "To begin with, I never told Estel that I would marry no less than the King of Gondor and Arnor. Ada told him that. I had no part of it. Do you not remember that, Elrohir? Elladan?"

The twins looked confused for a moment and Arwen leapt at the opportunity to begin her questioning.

"Since you seem to be so well acquainted with Middle Earth in general and the Elves in particular, perhaps you would not mind answering a few questions?"

Laurewen shrugged gracefully, her perfectly rounded shoulders slipping oh-so-slightly out of her elegant moonbeam-like dress.

"What is the name of my mother?"

"Celebrian." The answer came quickly and decisively. Arwen hid her dismay at the speed with which her question was answered and forged ahead.

"Estel's mother?"

"Gilraen."

"Who rescued Frodo from the Ringwraiths?"

"Glorfindel."

Arwen frowned. That question usually did the trick. Eowyn jumped in, determined that these Sues would not win.

"Where did Faramir take Frodo, Sam, and Gollum after he captured them in the wilderness?"

"Osgiliath," Linwe replied before Laurewen could even open her mouth. As soon as she spoke, she began to fade.

"What's happening to me?" she asked. Eowyn smiled.

"Faramir never took the Hobbits to Osgiliath. He didn't even take them as prisoners."

Linwe groaned as she continued to fade, her power over Haldir lessening by the minute. Soon, there was nothing but air where the 'Elf' from Imladris had once stood. Arwen smiled slightly at Eowyn and, her confidence boosted by the loss of Linwe, continued the inquisition.

"Why was Estel raised by my father?"

"His father, Arathorn, was killed when Aragorn was only a baby. Lord Elrond took him in and renamed him to protect him."

Eowyn bit back a sigh, but kept her attention riveted to the remaining Sues. Though she noted out of the corner of her eye that Celia and Anck were tending to a very shaken Haldir.

"Why was Legolas at the Council of Elrond?"

"He had come to Rivendell to inform Lord Elrond that Gollum, whom the Mirkwood Elves had been guarding, had escaped."

Arwen went rather pale. Eowyn whispered in her ear.

"A book canon Mary Sue?"

Arwen nodded and replied, "Very rare, but infinitely more dangerous than your average Mary Sue."

But Arwen was renowned for her determination and she went on with her questions, even though Laurewen looked rather bored with the whole ordeal.

"Why did Gollum abandon Frodo and Sam when they were so close to Mount Doom?"

"Gollum didn't abandon Frodo and Sam, Laurewen. That is a trick question. Sam wasn't with Frodo in Shelob's Lair. He was already gone," Alathwen jumped into the conversation.

Just as Linwe had done, Alathwen began to fade. Alarmed, she looked at Arwen.

"Sam never left Frodo's side," Arwen said calmly. Alathwen fought with all her might, but she, too, was soon gone.

"Two down," Evelyn said as she headed for Elladan.

"One to go," finished Elizabeth, only hesitating slightly before helping her newly-minted friend.

The questions went on and on relentlessly. The others in the female fellowship were still busy tending to Elladan and Haldir, who were in a weakened state due to the power their Mary-Sues had held over them. Eowyn remained by Arwen's side, coming up with questions when Arwen seemed to run out of ideas. Anamaria stood by the sidelines, sometimes observing the two inquisitors, wishing there was such a way to get rid of Mary Sues in her world.

"Why did Merry look into the palantir?"

"Merry didn't. It was Pippin who looked into the palantir."

Arwen sighed. She was exhausted. This Mary Sue was too much for her. She had questioned the girl on everything she could think of. She was beginning to lose hope.

Suddenly, Arwen's eyes lit up. Hope! That was it!

"Who said, 'Onen i-Estel Edain. U-chebin Estel anim.'?"

"Lord Elrond said 'I gave hope to the Dunedain.' Aragorn said 'I have kept no hope for myself.'."

The ladies who were tending to Elladan and Haldir were frightened out of their wits when an ear-piercing scream shattered the air. Turning, they saw that Arwen had obviously succeeded in her goal. Slowly but surely, Laurewen was beginning to fade.

"No! NO! It was Gilraen! It was Gilraen! Elrohir! My love! Help me! Please!"

But Elrohir was too stunned by what was transpiring in front of his eyes. As Laurewen faded, he began to grow weaker and weaker. Arwen and Eowyn each grabbed one of his arms and lowered him to the ground gently. Then Arwen turned back to Laurewen, who had sunk to her knees, still pleading to stay in Middle Earth.

"You will no longer be allowed into Middle Earth. That is the penalty. I hereby banish you."

"You can get rid of me, Arwen Evenstar! But you will never win this war! There are too many of us and far too few of you! We will continue to invade your home! We will never give up in our quest!"

"Neither will we," Arwen said, her voice like steel. Laurewen gave a final scream before she vanished completely. The group remained silent for a while, unsure of what to say. Anamaria finally seemed to sum it up.

"Well," she said, borrowing a phrase from her captain, "that was interesting."

* * *

A/N: All for now, but I promise I'll be good and write more soon. I know this chapter wasn't that funny, but let's face it. Sues are no laughing matter. Review, please!


	11. The Trouble with Hobbit Lasses

**Chapter 11: The Trouble with Hobbit Lasses**

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or the various movies/books I stole them from

A/N: Oddity! Oddity galore!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters you recognize.

* * *

Day faded into night. And Eowyn, along with Anck, Anamaria, and Elizabeth, had managed to set up a rather comfortable camp. Arwen, Celia, and Evelyn were given the job of tending to their fallen escorts. All three Elves were ill, running fevers and muttering incoherently. Celia dealt with Haldir, Evelyn with Elladan. Arwen was with Elrohir, who was much worse than the other two. Having been under Laurewen's power for so long, it was much more difficult for him to recover. Arwen, having dealt with these circumstances when she had defeated Aragorn's Mary Sue, stayed with Elrohir throughout the night.

Eowyn awoke in the hour of dawn and was not at all surprised to see her queen sitting beside Elrohir, who lay with his eyes closed, a sure sign that something was still dreadfully wrong.

"Have you slept at all, Arwen?" she asked, joining her friend. Arwen shook her head.

"How could I? Look at him, Eowyn. Even Aragorn wasn't this bad and he was under the Mary Sue's power much longer than Elrohir was."

Eowyn slipped an arm around Arwen's shoulders, endeavoring to comfort her.

"But Aragorn's Mary Sue was not book canon, Arwen. You know those Sues are the most powerful of all. Elrohir will be fine. He just needs time. What about Haldir and Elladan?"

"Elladan's fever broke before Evelyn even went to sleep. She managed to get him to sleep peacefully, though I don't know how. He has not closed his eyes since then and I am encouraged by that. Haldir was a bit more difficult for some reason. I tried to get Celia to leave him, told her she needed sleep. But she is as stubborn as you, Eowyn. Haldir's fever broke only a couple of hours ago. Even then, Celia would not leave his side."

Eowyn looked in the direction of Haldir, who also slept with his eyes open. Sure enough, Celia lay nearby. She wasn't very close to Haldir, but close enough to reach him quickly if he needed something. Eowyn smiled.

"She is a worthy ally, Arwen."

"They all are. I am glad they are here. But we cannot wait much longer. We must reach Rivendell. The longer we wait, the worse our problems will become. If Elrohir has not recovered by the time we strike camp, we will have to put him with someone. Surely he will be back to normal by the time we reach Imladris."

Eowyn nodded reassuringly, though she wasn't sure at all, while Arwen watched her brother with troubled eyes.

* * *

Elrohir had not recovered by the time everyone else was ready to go. Elladan, who was almost completely back to normal, offered to let Elrohir ride with him, but Arwen refused.

"Thank you, Elladan, but I would rather he stay with me. Not only that, but I want you to stay near Evelyn. She cared for you last night and will continue to do so today. Haldir, you stay with Celia."

The Marchwarden bristled at this.

"I am not a child who requires looking after, Arwen. Elladan and I are perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves."

Arwen mounted her horse, Asfaloth, and looked back down at her friend.

"This is not open for discussion, Haldir. You and Elladan are still not strong enough for my liking. I do not ask that you double up with Evelyn and Celia. Only that you ride next to them. They have been informed of what to do should you begin to lose your strength again."

"I am a grown Elf of over three thousand years, Arwen! This is ridiculous!"

"Please, Haldir. I am concerned for you. For both of you. I've enough to deal with right now without having to worry about you and Elladan as well."

Haldir started to protest, but Arwen moved in for the kill as she leaned down towards her friend and spoke in a softer tone.

"You looked out for me once, Haldir. Please allow me to return the favor."

He sighed at that, knowing he had been defeated. Nodding in agreement, he started to make his way towards Celia, where his horse was waiting somewhat impatiently.

"Very well, Arwen," he said as he swung himself effortlessly onto the horse. "But who will protect you?"

"It seems to me," said Eowyn with a slight smile, "that we are the only ones who have had to do the protecting so far." Haldir glared at her, causing her smile to widen.

"Eowyn will be in the rear. She is more than capable of handling that responsibility. I will be in front, along with Anck and Anamaria. All the women here have seen battle, even Elizabeth. We are able to handle ourselves."

"Why did we even come?" Elladan grumbled as he brought his horse up next to Haldir.

"Celeborn made us," Haldir replied.

"Ah, yes," said Elladan, sighing when Evelyn looked back at him with a somewhat impatient air. "Remind me to thank my dear grandfather later."

"Believe me, I will."

Rivendell was not quite as peaceful as it had been in earlier years. In fact, Rivendell was not quite as peaceful as it had been only a few days ago. The arrival of Estella Brandybuck, Diamond Took, and, in particular, Rosie Gamgee, had shattered the stillness that Glorfindel had once taken for granted. He didn't take it for granted anymore.

Estella and Diamond, like their husbands, had a mischievous streak a mile wide. In the few days they had been in Rivendell, most of the Elves had learned to steer clear of them. The only one they would not touch was Glorfindel. Apparently, since he had saved Frodo from the Ringwraiths, this meant he was off-limits where practical jokes were concerned. Everyone else, however, was fair game. Including Erestor, who was sulking because Glorfindel had been unsuccessful in getting his hair back to its original color. He insisted that Glorfindel just wasn't trying because he enjoyed seeing Erestor with purple hair. Glorfindel had, of course, vehemently denied this, but was having a hard time even convincing himself that he didn't get just a little bit of satisfaction out of Erestor's predicament.

As distracting as Estella and Diamond were, Glorfindel hated running into Rosie even more. She had seemed like an average, happy Hobbit when he first met her, but, as he soon learned, she was prone to violent mood swings. She would bounce between one extreme and the other and poor Glorfindel never knew which mood she would be in from hour to hour. And so Rosie walked the halls of the Last Homely House, sometimes with her two friends, laughing about something or other, and sometimes alone, muttering under her breath, her blue eyes darkened to a stormy grey.

All this put Glorfindel in quite a spot. On the one hand, he had the pranksters to deal with and, on the other, a moody Hobbit lass who, to make matters worse, was expecting her fifth child. Her condition did not help the mood swings one bit.

He began to seek solace in the trees, hoping no one would think to look for him there. His choice of hiding place served a double purpose. Not only would he be able to avoid everyone, but he would also be the first to see the party arriving from Lothlorien. Then he would have the excuse of riding out to meet them.

The Hobbits had been in Rivendell for a little over a week when Glorfindel first spotted Arwen leading the group. He jumped down from the tree and ran to the stables, grabbing the first horse he saw. Erestor, his hair still a brilliant purple, emerged from a nearby building just in time to see Glorfindel jump on the horse and take off. He started to follow, but snickers from a nearby group of Elflings drove him back inside.

"Arwen, is that Glorfindel?"

Arwen looked in the direction Elladan was pointing and her face lit up.

"It is. Thank the Valar."

She turned to the rest of the group.

"Glorfindel is the one who escorted our three friends from the Shire. He is in charge of Imladris when my brothers are away."

"He's riding fast. I wonder if something is wrong," Eowyn observed. Haldir and Elladan exchanged glances. They had been wondering the same thing. Elrohir, who was now riding with Elladan, lifted his head up off his brother's shoulder to see what all the fuss was about.

"Oh, it's Glorfindel," he said before dropping his head down. This time it was Arwen and Eowyn who exchanged glances. Worried glances. Elrohir wasn't recovering as quickly as they would like.

"Arwen!" called Glorfindel as he neared them. "Arwen, I am so glad to see you. You have no idea how glad."

"Is something wrong, Glorfindel?"

Glorfindel came to a halt in front of the group and regarded Arwen for a moment, debating which problem to tackle first. Well…..he had his priorities.

"Yes, as a matter of fact. For one thing, you are riding my horse."

Arwen blushed furiously.

"I do apologize, Glorfindel. I cannot help it if these fanfiction authors insist on giving me Asfaloth."

"I have hardly seen my horse in the past eight years," Glorfindel went on. "Do you suppose I could have him back?"

"Of course you can," Arwen smiled. She knew it would not do much good, though. She would only wind up with Asfaloth again in a matter of days. Since the thing Galadriel had called a 'movie' had first appeared years ago, Arwen had returned Asfaloth to his rightful owner more times than she could count. Really, it was getting ridiculous.

"Now, Glorfindel, suppose you tell me what else is bothering you," Arwen said after she and Glorfindel had switched horses and introductions had been made.

"Well, Arwen, it has to do with these Hobbits," he began. He launched into his tale of woe, throwing a stern look at Elladan, who snickered when Glorfindel told the tale of Erestor's purple hair. When he was done, Arwen sighed.

"I had no idea it was so bad with Rosie," she said. Eowyn nodded in agreement.

"I didn't, either."

"Glorfindel, I want you to do something for me. Take Elrohir to the Last Homely House and put him in his room. Perhaps, if he gets some proper rest, he will begin to recover more quickly. Elladan, Haldir, will you escort everyone to their rooms and get them settled? Eowyn and I will find the hobbits and see what we can do about this. Oh, Glorfindel?"

"Yes?" answered Glorfindel, who had just managed to get Elrohir on Asfaloth.

"Please tell Erestor to stay in his quarters until I can have a word with him."

"I do not believe you need to worry about that, Lady Arwen," Glorfindel couldn't stop the grin that spread across his face. "But I will tell him."

Glorfindel rode off towards Rivendell, followed closely by Haldir, Elladan, and the other members of the female fellowship. Arwen turned to Eowyn.

"Well, I suppose we should get this over with," she said resignedly. Eowyn looked at her sharply.

"Are you regretting your decision to send for them, Arwen?"

"No," Arwen replied quickly, not regretting the Hobbits' presence in the slightest. "I just wish that I did not have to deal with an angry Rosie Gamgee."

Eowyn agreed heartily with that statement, but she was determined to make something good out of this.

"Look at it this way, Arwen. We're not looking forward to dealing with her and Rosie is our friend. Imagine what someone who is not her friend would feel like."

Arwen smiled at that thought.

"Very reassuring, Eowyn. You can be quite evil at times, you know."

"So Faramir tells me."

"Well, shall we?" Arwen inquired, indicating Rivendell in the distance.

"Shall we, indeed," Eowyn replied, and the two made their way to Imladris.

* * *

A/N: Fear not. Elrohir shall recover. But he was under the spell of a very dangerous Mary Sue. It takes time. BTW, a full bottle of miruvor wine or rum (your choice) to whoever can guess what movie those last two lines came from. Hint: Colin Farrell is in it.


	12. To Chat With A Hobbit

**Chapter 12: To Chat with a Hobbit**

Disclaimer: I've done this 11 times already! Isn't that enough?

* * *

"This is beautiful," breathed Elizabeth as she peered out the window of the room she and Anamaria were sharing. Ana merely grunted in reply.

"In all my life, I've never seen anything like this place."

"What about Lothlorien?" Ana asked.

"I don't think beautiful really describes Lothlorien," Elizabeth replied. "Mysterious and ethereal would be better words for that place. There was something about Lothlorien that made it seem, I don't know, untouchable I suppose. But this place isn't like that at all. I feel more comfortable here."

Elizabeth turned from her place at the window only to find that Anamaria had still not emerged from the small dressing room.

"Anamaria, what is taking you so long? There is nothing complicated about these clothes Arwen sent for us to wear."

"Easy for you to say," came the reply. Elizabeth smiled before studying her own reflection in the mirror. She was beginning to think she could definitely remain here on Middle Earth for the rest of her days, preferably in Rivendell. She turned from side to side, studying the dress Arwen had sent for her to wear. It was easily the most beautiful dress Elizabeth had ever seen and, best of all, there was no corset. Though the dress was elegant, it was the most comfortable thing Miss Swann had ever worn in her life.

At this point, Anamaria emerged from the dressing room, tugging at the dark red fabric of her own dress. Elizabeth practically squealed with delight.

"Anamaria, you look beautiful!"

"How do you wear these things?" Anamaria inquired, fidgeting with her skirt. "They're a bloody pain."

"These are actually comfortable compared to some of the things I've been forced to wear," said Elizabeth, shuddering as she remembered the corset. A knock sounded on the door and Elizabeth opened it to reveal Anck, Celia, and Evelyn, all dressed similarly to Elizabeth and Ana. Celia and Evelyn looked quite happy, but Anck seemed to be of the same opinion as Anamaria.

"Glorfindel has volunteered to take us on a tour of Rivendell," Evelyn said. "Would the two of you like to come? It will give us something to do while Arwen and Eowyn speak with their friends."

Anamaria and Elizabeth both agreed to go and the five women headed off in search of Glorfindel.

**''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''Meanwhile**

"It has been too long, your Majesty," said Diamond. She started to curtsy, but Arwen put a hand on her shoulder.

"Dearest Diamond, we are not in Gondor. Even if we were, you know better than to start bowing to me. We have always been friends. Please, sit down."

Diamond sat accordingly. On their way to Rivendell, Arwen and Eowyn had decided that the best way to handle this would be to talk to Estella and Diamond separately, then talk to Rosie together, with the other two Hobbits present as well. Since Arwen knew Diamond best and Eowyn knew Estella, it only seemed natural that Arwen would speak with Diamond. Down the hall, Eowyn and Estella were having a similar conversation.

"How are things in the Shire?" Arwen inquired, handing Diamond a cup of tea. She really had missed Pippin's wife, who was just as full of life as Pippin was.

"Things are well enough, I suppose."

"You know why I sent you the message?" Arwen hoped the answer would be in the affirmative.

"Yes. The three of us discussed it while we were waiting for Lord Glorfindel in Bree. There seemed to be only one logical conclusion."

"And that is?"

"That you and Lady Eowyn are as fed up with this fanfiction nonsense as we Hobbits are."

Arwen nodded approvingly.

"Did you have any trouble convincing your husbands to let you go?"

Diamond rolled her eyes.

"Oh, yes. Sam, in particular, was worried about Rosie. You know, she's expecting again."

"Again? How many does that make?"

"This will be five."

"Oh….my."

"Once they understood that Glorfindel would be with us after Bree, though, they eased up a little. Pippin arranged for several escorts to Bree, however."

"I thought the road from the Shire to Bree was safe now," Arwen said, clearly confused.

"Oh, it is. But that's my Pippin for you."

"Diamond, I'm about to bring up a very unpleasant subject, but I must know. What is the biggest difficulty the three of you have come up against? Concerning fanfiction, I mean."

Diamond answered without hesitation.

"Slash. Without a doubt. Oh, it's simply awful. Estella and I have a hard enough time with Merry and Pippin, but Rosie's situation is twice, if not three times, worse."

"Glorfindel told me about her mood swings."

"Yes," Diamond nodded, her expression full of sorrow. She had been friends with Rosie since they were both children and she didn't like seeing her friend so….well, so unlike herself. "Rosie and Sam used to be so happy, too. Did you know he threatened to leave her two years ago?"

Arwen was aghast.

"No. Not Sam. Surely this can't have affected him that much."

"But it has. Estella and I have discussed this many times and we even came up with the theory that this slash was also part of the reason Frodo left for Valinor. He just couldn't bear it anymore, coming between Sam and Rosie. He loved them both so dearly."

"His departure didn't help matters, though, did it?" Arwen asked, her tone making it more of a statement than an actual question. Diamond scowled.

"No, not at all."

Arwen stood and paced the room for a moment, trying to think of a way to bring the Rosie they knew and loved back. Diamond was obviously in control of her emotions and Arwen assumed Estella was, too. Maybe if she, Eowyn, Diamond, and Estella worked together, they could get Rosie to focus better, thereby making her a more effective member of the fellowship.

Diamond watched with keen emerald eyes as Arwen walked back and forth. She hadn't spent a whole lot of time with the Queen of Gondor, but she knew her well enough to know that Arwen could help Rosie. If anyone could help Rosie, Diamond was confident that Arwen could.

"Diamond, will you and Estella help us with our quest? It is very dangerous, of course. We have already been attacked by Mary Sues and a particularly relentless songfic. Looking back, I'm not sure which was worse. But there is strength in numbers, Diamond, and the two of you will be a valuable addition to our group."

"What about Rosie?" Diamond asked with concern. She couldn't, in all good conscience, leave her friend out of this undertaking.

"We'll have to talk to her together," Arwen decided. "All four of us. Do you think she'll join us?" the question was hesitant, but Diamond answered almost before Arwen had finished speaking.

"Oh, yes."

"Do you think she can control her anger?"

Now Diamond was less sure of herself.

"Oh. I don't really know. Rosie is difficult to predict sometimes. But I have the feeling that, if she is given the opportunity to save her Sam, she'll do everything within her power to see that it is accomplished. For all her anger, Rosie has never blamed Sam. She knows who is behind all this mischief."

"Well, that is something at least. Come. We will fetch Eowyn and Estella and tell them of our plan. Then, we'll talk to Rosie."

* * *

"Of course I'll do it!"

"Rosie, you haven't let Queen Arwen finish, dear," Diamond protested.

"Please, Diamond. Just call me Arwen. All of you call me Arwen. Now, Rosie, Diamond has a point. In order for you to fight this evil, you cannot just unleash your anger against anyone. It has to be controlled. Otherwise, you will only endanger yourself and the rest of the group as well," Arwen hated to sound so unfeeling, but she felt that a firm approach would be best in this case.

"Quee – I mean Arwen. Arwen, I have watched the love of my life find comfort in the arms of another for years now. If we have even the slightest chance of defeating these fanfiction authors, I will do anything you ask of me. I am tired of being deprived of my husband, tired of the stares and whispers of the other Hobbits. Most of all, I am tired of the fact that anyone would think my Sam could love anyone but me! Whatever you ask of me, I will do it. And much more than that."

"I agree," said Estella. "Diamond and I are just downright disturbed by some of the things that have been written about our husbands over the years. They are cousins! Family!"

"I can understand that," Eowyn muttered. Arwen gave her a sympathetic glance, but said nothing. Eowyn had only spoken once of the most heartbreaking kind of fanfiction she had ever experienced where Faramir was concerned. Arwen, too, had experienced her fair share of the authors that insisted Aragorn belonged with someone who had been in the fellowship. Legolas was the most common of these, but he was followed closely by Boromir.

"I must have your word, Rosie, that you can control your anger and use it properly," Arwen returned to the question at hand.

"You have my word as a Gamgee, Arwen, that I will do whatever you ask of me. I promise with every fiber of my being that I will not allow my emotions to control me," Rosie tossed her curls defiantly, her eyes blazing with purpose.

"I believe you, Mistress Gamgee. All of you will be worthy allies. Of this I am certain. Now, let us find the rest and introduce you to them."

The five of them started out of the room and down the hall. As Arwen rounded a corner, she ran into something. Something hard. She was knocked onto the floor and, when her vision cleared, she saw Eowyn helping Evelyn to her feet.

"Oh, Arwen, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I always seem to be causing accidents."

"It is quite alright, Evelyn," Arwen replied as Eowyn helped her to her feet. "What has you in such a hurry?"

"Lord Glorfindel sent me for you. Arwen, there are strangers in the gardens. They claim to be here to help us."

Eowyn and Arwen exchanged confused glances before Arwen finally spoke again.

"Very well, Evelyn. Take us to them."

* * *

A/N: Hmmm. Who are these strangers? I wonder…… Thanks for reading and please review.

Chapter summary: In which not very much happens and so the authoress decides to go ahead and upload the next chapter, too. Which, by the way, has required the most editing so far.


	13. More Members?

**Chapter 13: More Members?**

Disclaimer: I refuse to depress myself with all the details of what I don't own.

SHOUT-OUTS….FROM THE PAST!!!!!:

Mercury Gray: Rest assured, my friend. I do not consider Rhoswen to be any more of a Sue than Celia is. To me, Sues are flawless women/hobbits/elves who possess incredible power over a male (usually our hapless Prince of Mirkwood). You have given Rhoswen subtle flaws that only make her more human and more endearing. I like Rhoswen very much. Your story is an AU, but it's my favorite type of AU. Darling Boromir must live! If he does not, I will cry!

**A/N 2009: **For those of you who read this story when I first posted it, you will most likely recognize that there have been many changes made here. I won't go into further detail than that (for those of you who don't know who we're expecting) until the end of the chapter.

* * *

When Arwen and the others arrived in the gardens, they were met with a most peculiar sight. Five children had been brought to Middle Earth. Celia and Elizabeth were doing their best to try to engage them in conversation, but it seemed that only two of them were interested in doing any talking. Both were boys and seemed to be older than the rest. The other boy and the two girls merely stood by quietly, obviously more than happy to let their friends do all the talking.

When the children saw Arwen, however, they immediately fell to their knees. More than a little disconcerted by this action, Arwen hurried forward to reassure them.

"Please, stand."

They stood reluctantly and a boy who did not quite look like the others stepped forward. His clothes seemed to denote that he was royal or of the nobility. Although the gold circlet around his fair colored hair pretty much confirmed royalty was the more likely of the two. Arwen frowned slightly as she studied him. His clothing looked almost familiar, but she could not place the country.

"We have been sent to learn and help, Queen Arwen."

"To learn?" Arwen arched an eyebrow.

"Word has reached us of your quest and we wish to learn more about it. We can help as well."

"Who are you?" asked Arwen, not unkindly. The boy blushed.

"Forgive my manners, Queen Arwen. I am Prince Caspian of Narnia. This is the High King Peter, King Edmund, Queen Susan, and Queen Lucy."

High King Peter stepped forward at this point.

"We are the Pevensies," he said. "It is not necessary to bother with our titles. Our first names are good enough for us."

"You are from this Narnia as well?" Eowyn inquired.

"Yes and no. We ruled Narnia long ago, but we came there from another world. A world called Earth. Caspian is the only true Narnian among us."

"Nonsense, Peter," Prince Caspian frowned. "You know that anyone who believes in Aslan is a true Narnian. Besides, it was your kind that first ruled Narnia anyway."

Arwen shook her head slightly. She was rather confused by the whole thing. Lucy, a seemingly quiet, dark-haired young girl, saw Arwen's expression and rolled her eyes.

"Oh, stop it both of you! Can't you see that you're confusing her? Really, Queen Arwen, it is all quite simple to explain."

"No, it isn't," protested Edmund. Lucy silenced him with a look. But the look faded as she gave it some thought.

"Alright, then. Perhaps it isn't so easy to explain. But we will have plenty of time to discuss the past later. Right now, what's important is to explain the reason we're here."

"You're right, Lucy," Caspian agreed. "Our deepest apologies, my lady. We never meant to confuse you."

Arwen smiled.

"That is quite alright, Prince Caspian. It seems that it doesn't take much to confuse me these days. Now, suppose you tell us why and how you were sent here."

"Oh, the how is easier than the why," said Susan, speaking for the first time. "Aslan sent us here."

"Who is Aslan?"

The five newcomers exchanged surprised looks. They had thought that, since Aslan knew about this place, the people of this world would know about Aslan.

"Aslan is a Lion. But not just any Lion. Aslan created our world. He gave the gift of speech to the Talking Animals and He defeated the White Witch. He sacrificed himself for Edmund."

Lucy frowned at Susan's explanation. It didn't really do any justice to Aslan. In fact, she had the feeling that Susan's attempt to describe Aslan had only served to confuse all these people even more.

"Queen Arwen, the simple truth of the matter is this," Lucy launched into a different description of the true ruler of Narnia. "Aslan can't really be explained. He defies explanation. If you were to ever look upon Him, you would understand and, at the same time, you wouldn't understand at all. He is fierce, but tender. Hard, but compassionate. His presence fills you with joy and with fear all at the same time. That is Aslan as I know Him, and yet I don't really know Him at all. I have only begun to scratch the surface."

There was silence in the group for a while as they pondered this. Peter put an arm around Lucy and drew her close to him.

"My sister is closer to Aslan than any of us. What she says is true. He is difficult to explain. Perhaps we would do better to explain why He sent us," Peter said. Arwen nodded.

"I think that is an excellent idea. Please follow me."

She and Glorfindel led the way back towards the Last Homely House and soon everyone was seated comfortably, waiting for Peter to begin the explanation. But, once again, it was Lucy who spoke up.

"We have always been aware of this evil known as fanfiction. But, until recently, it hasn't bothered us too terribly much. Now, all of a sudden, things are constantly out of place."

"My hair color keeps changing," Caspian announced, his tone indicating that he was more than a little annoyed with this problem and was not willing to keep silent on the matter any longer. "And then there's the matter of my age. It's all very confusing. One minute I'm about thirteen or fourteen with fair hair. Next thing I know, I'm about seventeen or eighteen with dark hair. Or, sometimes, I still have my lighter hair. Depending on whether the author is writing during my struggle for the throne or during my adventure on the Dawn Treader. It's very frustrating. I have to take an extra set of clothes with me wherever I go. I never know when I'll suddenly be in clothes that are too big or too small for me. And I have this strange accent that appears when I'm older and have dark hair."

"Let's not leave out the fact that you can't seem to make up your mind as to which of my sisters you like," Peter muttered. "Or if you like either one of them at all."

Arwen blanched at that, giving Caspian a sharp look.

"Neither one at the moment, Peter," Caspian sighed. "Although only Aslan knows how long _that_ will last."

Lucy and Susan both seemed to heave silent sighs of relief at this. Edmund just shook his head, but Peter was still looking at Caspian with a somewhat murderous light in his eyes. Arwen knew the look well. Elladan and Elrohir had leveled such looks at Aragorn on numerous occasions.

"Why do you keep changing so much?" Eowyn inquired.

"Our world was created by books. Then there was a movie…." Susan trailed off as she saw that she didn't have to explain anything further to these people.

"We understand," Arwen assured them. Oh, yes. She understood all too well. "Is it just Caspian that has to deal with these 'changes'?"

Edmund shook his head.

"Not at all. He is just the most….extreme of all of us. And…I'm sorry, Caspian….his accent is the most annoying change of all. If you leave the part about my sisters out."

"Please do," Peter made his presence known again.

Caspian only smiled slightly at Edmund, seeming to almost agree with his friend's statement. As Lucy endeavored to get Peter calmed down, Arwen pondered the addition of these children to the fellowship. To be sure, she was not one to judge based on physical size. Hadn't the One Ring been destroyed by a Hobbit? But could children handle such an important mission?

"Aside from the switches between book canon and movie canon, what are some of the problems you have faced with fanfiction?" she asked.

"Slash," growled Caspian, his hand swiftly going to the hilt of his sword. Clearly, slash was an issue in the world of Narnia fanfiction. Arwen noticed Rosie's face twitch a little when the word was spoken, but the Hobbit held herself together admirably.

"Would you say that is the biggest problem for your world?" Arwen inquired.

"Without a doubt," this from Edmund, who was edging away from Caspian slightly.

"There are also those who feel that Caspian and my sister Lucy are romantically involved in book canon. And then there are the 'Suspian' writers from movie canon," Peter put in. Susan made a face at the word 'Suspian'. Lucy studiously ignored the mention of romance. And Caspian, though he tried to seem put out by the constantly changing relationships, couldn't quite keep an almost satisfied look off his face.

"Mary Sues are an issue as well," said Edmund. "They seem to be more inclined towards Peter and, sometimes, Caspian. But there are those who are always trying to 'heal' me or 'fix' me. Very annoying."

"At least you aren't romantically linked with a faun that's three times your age," Lucy sniffed. Susan put an arm around her younger sister in a gesture of comfort. Arwen, figuring Lucy wasn't referring to a baby deer, decided she didn't want to know what a faun was and pulled Eowyn over into a corner so they could debate this new addition to the fellowship.

"What do you think, Eowyn?"

"I think Caspian isn't nearly as upset about having two different romances as he pretends to be."

Arwen had noticed this, too, but now was not the time to discuss this problem.

"That is not what I meant. Clearly, these people need training. If they are from a book that was made into films, then we are certainly qualified to help them bring that into balance. Do you not remember, Eowyn, how it was when the 'movie' about us first came out?"

"I do. We had relatively peaceful lives until then."

"Indeed. It took so long for us to be able to maintain a proper balance with everything. We can help them with that."

"But how much help would they be to us with the quest, Arwen? They are children, after all."

"Somehow, I feel that they are more than mere children. Have you looked into their eyes? There is wisdom there. Particularly with Edmund and Caspian. I feel they will be a great help to us."

"Very well," Eowyn finally agreed.

The two of them started back towards the group. The five newcomers waited anxiously. Aslan had told them that, should Arwen refuse their help, they would have no choice but to return to Narnia.

"You are most welcome to join our quest," Arwen said. Caspian and the four Pevensies smiled warmly.

"Thank you, Queen Arwen," Peter said.

"My friends call me Arwen. I do not believe in titles any more than you do."

Peter grinned at this, making him look a little more boyish.

"Very well, Arwen."

The group sat a while longer, discussing the different reasons they had been brought to Middle Earth and, in general, just getting to know each other a little better. Glorfindel had gone to see to it that more rooms were prepared for the newest members of the Fanfiction Fellowship, as they now called themselves. He had not been gone long, however, when he returned to the room, clearly on a mission.

"Lady Arwen, Elrohir is awake."

Arwen practically vaulted herself out of the chair she was sitting in and headed for the door. But Glorfindel held out a hand to stop her.

"That is not all. Elladan and Erestor are having to restrain him."

"Restrain him? Whatever for?" Arwen's eyes widened at this bit of news.

"He is trying to kill Haldir!"

"What?! That is ridiculous. Why would he kill Haldir?" A sudden thought occurred to her. "Oh, no. Please tell me Haldir is not singing again."

"No, Arwen. It has nothing to do with that. Elrohir is insisting that Haldir……well…….. Perhaps I could tell you on the way to Elrohir's room?"

Arwen nodded and the two Elves left. Eowyn looked around at the other members of the fellowship, all of whom seemed equally puzzled by Glorfindel's behavior.

"Does this Haldir enjoy singing?" Caspian finally asked. Eowyn took a deep breath before she launched into the dangers of songfics.

* * *

"He shall pay for defiling her!"

"Elrohir, stop it! Haldir has not 'defiled' anyone! What has gotten into you?"

Arwen's words did nothing to comfort her brother. He struggled against Erestor and Elladan even more. Sighing, she turned back to Glorfindel.

"I do not understand this, Glorfindel. If Elrohir is so angry about this, why is Elladan not the same way? Usually, if someone writes a story about one of them, it always includes the other as well."

"It is clearly a matter of favoritism, Arwen. Apparently, there is an author out there who likes Elrohir, but has no use for his twin," Glorfindel's explanation actually made sense. There was one person in the room, however, who didn't appreciate the implications.

"Now just what is that supposed to mean?!" yelled Elladan, still trying to bring his twin under control. Arwen sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Elladan, Glorfindel is not trying to insult you. He is merely trying to come up with an explanation."

"I will have you know I am just as good as my brother!" Elladan claimed, barely managing to avoid a flailing fist that would've made painful contact with his side. "After all, we are twins."

"Yes, Elladan, we know," Arwen's tone was more than a little patronizing. "Can we discuss this later, though? I am trying to solve a problem."

Elladan grumbled a little, but not even Arwen could make out what he was saying. She did hear Erestor try to comfort him, though.

"At least your hair is a reasonable color."

Deciding that she would not be able to think with all the noise that surrounded her, Arwen left the room, Glorfindel close on her heels. Out in the hallway, they found a decidedly shaken Haldir.

"Does he still want to kill me?"

"I am afraid so. Haldir, what did you do?"

"I do not know, Arwen!" Haldir exclaimed, clearly confused as to why his life was suddenly in danger. "One minute I was sitting next to Elrohir's bed, talking to him, and the next he jumped up and tried to choke me. I am just glad Elladan was in there as well. For someone who is in a supposedly weakened state, he certainly is strong."

Arwen's forehead creased in concentration.

"Tell me exactly what he said, Haldir. Word for word."

"He said I would pay for my crime. That he would make sure I never touched her again."

"Who?" Arwen pressed her friend. "Who did he say you touched?"

"Lady Galadriel," whispered Haldir, looking as ashamed as an Elf could look. Arwen's eyes were like saucers.

"My grandmother?! Haldir!"

The Marchwarden actually took a step back.

"I swear on my life, Arwen, that I never touched Lady Galadriel. I do not know what could have put such an idea in his head."

"Another out-of-character pairing," Arwen muttered. "I grow weary of these. Very weary. I must say, however, that I have never heard of this particular pairing."

"I have experienced them before, Arwen," Haldir confessed. "They are almost as disturbing as the slash."

"I can see that," Arwen replied. "Well, there does not seem to be anything we can do with him for now. We must post guards by his room, though. Haldir, you will take a room on the other side of the building. It will be smaller than the one you are in now, I am afraid."

"As long as it will keep me from being strangled in my sleep, I do not mind."

"Very well. Glorfindel, will you help Haldir take his things to his new room?"

"Of course, Arwen," Glorfindel nodded. "Come, Haldir. You will be safe where you are going."

The two Elves left and Arwen, sighing loudly, leaned against the wall and slowly slid down to the floor.

"We must do something soon," she said to no one in particular. "We must do something before our world spins out of control."

* * *

A/N: Okay? Bad? Let me know, please. Just don't flame me. My clothes are flammable, you know. Constructive criticism is alright, though. That I can take.

Disclaimer 2: I do not own Prince Caspian or the four Pevensies. Nor do I own Aslan (He's not a tame lion, you know.). They are the product of the imagination of the incredibly gifted C.S. Lewis, whose 'Chronicles of Narnia' were my introduction into the world of fantasy. Long live Narnia!

**A/N 2009: **For those of you who don't know, this chapter was posted before the film 'The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe' had even been released. Yes, that long ago. I had been following the progression of the movie on NarniaWeb, so I knew who was playing the children and used their physical descriptions in this chapter. Originally, the group from Narnia was there to just basically learn/observe so they could have a better handle on things when things flared up in their fandom. Obviously, that wouldn't work this time around. So this became the chapter that (so far) has required the most editing and re-writing.

And I'll just go on record as saying that I did not like what they did with the film 'Prince Caspian' or the character Prince Caspian. I have nothing against Ben Barnes, however. In fact, I'm planning to see 'Easy Virtue' as soon as possible. And so now you know. :-)


	14. 2 Good 2B 4gotten

**Chapter 14: 2 Good 2B 4gotten**

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or the various movies/books I stole them from

Disclaimer: Once again, I do not own any of these characters. They are the products of takes deep breath: J.R.R. Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, New Line Cinema, Stephen Sommers, Universal Studios, Walt Disney Pictures, and Gore Verbinski. And Celia Bey belongs to LadyDeb1970. Thanks again for letting me borrow her, Deb! _waves to LadyDeb1970_

SHOUT-OUTS…..FROM THE PAST!!!!:

Fool of a Rohirrim: An anti-fanfic bubble? Interesting concept. _makes note of 'Fool of a Rohirrim's' newly coined word_ Congratulations! You have just given birth to a new fanfic phrase. Now, how to work it in to my story. With your permission, of course. So you liked Rosie's twitch at the mention of slash? I gave her my characteristic. That's what I do when someone mentions slash.

LadyDeb1970: Yes, Haldir/Galadriel stories are quite disturbing. Still, nothing tops the Boromir/Faramir pairing on the 'yuck' scale that I have invented. They rate a solid 15 (ten being the highest you can go). If you watch the dvd of PoTC and listen to it with the selected commentary by Kiera Knightley and Jack Davenport, I think that's when you hear her talk about it. That commentary doesn't go through the whole movie. It's just selected scenes that the two of them talk about. And Evy running into Arwen was something I thought you would enjoy. Ah, accident prone librarians/mischief-makers. That's part of what I like about her character, though.

* * *

"What is it, Elladan?"

Arwen did not appreciate being woken up in the early hours of the morning after the day she had yesterday. It had been nearly midnight before she finally got to sleep and now Elladan had interrupted a very pleasant dream involving Aragorn and a late night swim.

"I am sorry, sister, but Elrohir is asking for you," her brother didn't sound truly sorry at all, but Arwen didn't press the matter.

"How is he?" she inquired, sitting up. Elladan smirked.

"As normal as Elrohir can be. He is not threatening Haldir's life, nor is he ill. I suppose he wants to apologize for being such a bother these past few days."

"Nonsense," said Arwen as she threw on a robe. "Elrohir is no bother. It is not as if he can really help himself."

She and Elladan made their way to Elrohir's room. They found him there with Erestor, who was still mourning the color of his hair.

"Purple! Of all the colors for it to be, why did it have to be purple? Hobbits," Erestor finished with disgust. Arwen took pity on her friend's predicament and sent him back to his own quarters so no one would have the chance to see his hair. It was beginning to fade, but the color was worse now than it was before, landing in that area between purple and dark pink.

"Elrohir, why did you send for me?" Arwen asked, truly worried about her brother.

"I just wanted to see you. I wanted to make sure that I had not harmed anybody," Elrohir's eyes were full of concern...and guilt.

Arwen smiled slightly at her brother as she sat down gingerly on the edge of the bed.

"No, you have not harmed anyone. Not for lack of trying, though," she couldn't resist adding.

Elrohir winced as he recalled his attempt to strangle Haldir.

"Do you suppose he will forgive me, Arwen?"

"Of course he will," a new voice chimed in. "After all, you forgave him for singing incessantly."

They all looked towards the door where Haldir stood. He smiled at Elrohir, but his eyes were still a little wary.

"Thank you, Haldir," Elrohir smiled back at his long-time friend. "I am sorry if I hurt you."

"And I am sorry that you had to listen to my singing for so long," Haldir replied, sounding truly repentant. "You know, I am not positive as to which story was worse. The one where I was in love with Lady Galadriel or the one that had me singing for two days non- stop."

"The singing," replied all three children of Elrond, in perfect unison no less. Haldir looked rather hurt.

"I did not realize my voice was that bad," he muttered. Arwen merely smiled and shook her head at him.

"You have a wonderful voice, Haldir. Two days of non-stop singing, however, tend to overshadow the quality of one's voice."

Haldir nodded in agreement and then moved aside as Glorfindel strode into the room.

"Good morning, Glorfindel," Elrohir greeted him.

"What's up, 'Ro?" replied the Lord of Gondolin. He stopped dead in his tracks.

"What did I just say?" he asked.

"I believe you asked, 'What's up?'," Arwen replied, frowning.

"A strange question, indeed," Elrohir put in.

"Very," agreed Elladan. "So many things could be 'up' at any given moment. The sky, for instance, is always up. Birds, clouds, rain."

"No, no, brother," Elrohir broke in. "Rain would be 'down' because it falls 'down'."

"Oh," Elladan mulled this over for a moment. "Oh, yes, of course."

"Why would I ask such a question, Arwen?" Glorfindel turned to his friend, clearly perplexed.

"I do not know, Glorfindel. Did you rest well last night?" Arwen inquired, trying to come up with some reasonable explanation.

"Yes."

Arwen pondered this for a moment, somewhat puzzled over the phrasing, but she finally shook her head and gave Glorfindel a reassuring smile.

"I am sure it was just a strange occurrence. Probably brought on by all the stress you have been under."

"Of course. Oh, by the way, a message arrived for you today from Aragorn," Glorfindel pulled a parchment from a compartment in his tunic and handed it to Arwen.

Her face lit up until she saw the writing on the outside of the parchment.

"Oh, no, Glorfindel," she started to hand the message back. "The messenger must have misinformed you. This is not Aragorn's writing."

"But that is Aragorn's seal," Elladan said, peeking over his sister's shoulder. Arwen could not argue with this. She broke the seal and began to read.

_Dearest Arwen, _

_Hey babe! How r u doing? I am fine. Just thought I'd drop u a line. I miss ur kisses and ur hugs. Wish I cud b there with u now. How r 'Dan and 'Ro? Faramir says he misses Eowyn 2, but he doesn't miss her as much as I miss u. B careful while u r gon. When u come back, we r gonna have a gr8 time 2gether. I love u 4ever. _

_Luv, Aragorn' _

Arwen was speechless by the time she had finished reading. Indeed, she was so shocked that she froze completely and Elladan, deciding that this was, indeed, the opportune moment, snatched the parchment from her hands and read it for himself. He immediately began howling and handed it to Elrohir. His twin saw nothing funny about the situation.

"When did Estel start writing letters like these? Ada would not be pleased," Elrohir stated confidently.

"Do not be ridiculous, Elrohir. Estel has never written like that before," Arwen snapped back, feeling the need to defend her husband.

"It is a strange language," Glorfindel noted as he skimmed over the note. "I have never seen anything like this before."

"IM language. That is what Lord Celeborn called it," said Haldir, peeking at the note over Glorfindel's shoulder. Arwen's eyes brightened at that.

"Of course. Obviously, someone has written a story in this language and it has affected Aragorn."

"Is it permanent?" questioned Elrohir, clearly concerned for his foster brother.

"I doubt it. How long can a story be that is written in something like that?" replied Arwen, gesturing towards the note with more than a little disgust. The others seemed to agree that it seemed impossible for someone to keep something like that up for too long.

"Arwen? Arwen, where are you?"

The voice was coming from down the hall and Arwen recognized it as Eowyn immediately.

"In here, Eowyn!"

Within moments, Eowyn entered the room. The look on her face and the parchment in her hand told Arwen all she needed to know.

"Did Faramir send you a letter as well?" she inquired. Eowyn merely nodded, still too stunned to say much of anything. Arwen took the parchment from her friend and skimmed over it, growing rather pale at some parts. As she neared the end, her face was a mask of confusion.

"What does this mean?" she said.

"What?" Eowyn asked.

"MFEO."

Eowyn turned about five different shades of red and Arwen wondered if it was a private matter. She didn't have to wonder long.

"Made For Each Other," Eowyn muttered. Even Elrohir began to laugh at that and Arwen shot both her brothers an icy glare. It did no good, though.

"That is ...very sweet," she said hesitatingly. Eowyn shook her head.

"No, it is not. It is insane and it is embarrassing."

Arwen smiled sympathetically and patted Eowyn on the shoulder. Faramir's skills as a letter writer were famous. He was, after all, a scholar. A man who loved books and knowledge as much as some men loved hunting and swordplay. Add to that his passionate love for Eowyn and Arwen could see that this letter was not the type of letter Eowyn was used to getting at all. Clearly, the poor woman was in shock. Arwen attempted to cheer her up.

"Elrohir is feeling much better, Eowyn," she informed the Shieldmaiden.

"Cool," was the reply.

The others in the room exchanged confused glances. Glorfindel, who had been outside earlier, began to remove his cloak.

"Are you cold, my lady?" he asked, making his way towards Eowyn. He clearly intended to put his cloak around her shoulders. Eowyn looked at him as if he had just gone mad.

"No, not at all. Why would you think such a thing?"

This only puzzled everyone further. Arwen decided to let it slide, though.

"Well, Eowyn, why don't we see if breakfast has been prepared for all our guests? Elladan, will you help Elrohir get ready for breakfast?"

"I can dress myself, thank you," Elrohir snapped. But he knew there was no sense in arguing with his sister. Arwen and Eowyn left, followed closely by Glorfindel and Haldir. Elladan remained in the room, but he sat in a nearby chair and began whistling a merry little tune.

"What are you doing?" asked Elrohir suspiciously.

"She is not in here now, is she?" Elladan waved his hand around, indicating the empty room. "Go on, brother. Go on and get ready for breakfast. I shall remain, but I will not help unless specifically asked."

Elrohir grinned.

"Thank you, 'Dan."

"Do not mention it, 'Ro."

* * *

Breakfast had indeed been prepared for everyone and the meal was a jolly one. Everyone was in high spirits. Even Eowyn seemed to come out of her mood and join in the friendly banter. Afterwards, they all went to the gardens to discuss what was to come next.

"How do we fight the Sues?" asked Peter. This was of particular interest to him, since he had dealt with so many of the aforementioned minions of darkness.

"More importantly, how do we fight the slash?" Edmund inquired, edging away from Caspian yet again. Rosie twitched and Diamond squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"That, Edmund, is something we have not had the chance to fight since our fellowship was officially formed," Arwen replied. "But do not worry. We will be able to defeat it. I am certain. We just have to come up with the right strategy."

"Yeah," Eowyn broke in. "Like kicking all their butts."

Arwen cast a worried glance at Eowyn before continuing. The Lady of Ithilien was acting rather strange. Unable to find anything suspicious, she continued speaking.

"I brought the book that my grandmother left behind to Rivendell. My plan is to call a meeting. A council of sorts to see if anyone from these other worlds has ideas on fighting this great and terrible evil."

"I just told you, Arwen. All we gotta do is kick their butts," Eowyn broke in yet again, her tone becoming slightly more urgent.

Arwen frowned.

"Eowyn? Is something wrong?" she asked, placing a hand on her friend's shoulder. Eowyn tossed her head in amusement.

"Wrong? Course there's nothing wrong? Why do you guys keep asking me that? I am good to go," she proclaimed loudly, prompting more than a few worried glances to go around the circle.

"'Good to go?'" Arwen repeated. "Eowyn, are you sure you are okay?"

"Totally sure. I am totally ready for anything you need me to do."

Glorfindel blinked and edged away slightly from the group.

"Totally? Eowyn, I think you should lie down for a moment," Arwen said in her best soothing tone.

"Whatever," Eowyn replied, rolling her eyes. Arwen glanced around the group and saw they were wearing the same confused looks on their faces.

"Look, can we just get this thing started? I got things to do."

"Eowyn, I really think you should go rest," Arwen persisted. Eowyn whirled around and stepped right up close to Arwen, nearly pushing the Queen of Gondor down.

"Oh, for crying out loud! This is messed up! I don't have to do what you tell me, alright? You ain't my boss!"

"Ain't?" echoed Elladan. He rolled the word around on his tongue for a moment before deciding he didn't like the sound of it.

"For the love of the Valar," Arwen whispered, closing her eyes. "Someone is writing a story with Eowyn and using slang."

"What is slang?" asked Caspian. Lucy hurried to explain.

"It is language that usually only younger people use. In our time and our world, slang defined phrases like 'the cats pajamas' or 'the bees knees'."

"Actually, I think that's from a little further back in time, Lucy," Peter corrected.

"Whatever," Lucy replied. She was instantly horrified.

"It's contagious!" she cried. Peter put an arm around her and drew her close to him. Arwen couldn't help but notice that his other hand was reaching for his sword hilt, as if he could physically fight the slang in a battle. The others in the group looked exceedingly worried. Except for Eowyn.

"Boy, y'all are trippin'. Totally flippin' out."

The gardens were soon in chaos. Cries of 'as if!' and 'get lost!' and 'freaky!' echoed throughout Rivendell. In the middle of it all stood Arwen, desperately trying to hold it all together. When she saw Erestor emerge and heard Eowyn refer to his hair as 'the bomb', she decided to give up. Turning, she went back inside and to her room to do the one thing she'd wanted to do since she had been awakened that morning. She went back to sleep. After all, even though it was just a dream, a late night swim and rendezvous with Estel was better than listening to her friends murder proper language.

* * *

A/N: So, what do you think? Silly? Stupid? Let me know, just be kind about it. No reason to go hateful on me.


	15. Even More Members

**Chapter 15: Even More Members**

Disclaimer: I own NONE of these people! Woe is me!

SHOUT-OUTS…..FROM THE PAST!!!!!:

Fool of a Rohirrim: Thank you for your permission to use the anti-fanfic bubble. I'll see what I can do with it. Slang is rather disturbing, isn't it? I saw a fic a few months ago where Arwen said 'Cool'. And it wasn't even a humor fic! It was a romance! Ack! People on Middle Earth did not use the word 'cool' unless they were describing the weather. And Elves definitely talked without using slang.

LadyDeb: Is it okay if I drop the 1970? I kind of like calling you Lady Deb. Anyway, I know just what you mean about using 'defiantly' for 'definitely'. I am a stickler for spelling and misspelled words get on my nerves. Especially when they pop up in my fics. And they do. I think it's a curse or something. And, if I were Arwen (which I obviously am not), I probably would have gone back to bed right after checking on Elrohir. I mean, come on! This is Aragorn we're talking about here!

Julia: F/B stories? _shudders_ Aragorn talking like a pimp daddy and Legolas sounding like a surfer dude? Oh, the humanity. It should be outlawed. Truly.

Star-Stallion: No, I don't think IM language suits Aragorn at all. No, not at all. In fact, it's rather scary. Hey, wait a minute. Perhaps IM language is the evil power behind the One Ring. Maybe the language of Mordor is actually an IM version of Elvish! _shivers at the implications of this thought _

Naoko: Are we hyper today? Muffin, huh? I wasn't aware that was the awesomest word in the world, but I will trust you on that one. No, don't burn the flamethrower! Just hide it. We may need it later. _wink-wink, nudge-nudge _

Mercury Gray: No need to apologize about not leaving reviews. As long as you show up every couple of chapters, just to let me know you're still there. I love getting your reviews! I'm sorry the librarians hate you. Mean old librarians. _Borrows flamethrower from Naoko and points it at librarians_ You let Mercury read the stories she wants to! Do you understand?! _Hands flamethrower back to Naoko and smiles sweetly_ There. I'm so glad we got that little misunderstanding cleared up.

* * *

"Arwen? Arwen?"

Arwen was dreaming. She knew it was a dream. But she also knew that wasn't her husband's voice she was hearing. More than a little disappointed, she forced herself to look at the owner of the voice. Her disappointment vanished.

"Atara!"

Arwen flung herself into the arms of the golden-haired Elf. It had been so long since she had dreamed of her mother. Celebrian clung tightly to her only daughter, stroking her dark hair almost reverently.

"My darling Undomiel," she whispered. After only a few seconds, though, she reluctantly pulled away and held Arwen at arm's length.

"I cannot remain here long," Celebrian informed her daughter, the soft tone of her voice slightly lessening the sting of her words. "There is a purpose for this visit of mine, but the Valar do not look kindly upon things like this. Your grandmother has sent me to give you a message."

"A message?" Arwen inquired, surprised by the mention of her grandmother.

"Yes. Your fellowship is now complete. For the most part. Four more will be arriving soon. They will be the last. I have come to tell you about these four. They are from the distant, distant future. All of them carry weapons of great power and will not be too terribly surprised to find themselves in another world. In truth, visiting other worlds is a regular occurrence for them. Come."

Arwen allowed herself to be led to a glade suspiciously like the one in Lothlorien. She was not surprised to see something like her own grandmother's mirror standing in the center.

"This mirror will allow you to see these four people. I tell you all this because I do not wish you to be frightened of them. They are quite different from others in your fellowship and their weapons are extremely powerful."

Her mother's last statement caused Arwen concern. Why all of a sudden were they talking about weapons?

"They would not harm us, would they?"

Celebrian smiled and shook her head.

"No. But this will help you understand them better."

Arwen looked into the mirror and was soon greeted with the image of a man, not old but not young. His hair was cropped short and was beginning to show traces of silver. He had the eyes of a warrior. Next to him stood another man. He was younger, with longer, brown hair. His eyes were covered by something that appeared to be two round windows resting on his nose and looped around his ears. A woman was there also, with very short, blonde hair and laughing blue eyes. The one that surprised Arwen most of all, however, was a very tall, powerfully built, dark skinned man. On his forehead was a strange, golden symbol. Arwen raised questioning eyes to her mother.

"Jack O'Neill, Daniel Jackson, Samantha Carter, and Teal'c," Celebrian explained. "Teal'c is the man with the symbol you find so strange, my daughter. He is from a race known as the Jaffa. Where the other three come from, that is not necessarily considered a good thing, but Teal'c is fiercely loyal to his friends. All four share an unbreakable bond. But that bond has been tested time and again because of this fanfiction."

Arwen studied the image of the four as she spoke.

"They endure the same things we do?"

"Oh, yes," her mother nodded emphatically. "Daniel, in particular, is growing somewhat weary of being killed off. They have had to battle slash, of course, but when it comes to romance, most of these writers pair Jack and Samantha."

"Well, at least we won't have another member of the fellowship who has such difficulty with slash," Arwen observed, recalling Rosie's twitches. Celebrian smiled.

"Yes, that is true. You will likely find Daniel to be the one who is most affected by the fanfiction."

"Most of the stories are about him?" inquired Arwen.

"No….not exactly," Celebrian considered how best to explain the situation. "More often than not, they include all four of them. Stories known as 'team fics'. Jack and Samantha have the most as far as individual stories go, but Daniel is third on that list. His problem lies in the content of the stories."

Arwen gave her mother a curious look.

"Daniel's wife, Sha're, is dead. He loved her deeply, but she was taken by an evil force and, although he hoped to save her, in the end all his efforts proved useless," Celebrian paused here, and her eyes took on a faraway look as she pondered some similarities to her own life in this man's story. "He thought he would never love again. But he was wrong. Another woman, a friend of his, slowly worked her way into his heart. It was not her intention, but it happened. She was killed recently, tending to one of their fallen comrades. Daniel blamed himself."

"These stories have brought Sha're back to Daniel a number of times, but he soon returns to the real world only to find that she is still gone. His love for the other woman, Janet Frasier, was never acted upon. But some of the stories have them together, even married. Returning to reality to find that she is gone as well just makes things harder for him."

Arwen pressed her lips together as she looked at Daniel's face once more. He seemed so young, so innocent to have gone through such horrible things in real life.

"These people are all warriors, Arwen. They are at war with a race known as the Goa'uld. A horrible, horrible race. They are not going to be exactly like the other members of your fellowship. It is most likely that you will have a more difficult time convincing them to join. They are suspicious of what they don't know, and for good reason. All of them have endured terrible hardships. Jack, in particular, is known to be quite cynical. But there's another long, sad story behind that and we haven't the time right now. You'll find Daniel to be the most accepting of Middle Earth. Samantha won't be far behind him. Jack will be the hardest person to convince, I believe."

"What about Teal'c?" Arwen asked, casting a glance at the Jaffa. Celebrian bit back a smile.

"Teal'c is not someone you need to worry about. He will do what he deems best for his friends, even if it means going against the orders of Jack O'Neill."

"When will they come, Atara?"

"Soon. Very soon," Celebrian's voice trailed off and she looked at her daughter sorrowfully. "I must leave, Arwen. I have remained too long as it is."

Arwen momentarily forgot about the mission at hand, wanting only to stay in the presence of her mother.

"I wish you did not have to go," she sighed. Tears filled her eyes as she drank in the sight of the face she had long ago resigned herself to never seeing again. Her voice trembled when she spoke again. "I am sorry if my decision to remain in Middle Earth caused you pain."

Celebrian reached out and brushed a hair away from Arwen's face, caressing her daughter's cheek as she did so. Arwen leaned into the touch, desperate to make sure she remembered every tiny detail of the moment.

"Undomiel. I will miss you. But your destiny lies here, with the man you love. I think I have always known that you might share the fate of Luthien. Your happiness takes my pain away."

"I love you, Atara," whispered Arwen. Her mother smiled in response as she began to fade away.

"And I love you, Arwen."

Arwen awoke, unable to keep the tears back. But her mother's presence seemed to linger with her and she did not cry for long. After all, she was the leader of a fellowship. And that fellowship would be gaining four new members soon. Forcing herself to leave the comfort of her bed, she began to make preparations for their arrival.

* * *

"Great. More trees."

"Sir, no offense intended, but why do you dislike trees so much?"

Jack O'Neill ignored Samantha Carter's question and turned instead to Daniel Jackson, who was looking around with more than a little confusion.

"What is it, Daniel?"

"Well, Jack, I don't think the Stargate took us where it was supposed to," Daniel replied, studying their surroundings intently.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I think DanielJackson means that we are not on the right planet, O'Neill."

"Thanks for the info, Teal'c," was Jack's dry response. "Daniel? Got an explanation for this one?"

"The planet we were supposed to be sent to was desert. Nothing but desert. As you can see," Daniel waved his hand around, indicating the lush grass, wildflowers, and numerous trees, "this planet is not a desert."

"Yeah. Caught that."

"Sir? Do you remember going through the Stargate?"

Jack turned to Samantha Carter, clearly confused by her question.

"What kind of question is that, Carter? Of course we went through the Stargate. How else would we get here?"

Daniel spoke up again, a frown appearing on his face as he thought about Major Carter's question.

"Actually, I don't remember going through the Stargate, Jack. I remember standing in the embarkation room. I remember General Hammond running through our mission one last time. I remember the wormhole. But I don't remember actually walking up the ramp and through the event horizon."

"Can we have a conversation without techno-babble?" Jack asked, clearly irritated by the use of the term 'event horizon'. "Do me a favor. Just call it the liquid thing, alright? Teal'c. Do you remember going through the Stargate?"

"No, I do not."'

Jack shook his head, unwilling to admit that even he didn't remember going through the 'Gate.

"Oh, for cryin' out loud. Well, what do we do now?"

"Well, we certainly have one big problem, sir," Carter replied. "There's no way for us to get home. Take a look behind you. All around you, in fact."

Jack did what Sam said. Trees, trees everywhere. But not a Stargate in sight. He sighed heavily.

"Great. Just peachy."

"I think we should explore," Daniel said. He had gotten over his initial shock and his curious nature was taking over. Sam silently agreed with him, but knew better than to say anything out loud. Teal'c remained expressionless, as always.

"So Danny Boy wants to explore, huh?" Jack asked, looking at Daniel critically. "Well, I guess that's our best bet in getting home. Maybe if we explore, we can find someone who can get us out of this mess."

The other three members of SG-1 stood motionless for a minute, watching their CO trudge down the path. They were very surprised that he had agreed without arguing just a little. Jack hated exploring. Sensing that they weren't behind him, Jack turned and gave them an irritated look.

"Are you coming or not?" he called. Teal'c was the first to start walking, followed closely by Sam, and finally a rather dazed looking Daniel.

"This place is beautiful," Sam observed as they walked. Jack grunted in reply, but he couldn't deny that there was something special about this world. Usually everywhere they went looked like Canada. At least it did to Jack. This place looked…different somehow. Daniel voiced his agreement with Sam's statement.

"There just seems to be something in the air, doesn't there?" he asked. "Some type of magic or enchantment."

"You been watching those Disney movies again, Daniel?" Jack inquired. Daniel glared at Jack before moving ahead of him. Jack grinned. He knew Daniel wasn't really mad at him. Sam shook her head at Jack's sarcastic reply while Teal'c merely raised an eyebrow as he watched Daniel get further ahead of the group. Soon he was out of sight.

"I am no longer able to see DanielJackson, O'Neill."

"Oh, he can't have gone too far," Jack said, his tone decidedly unworried. He sounded cavalier, but it was actually a sign of just how far Daniel had come that Jack wasn't overly concerned about him. "Probably found some sort of rock or something. Daniel! Daniel, get your butt back here!"

There was silence. Sam pressed her lips together.

"Perhaps you really hurt his feelings, sir."

Jack waved his hand dismissively.

"No. If I had, I would've known it. No, he's found some rock and he's gotten too excited over it to pay attention to anything else."

"Artifact, sir," Sam corrected her CO.

"What?"

"They're not rocks, sir. They're artifacts."

"Whatever. Daniel! Hey, Daniel!"

There were a few more moments of silence. Then...

"Guys! Guys, you gotta come see this!"

The voice was Daniel's and he was definitely excited. Jack looked at Sam pointedly.

"See? What did I tell you? He found a rock."

He set off in the direction of the archaeologist's voice, Teal'c close behind. With a roll of her eyes, Sam followed them. When they finally found Daniel, Sam saw what had caused all the excitement and she gave a little gasp of her own. Everyone was a little bit awed.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Daniel asked. Even Jack had to agree that what he was looking at was unlike anything he'd ever seen before. And he'd seen plenty.

"It's Rivendell," Sam finally breathed. Jack looked at her as if she had just sprouted a horn in her forehead.

"What the heck is a Rivendell, Carter?"

Daniel, in the meantime, had realized that Sam was right. How could he not have seen it? It WAS Rivendell. Right in front of him sat the Elven realm that he had read about so many times, seen in his DVD too many times to count. How did he miss it?

"Rivendell, sir. Home of the Elves," the team scientist attempted to explain.

"The Elves? Like the ones who make the cookies?"

Sam was torn between laughing out loud and rolling her eyes in disgust. In the end, she settled for exchanging a frustrated glance with Daniel.

"No, sir. Rivendell is the home of the Elves on Middle Earth. Well one of their homes, anyway. There's also Lothlorien."

"Don't forget Mirkwood," Daniel piped up. Sam nodded.

"And Mirkwood. Rivendell is where Lord Elrond resides."

"Lord Elrond?" Jack repeated the name.

"Yes," Sam continued patiently. "Lord Elrond and his children. Arwen, Elladan, and Elrohir." She sighed when her CO merely gave her a blank stare in response. Looking back over at Daniel, she said "You field this one."

Daniel rolled his eyes. There were times when he really hated this little game. Jack was an officer in the US Air Force. One didn't get to the rank of Colonel in the Air Force without some modicum of intelligence. Sometimes, Jack playing dumb just got on his nerves.

"Come on, Jack. Middle Earth? The One Ring? Hobbits, Elves, wizards? The fellowship? Ring a bell?"

"You are referring to the motion picture we all went to see," Teal'c said.

"Yes."

Jack sighed.

"Geez. Not that again. You two are obsessed with those movies."

"I enjoy them as well, O'Neill," said Teal'c.

"And they're not just movies, Jack," Daniel retorted, clearly frustrated by his friend's statement. "They're also books."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Three books written by whatshisname."

"Tolkien!" Daniel was clearly getting agitated. Sam intervened.

"Obviously, sir, we are in Middle Earth. How we got here, I don't know. But I'm sure someone in Rivendell could help us. Come on. Let's go down there."

She carefully began making her way down the rather steep slope. Teal'c and Daniel followed. When they looked back, Jack was still at the top, checking the ammo in his Beretta.

"Sir, the Elves are not an aggressive race. You don't have to check your weapons."

"Where I go, Carter, my Beretta goes. And it's always fully loaded," he put the Beretta back in its holster and then adjusted his cap before nodding. "Alrighty, campers. Let's roll."

With that, the team of SG-1 began to make their way to the unsuspecting residents of Rivendell.

* * *

A/N: Okay. I realize that not everyone has seen 'Stargate SG1'. But I want to reassure you that it isn't necessary in order to understand the rest of this story. The last time I had this up, there were several readers who had never seen an episode of 'Stargate SG1'. But they had no problem understanding the characters or following the story once the team of SG1 was introduced. There is one difference now, though. I know that at least the first season of 'Stargate SG1' can be watched online at Hulu dot com. So if you want to just watch a few minutes of the show to see what the characters are like, I highly recommend it. It's an excellent show. My favorite Season 1 episodes are probably 'Cold Lazarus' (which explains why Jack O'Neill is more cynical than his teammates) and 'The Broca Divide' (which introduces the character of Janet that I referenced in the conversation between Celebrian and Arwen).

The tree thing with Jack is a running joke in the SG1 fandom. He doesn't care for them and, while there's never a reason given, it's widely accepted by fans that it's because he has Black Ops (Special Unit) background in the Air Force. And he sees trees as a prime setup for an ambush.

Please review! I love reviews!


	16. Poor Daniel

**Chapter 16: Poor Daniel**

Disclaimer: I do not own _takes deep breath_ Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, the Chronicles of Narnia, The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, or Stargate: The Movie and Stargate: SG-1. Nor do I own Celia Bey, who is the fanfiction product of LadyDeb1970.

**Urgent A/N:** If you reviewed the last couple of chapters and I haven't responded, please accept my sincerest apologies. I've lost track of who I replied to and who I didn't. And I apologize for taking so long to update. It won't happen again.

**A/N – Amended 2009**: When I first posted this story, I received a couple of reviews stating that the readers didn't know who SG-1 was. I'm assuming this will also be the case now, so what I said then still stands. Rest assured that you're probably not going to have to know all about the show to understand what's going on. However, if you want to catch an episode, just to see what the characters are truly like, I have no argument. If you've only seen the movie (which inspired the tv show), I have to tell you that I am not basing my Jack O'Neill on Kurt Russell's performance. Richard Dean Anderson is much cooler. And Daniel Jackson in this story looks nothing like James Spader (though he was kinda cute in the movie). No, I must confess that I find Michael Shanks (the tv Daniel) much more attractive. And talented. And I've met him. That being said, let's get on to my favorite part of this fanfiction stuff.

**SHOUT-OUTS…..FROM THE PAST!!!!:**

Naoko: I understand your feelings toward the show. My dad got me started on it, actually. He watches it every day and I would just sit there going 'What the heck is going on here?'. So I rented the movie and the pilot episode. Now that I understand it better, I'm hooked. (Word of warning to anyone inclined to follow my example: The show started on Showtime, not Sci-Fi. So the pilot has some rather *ahem* adult scenes. Nothing sexual, exactly, but there is some nudity. And anything dealing directly with the Goa'uld is bound to be somewhat disgusting.) Glad you liked the Beretta line, though. Gibbon? Gibbon is like muffin? You know what? If we ever met, I think we'd be friends for life. You're so odd.

The Last Evenstar: I'm sorry. As I said before, though, you won't need to catch up on Stargate to understand what's going on. I'm going to try and flesh out the characters to the best of my ability. All you need to know is that the Stargate is this incredibly cool looking ring that, when activated, transports people that walk through it to another world. It's pretty neat. So you liked the part with Arwen and Celebrian? Good. I was worried about putting that in there. And I hereby declare you the first member of the 'Council of Aslan'. The Council of Aslan's mission is to ensure that no harm comes to some of the best books and characters ever written through the making of the motion picture. United We Stand! Oh, sorry. Got kinda carried away there for a while.

Mercury Gray: You haven't reviewed this story, yet. But you reviewed my little ficlet entitled 'The Murder of a Song' and I felt I should reply. Thank you for the wonderful review! I'm afraid I haven't seen the remix on the 'Jonah' dvd, but I do know the tofu song. My favorites are 'Oh, No! What We Gonna Do?' and 'The Dance of the Cucumber' _Walks off singing Bob is really angry! I hope he doesn't catch me! It's so hard to run with this sombrero on my head! _

* * *

Glorfindel woke to an unfamiliar sound. Complete silence. First he sat up in bed, concerned as to what could have happened to bring utter peace to Rivendell. Then, remembering that Arwen was in charge now, he sighed contentedly and lay back down on his pillows. A refreshing breeze blew through his open windows and Glorfindel could not help himself. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet air.

It was a colossal mistake.

Somewhere outside, there was a sound like a whip cracking. This sound was much louder, though. A woman's voice started yelling and Rivendell was soon in an uproar. Glorfindel flung back the covers on his bed and got up, irritated already. As he dressed, he muttered about the Valar's warped sense of humor and Lord Elrond enjoying this torture he was going through.

In the meantime, Colonel Jack O'Neill was getting a thorough tongue-lashing from Major Samantha Carter. Always inclined to shoot first and ask questions later, Jack had learned to control that particular inclination. For the most part. But today he was already on edge and a slight movement to his right had triggered (if you'll pardon the pun) his black ops reflexes. Quick as lightning, he had pulled the Beretta out and fired one shot into the bushes. The resulting yell of pain told Jack who his victim had been.

Daniel Jackson wasn't sure why these things were always happening to him. But, right now, he didn't particularly care. All he wanted was for his leg to quit throbbing. He had endured worse injuries than a gunshot wound to his leg, especially a deep graze like this one, but the fact that Jack had been the one to inflict said wound only put him in a worse mood. As Sam bandaged up his wound to stop the bleeding, he looked at Jack accusingly. The Colonel adopted his best innocent expression as he returned the gun to its holster. Sam never stopped berating her commanding officer as she wrapped Daniel's leg.

"Why do you always have to do things like this, Jack?" she asked, her irritation with him bringing her military formality to an all-time low. "I thought you said you were trying not to be so quick with your beloved firearms."

Jack winced a little at the tone in Sam's voice. It wasn't often she spoke to him like this. More often than not, she remembered that he outranked her and so she held her tongue. He did his best to ignore it. But he couldn't ignore the hard stare Daniel was giving him.

"Do you have something against me, Jack?" the archaeologist asked, his tone low and rather menacing. Jack, as usual, came up with a sarcastic reply.

"No. Nothing at all. You make an excellent target, Danny boy."

He didn't fail to notice that his attempt at humor did not go over well. Even Teal'c seemed rather upset. Jack became defensive.

"Look, it's probably that fanfiction crap again. You know it always makes me quick on the trigger. No military man worth his salt would fire at something he wasn't sure posed a danger. Especially when the only other people around him were his teammates!"

The rest of SG1 just stared at him. Jack threw up his hands in surrender.

"For cryin' out loud, we're in a strange world, we didn't get here through the Stargate, you people won't shut up about this Lord of the Ring crap-."

"I believe it is 'Lord of the Rings', O'Neill. Not 'Lord of the Ring'."

Jack stopped his ranting and looked at Teal'c, who reiterated his statement.

"The title is 'Lord of the Rings', not 'Lord of the Ring'."

The colonel blinked in confusion as he tried to recall the details of the movie.

"But isn't there only one ring?" he asked. "The ring they have to destroy? Why is it called the 'Lord of the Rings'?"

"Because there is more than one ring, sir," replied Carter as she put the finishing touches on Daniel's bandage. She stood up and looked at Jack. "There are twenty rings altogether."

"Twenty?" Jack was clearly a little lost, which wasn't unusual when the conversation turned to things like this.

"Yes. Twenty."

Just as Carter started to explain, Teal'c began to speak.

"'It began with the forging of the great rings. Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest, and fairest of all beings. Seven to the Dwarf lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desire power. For within these rings was bound the strength and will to govern each race. But they were all of them deceived, for another ring was made. In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret a Master Ring, to control all others. And into this Ring, he poured his cruelty, his malice, and his will to dominate all life. One Ring to rule them all.'"

Sam bit back a smile as Teal'c ended his little speech. Even Daniel, despite his pain, was having a hard time holding his grin in check. Jack just stared at the Jaffa unblinkingly before turning back to Sam.

"What?"

Sam rolled her eyes and gave Jack the Reader's Digest version of the speech as she double checked Daniel's bandage.

"There were twenty rings, sir. The Elves have three, the Dwarves have seven, and nine were given to Men. Kings. Sauron, the bad guy, made the One Ring. The evil ring."

Jack looked at Teal'c for a moment.

"Why the heck didn't you just say so, Teal'c? All that mumbo-jumbo makes my head hurt."

"Sorry, Jack," Daniel grunted as he tried to get to his feet. He waved away Sam's proffered hand and she pressed her lips together in a thin line, irritated by his stubbornness. "We'll try to remember to put Tolkien's work in the terms of 'The Simpsons' from now on, okay? Just think of Sauron as an eviler version of whoever the bad guy is in that show."

Jack started to supply Daniel with the name and throw in another sarcastic reply for good measure, but the look on his friend's face told him that now was not the ideal time for his brand of humor.

"Sorry I shot you, Daniel," he said. His tone was flippant, but the team knew the sentiment was sincere. "What were you doing way over there in the bushes anyway?"

Daniel blushed painfully and Sam gave Jack a nasty glare. The colonel quickly caught on.

"Oh. Sorry," he apologized again, although he couldn't quite hide a small smirk.

"Someone is coming, O'Neill," Teal'c spoke up suddenly. Jack's hand automatically reached for his Beretta, but Sam was quicker. She grabbed the gun from its holster and held it away from Jack. He stared at her in shock, now almost certain that fanfiction was causing this whole scenario.

"Give that back," he demanded, sounding like a petulant child. Sam shook her head and Jack's famous temper began to rise.

"That's an order, Major," he said, emphasizing the 'Major' part. Again, Sam shook her head.

"I respectfully decline, sir. You're clearly not yourself and I think one accidental gunshot wound is enough for today."

She turned away from him before he could respond and went to help Daniel up. The archaeologist, realizing his attempts to stand on his own were getting him nowhere, finally accepted the help. It didn't take long to see he wouldn't really be able to walk on his own, either. Sighing, Daniel stood between Sam and Teal'c, receiving support from both his friends. Together, the three of them started up the road, heading towards whoever it was Teal'c had sensed. Jack sighed heavily before gathering up the few items that had been left behind and following them.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''Meanwhile

"What was that?!"

Arwen and Eowyn had been on their way to get some breakfast when the unfamiliar sound had pierced the air. Immediately, three rather frightened Hobbits appeared out of thin air, running to Arwen for reassurance.

"I am not sure what it was," Arwen answered Diamond. " I have never heard a sound like that before. Eowyn?"

"It sounds rather like a whip cracking, but it was much louder than that."

The group was soon joined by Elizabeth, Anamaria, and Evelyn. None of them seemed particularly frightened, but they did look rather confused.

"Do you have guns in Middle Earth?" Evelyn inquired. Arwen and Eowyn exchanged confused glances.

"What are guns?" asked Eowyn.

"Weapons in our world," said a voice. Everyone turned to see that Anck and Celia had joined them. Celia was the one who had spoken.

"They are somewhat similar to a bow and arrow, I suppose," she continued. "But guns are made of metal and they fire small projectiles called bullets. The bullets travel much faster than arrows can. Most of the time, you can't even see the bullet because of the speed it travels at."

"Do these guns make a noise like the one we just heard?" Eowyn inquired, intrigued by the description of the weapons.

"No," Evelyn replied. "They don't make a noise _like_ the one we just heard. They make _the_ noise we just heard. That's why I asked if you had guns on Middle Earth. We couldn't remember seeing any."

"We have nothing like that in Middle Earth," Arwen said. The dream she had just woken up from came back to her in a flash and, somehow, she knew that this weapon must belong to one of the four people from her dream.

"I think I know what is going on here. Evelyn? I need you, Elizabeth, and Anck to stay here with the Hobbits and to reassure Caspian and the Pevensies that everything is alright. Eowyn, will you go get Elladan, Haldir, and Glorfindel? I would like them to come with us. Elrohir can come along as well, if he feels up to it. Meet the rest of us back here."

Eowyn was off in a flash. Elizabeth, Anck, and the Hobbits went on towards the dining hall. Evelyn headed for the rooms that were occupied by Prince Caspian and the Pevensies. Arwen, Anamaria, and Celia were left standing in the hall.

"I believe the final four members of the Fanfiction Fellowship have just arrived," Arwen said. Celia and Anamaria both gave the Queen of Gondor questioning looks.

"What makes you say that?" Celia asked.

"I just have a feeling," Arwen replied, not wanting to get into the details of her dream. "Well, I suppose there is one saving grace in all this."

"And what is that?" inquired Anamaria.

"No one seems to be affected by a 'slang' story. At least we will not sound like babbling idiots to these newcomers."

The other two nodded in agreement as Eowyn, accompanied by the four requested Elves came running towards them. Together, the eight of them set out in search of the sound.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"I'm sorry, Sam. I really need to rest," Daniel panted. Even though the bullet had only grazed his leg, the wound was rather deep and, the more he walked, the more it hurt.

"I will carry you, DanielJackson," Teal'c stated matter-of-factly. Daniel shook his head.

"No, Teal'c. I can walk. I just…I need to rest. Thank you, though."

Teal'c merely nodded in reply as he retrieved a canteen from his own pack and handed it to Daniel, who took it gratefully.

"Thank you again," he said before taking slow sips from the canteen. Jack, feeling lower than dirt by this point in time, turned away from the scene and looked around for a while. Trees. Why were they always surrounded by trees?

"Rivendell doesn't look to be too far away," Sam spoke up. "Once Daniel is rested up, we can probably make it there in five minutes or so. Maybe they'll have something a little better than what we've got for Daniel's wound."

Jack was feeling worse and worse as time went by. His mood made him even more irritable.

"How do we know they'll help him?" he snapped at Sam. None of the other members of SG-1 were surprised by his tone. They knew Jack well enough to know that, when he was upset about something, he often lashed out at his friends. And, by now, they knew to ignore it for the most part.

"They will help him, sir," Sam replied, though she wasn't entirely sure she was correct. From everything she had read in the books, Elves were willing to help others, but they were rather inclined to be suspicious of strangers. And Sam couldn't imagine that they had seen anyone stranger than the team of SG-1.

"Well, I don't like it," Jack concluded.

"It doesn't look like we have a lot of choice, though, Jack. I mean, if you were comfortable with the idea of dealing with men, we might have been able to backtrack to Bree. Possibly even press on to Rohan. But since you _shot me_, we don't really have the ability to walk that far in either direction, do we?"

Daniel's outburst surprised his friends. And it reinforced Jack's opinion that all this had come about as a result of some fanfiction story. It wasn't often that Daniel lost his temper, though the quiet young man could generally intimidate even the toughest Marine when he actually did. Jack, after being assaulted with new waves of guilt, got defensive again.

"I said I was sorry, didn't I? What do you want from me, Daniel? A formal letter of apology signed with my blood?"

"That would be a good start!" Daniel shot back, his blue eyes snapping. Jack opened his mouth to retort, but Sam jumped in, her voice carrying a tone of false cheer.

"Well, since Daniel seems to be feeling better, we'll just be on our way. Come on, Daniel."

Daniel allowed Teal'c to help him to his feet and they all set off again. They didn't get far, though, before they were stopped by four men. At least they seemed like men at first. Upon closer examination, Jack saw that the tips of their ears were pointed. Desperately, he searched his brain for the few memories he had of the movie his team had dragged him to. Did Elves have pointy ears?

"Who are you?" inquired one of the men/Elves. Jack started to respond, but Daniel beat him to it.

"Im Daniel," he began. "Haldir o Lorien, Henio aniron, boe amen i dulu lin."

Jack rolled his eyes. Trust Daniel to know the languages of Middle Earth. On the other hand, the four Elves seemed a bit less threatening now.

"Iston le?" one of them asked. Daniel shook his head.

"No, you do not. And I do not know you. But I know _of_ you."

This declaration made three of the Elves relax slightly. One, however, gazed at Daniel suspiciously.

"How do you know our tongue? And how do you know of Haldir?"

"Elladan! Sedho! Daro i!"

The voice was decidedly feminine and the three male members of SG-1, even Teal'c, drew in surprised breaths when the owner of the voice came into view. Sam, Teal'c, and Daniel all knew who she was, but Jack didn't. All he knew was that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Well….almost.

"Can you not see that he is injured, Elladan? We should get him into a bed and tend to his wound."

She turned to the team and smiled.

"Forgive my brother's behavior, please. Things have not been going too well for us recently and we were worried you might pose a threat. Come with us, please. We will see what we can do for your injury."

"Hannon le, Arwen," Daniel said. Arwen looked taken aback for a moment, but she recovered quickly. As she led the group to Rivendell, the team of SG-1 noticed others joining them. And even Jack recognized one of them.

"Isn't that Anamaria?" he asked Sam, pointing rather rudely to the female pirate beside Arwen. Sam looked and then nodded in confirmation.

"Yes, it is. This is….really weird," Sam just couldn't find another way to describe it.

Jack snorted.

"You mean it wasn't weird before?"

"I wonder what's going on here," muttered Daniel, who was trying to let Teal'c support him without it actually _looking _like Teal'c was supporting him. Sam looked at him questioningly. "I mean, here we are in Middle Earth. There's Arwen. There's Eowyn and Haldir. It seems logical that, since Arwen referred to one of the dark-haired elves as Elladan, then the other must be Elrohir, his twin. The other Elf, and I'm just guessing here, might be Glorfindel."

Sam nodded.

"That seems like a reasonable conclusion," she agreed.

"But why is Anamaria here?" Daniel continued. "I know Peter Jackson didn't adapt the books word for word. I know he even cut some of the characters out. But why would a female pirate from the eighteenth century, not to mention the fact that she's from a completely different movie, be here in Middle Earth?"

"Your questions will be answered soon enough, Daniel Jackson."

Arwen's voice drifted back to the team and Daniel kicked himself for not remembering the excellent hearing abilities of the Elves.

"You have been brought here for a purpose, as Anamaria has. There are others awaiting us in Rivendell, as well. I hope we can convince you to join our quest."

By now, Arwen had slowed her pace and was walking beside the team. Jack eyed her suspiciously.

"What quest?" he asked.

Arwen's eyes blazed as she answered his question.

"The quest to rid the world of fanfiction."

"I'm all for that," Daniel immediately responded. Arwen smiled. But Jack and Sam seemed less sure of the idea. She looked over at Teal'c, but the Jaffa remained expressionless. Sighing, she returned to the front of the group.

"I hope they decide to join us," she whispered to Eowyn, who merely nodded in reply.

* * *

A/N: Okay, I know. Not a lot happening in this chapter, but I wanted to flesh out the characteristics of the SG-1 team a little more for those of you who don't know them. Next chapter will have more action. I promise.

Translations:

'Haldir o Lorien. Henio aniron, boe ammen i dulu lin : Haldir of Lorien. We come here for help.

'Iston le?' : Do I know you?

'Sedho!' : Quiet!

'Daro i!' : Stop that!

'Hannon le' : Thank you


	17. Introductions Gone Awry

**Chapter 17: Introductions Gone Awry and the Ultimate Evil**

**GIBBON!! GIBBON!! GIBBON!! GIBBON!! GIBBON!! GIBBON!! GIBBON!! GIBBON!! **

A/N: Well, that was fun. Next time, I'll try repeating 'MUFFIN!!' across the top of the page. Just in case you couldn't tell, this means I am in a particularly odd mood today. *laughs maniacally*

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

SHOUT-OUTS…FROM THE PAST!!!!:

Mercury Gray: It helped! Really? _Turns and smiles at Naoko_ To Naoko: See? I told you that flame thrower would come in handy. _Turns back to Mercury Gray_ And you are correct, mellon nin. Richard Dean Anderson is a much better Jack O'Neill than Kurt Russell is. Actually, Richard Dean Anderson is a much better 'anything' than Kurt Russell is. My apologies to any Kurt Russell devotees.

A.E. Hall: Don't feel bad about the Stargate thing. I watch it quite often and I still find myself getting confused at times. Of course, that could be because I've missed the first six seasons. Yes, I did find that Puddleglum fic VERY disturbing. Ew. Speaking Elvish in reviews is never cheesy. I love it when reviewers speak Elvish. Or I guess it would be 'type' Elvish. Hey, did you know that my spell-check wants to change the word 'elvish' to 'elvis'? Now there's a mental picture. *Legolas swings his hips to 'Jailhouse Rock', his blonde hair in a pompadour, while Haldir, Elladan, and Elrohir dance on a jail set in the background*

Julia: Yes! Someone got a kick out of Daniel comparing Sauron to Mr. Burns. Glad you liked that. And Smithers would definitely be the Mouth of Sauron. I don't think you have to worry about Jack's Beretta. Sam has it safely tucked away.

Naoko: Did you like the way I opened this chapter? Hee-hee. Thank you for the insight into your mind. I'm glad that you understand the characters a little more now. By the way, the website posted both of your reviews, so you are safe and sound.

Athena Diagon Cat: Teal'c is extremely cool. And Daniel and Jack are extremely hot.

* * *

For the first time in a long time, Jack O'Neill was speechless. He vaguely remembered what this Rivendell place had looked like in the movie, but he was sure it wasn't nearly as beautiful as the real Rivendell. Even the building Arwen had taken them to seemed, like Daniel had said earlier, to be full of enchantment.

She escorted SG-1 to a large room and indicated the bed for Daniel to lie on. He did so gratefully. Elladan and Elrohir also joined them, partly to help their sister and partly to keep an eye on these newcomers. Jack, never one to stand on formalities, sat down in a chair in one corner of the room. This was partially because he wanted to rest and partially because he wanted to be out of the way.

Teal'c stood next to Jack's chair, but Sam watched with avid and curious eyes as Arwen began to work on the wound. She whispered a few words to Elladan, who left quickly. Sam became concerned.

"Is there something wrong?" she asked. Arwen looked up and shook her head reassuringly.

"No. I am just not familiar with a wound like this. I need someone who knows more about these guns."

Arwen had already heard the story of how Daniel came by his injury. 'Of course,' thought Jack 'Daniel just happened to forget to mention that I didn't know it was him.' Surprisingly, though, it seemed that this Arwen person did not judge Jack for his actions. The fact that she had not questioned him about it left Jack rather stumped.

If he thought Anamaria was a strange person to find in Middle Earth, his jaw nearly hit the floor when Elladan returned with a dark-haired young woman. Daniel's face went completely red when he saw her.

"You're Evelyn O'Connell!" exclaimed Sam, whose passion for the Mummy movies was legendary. Jack noticed the color of Daniel's face and grinned. Even though he had gone on and on about how the Egyptian dialect was spoken all wrong and how the archeology was completely incorrect, Daniel hadn't been able to hide the fact that he found the heroine of the movie very attractive.

If Evelyn was disconcerted by the fact that these strange people seemed to know her name, she didn't mention it. Instead, she went right up to the bed and took a look at the ever-reddening Daniel's leg.

"It's not as bad as it could be," she said in her melodic British accent. At the same time, she cast a meaningful glance towards Jack. He found that the condemning gaze of her chocolate eyes made him feel even worse and he slumped into the chair. Satisfied, Evelyn concentrated fully on the wound, explaining to Arwen what needed to be done and reassuring the rest of SG-1 that Daniel would be just fine.

* * *

"So, you're saying you need our help?" Jack asked. Daniel was asleep, Evelyn and Arwen having agreed that rest was the best thing for him, and Elizabeth and Haldir remained with him. The rest of SG-1 had been led to a place both Sam and Teal'c recognized as the council area where the Fellowship was formed. After all the introductions, which had served to overwhelm even Jack, Arwen had told the members of SGC what their quest was.

"I wouldn't say that we 'need' your help," Eowyn replied somewhat snappishly. She was finding it difficult to get along with Jack O'Neill, a problem most people had until they truly got to know him and saw exactly what type of person he was. Arwen shot her friend a glance that clearly said 'Calm down'.

"We would like for you to join us, of course," Arwen said smoothly. "But we understand if you feel that it is not your place. I believe you would be valuable allies."

The three friends exchanged glances. None of them could deny that it sounded like fun. While neither Jack nor Teal'c had really been bothered too much by Mary Sues, they both knew that Daniel had experienced those evil apparitions more than a few times. Slash was something Jack did not even want to let his mind rest upon. For the most part, however, SG-1's fanfiction experience was limited to the occasional romance, some humor, and quite a bit of action. Sam knew for a fact that Daniel was getting tired of being killed off, then resurrected. It was bad enough in canon, but fanfiction took it to a whole new level. And General Hammond, the man in charge of the entire Stargate operation, had given them all a thorough chewing out just a few days ago because of the havoc fanfiction was wreaking upon the SGC. Sam motioned to Jack to lean over. She put a hand to his ear and whispered. The Fanfiction Fellowship watched this scene with interest as Jack's face changed expressions several times. When Sam drew back, Jack looked over at Teal'c, who merely nodded his head.

"Okay. We're in," Jack said. Arwen let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

"Good," she said. "Now I am not sure what these fanfiction authors will have in store for us next, but things have been rather quiet for the past few hours. With the exception of your arrival, of course."

Sam opened her mouth to ask a question, but closed it again, clearly surprised when she saw a young woman hurrying towards them. Everyone else followed her gaze and they were relieved when they saw who it was. When she finally reached them, Elizabeth paused only for a moment, her gaze travelling over the newcomers before she finally spoke.

"Arwen, the young man is awake and keeps asking for someone called Janet. I've tried to talk to him, but all he'll say is 'I want Janet'."

Arwen looked at the SG-1 team and saw that they were all trying to hide their own emotions at the sound of that name. Even Teal'c, he of the mono-expression, looked somewhat sad. It was Jack who finally spoke up.

"I'll go to him," he said in a low voice. He started back towards The Last Homely House, but Sam stopped him.

"No. I'll go, sir."

No one missed the intense gazes that both Jack and Sam held for a brief moment. Nor did they miss the fact that Sam's hand was placed on Jack's arm very gently. Jack finally broke the silence.

"Alright, Sam."

"I will accompany you," said Arwen. Sam nodded and the two made their way towards Daniel's room. In the meantime, Eowyn noticed that Elizabeth was looking at both Teal'c and Jack in a very curious way. Since Arwen was gone, Eowyn took it upon herself to introduce the three to each other. Elizabeth had not yet met the other members of SG-1.

"Elizabeth, this is Teal'c," Eowyn said, indicating the Jaffa. "Teal'c, this is Elizabeth Swann."

Teal'c surprised Elizabeth by inclining his head and saying sincerely,

"It is a pleasure, MissSwann."

"Call me Elizabeth," replied the governor's daughter, caught off guard by the imposing Teal'c's polite manner. He inclined his head again in agreement and Elizabeth found herself facing the other man.

"Colonel O'Neill, this is Elizabeth. Elizabeth, meet Colonel O'Neill."

"It's nice to meet you, Colonel," Elizabeth said.

"It's nice to meet you, as well, Miss Swann. But there's no need to be so formal. You can call me Jack."

And thus the temporary peace of Rivendell was shattered again.

* * *

Upstairs, Arwen, Sam, Haldir, and Daniel, were quickly made aware of the fact that all was not well outside. Suppressing the groan that tried to escape from her lips, Arwen went out onto the balcony to see if she could find out what had happened now. Sam was close behind her, followed by Haldir and a very stubborn Daniel, who simply refused to stay in bed any longer.

The council area was in chaos. Eowyn, Anamaria, and Anck were trying to calm Elizabeth down. Celia, Elladan, and Elrohir were reassuring the Pevensies and Prince Caspian, who had all been rather frightened by the young woman's sudden outburst. The Hobbits could only stare at the raving lunatic who had seemed like such a nice, normal person since they'd known her. Teal'c stood on the outer rim of the activity, knowing that he couldn't help with this problem and Sam just knew that he had one of his eyebrows arched as he took in the scene.

And in the middle of this chaos stood Jack O'Neill. Haldir thought privately that he had never seen a man look so confused in his entire life. The colonel was asking something, but he could not be heard above the noise of Elizabeth's hysterics. In a bizarre coincidence, though, Haldir just happened to be an expert at reading lips.

"He's saying 'What did I say?'" replied Haldir. That told Arwen everything she needed to know, but the other three were still confused.

"Jack must have been introduced to Elizabeth," she said simply, as if that should explain the whole thing. It explained the situation to Haldir, but Sam and Daniel were still at a loss. Arwen told them about Elizabeth's confusion regarding her love life and the two friends began to realize the problem.

"What are we going to call Jack?" Daniel asked. Sam shrugged. She usually called him 'sir' anyway.

"I suppose we're just going to have to call him by his last name," Arwen replied, though she hated the idea. It seemed so cold and impersonal to call someone by their last name.

"I think that is the least of our problems, Lady Arwen," Haldir said. Arwen looked over at the Marchwarden, who pointed to a distant cluster of trees. She followed the line of his finger and then paled.

"Oh, Eru. Not again. Haldir, stop them. I don't care what you have to do, but keep them out of Rivendell until we can get Elizabeth inside and away from them."

Haldir didn't have to be told twice. He was off like a shot, leaving Sam and Daniel staring in amazement at the empty spot he had occupied only moments before.

"I have to warn them and get Elizabeth inside," Arwen said, turning and leaving the room. Sam and Daniel had a silent battle of wills before Sam finally gave in and let Daniel come outside with her. Daniel, of course, had to lean against Sam for support and so it was rather slow going. By the time they got outside, they could see that Haldir had been unsuccessful in his mission.

There was a new guest in Rivendell and his name was Legolas. Had Sam understood Elvish, she would have known that Arwen was calling the Prince of Mirkwood many things at the moment, but his actual name did not escape her lips. Daniel _did_ understand Elvish and was more than slightly taken aback that Arwen Undomiel, the Queen of Gondor, the Evenstar of her people, knew such language.

If Elizabeth had been hysterical before, she was downright insane now. She pulled against the people who held her firmly, struggling to break free and run away. Her gaze switched from Jack to Legolas over and over, her mind not comprehending why Will had blond hair or why Jack suddenly didn't look like Jack at all. At least not like the Jack she knew.

Arwen was at a loss. She had tried whispering in Quenya and Sindarin, had tried soothing Elizabeth in the common tongue. Nothing was working. Frustrated, she pulled back from Elizabeth and then let her fist fly. It connected with Elizabeth's jaw and the girl slumped. The council area was deathly quiet.

No one moved. It is quite possible no one breathed. Arwen looked at the prostrate form of Elizabeth Swann and was assailed by guilt. Reaching down and trailing the girl's jaw line gently, she was relieved that she didn't feel anything resembling a break. Taking a few deep breaths, she turned to Elladan and Elrohir.

"Elrohir, would you take her into her room and make sure that she is comfortable? Elladan, I need you to fix up one of those poultices Ada always made for you and Estel when you were hurt. I can't think of anything that will stop the swelling faster than that. Eowyn, will you go with them?"

All three nodded. Elrohir swept Elizabeth up into his arms with a strength that belied his seemingly slender frame and started for his home. Elladan and Eowyn followed him closely. Still, no one in the council area spoke. Arwen took a few more deep breaths to calm herself, but when she turned and found herself staring into a very familiar pair of sapphire eyes, it was obvious to everyone that her attempts to calm herself had been in vain.

"What in the name of the Valar are you doing here?" she asked in a very low, very dangerous tone. Legolas did not seem to be afraid.

"I am looking for Haldir. He was not in Lothlorien, but Lord Celeborn would not tell me where he was. Tell me, Arwen. Is he here?"

Arwen started to reply when her eyes caught a flash just over Legolas' shoulder. When she looked at the flash closely, she saw that it was Gimli's axe. He was hiding and trying to get her attention. The dwarf's head soon appeared and, when he saw that Arwen was looking at him, he began to shake his head vehemently. Arwen arched an eyebrow, but decided that she could find out what this was all about later. Whatever was going on, it was obvious that Legolas wasn't himself.

"I have not seen Haldir today, Legolas. It is possible that he is circling the area with our border guard. Glorfindel, have you had word of Haldir today?"

'_Now what did I do to make her drag me into this?_' thought Glorfindel. Said Glorfindel, "No, my lady. But the border guard is due back this evening. I am sure he will be with them when they return."

"Very well. Legolas," she continued, adopting a sugary sweet smile to match her tone, "why don't you remain with us tonight? It has been such a long time since you came to Rivendell and I know my brothers will be anxious for a good, long talk with you."

"Will Haldir be staying here tonight as well?"

This whole thing was starting to become clearer with every word the Mirkwood Elf spoke. Arwen nodded.

"Yes, Legolas. Haldir is here on an extended stay, actually. I had need of his services for security purposes. Glorfindel, why don't you show Legolas to a room? It is a long journey from Lothlorien and I am sure that he is tired."

"Thank you, Arwen. I would like to rest a bit before Haldir arrives."

Legolas headed for the house and Arwen motioned Glorfindel over to her. She whispered very quietly so Legolas couldn't hear.

"Take him to the room next to Ada's old room. There is no balcony there and it is the only room with a solid lock on the door. Do not, under any circumstances, let him out."

Glorfindel nodded in acknowledgement and hurried to catch up with the Elven prince. As soon as Legolas was out of sight, Arwen heard a voice at her waist.

"I am glad that you saw my signal, Lady Arwen."

"As am I, Gimli," Arwen replied, looking down at the Dwarf and smiling. In spite of the situation, she was glad to see her friend. It wasn't long before Haldir's face poked out of the trees.

"Is he gone?"

"Yes, Master Elf. You can come down."

Haldir dropped to the ground and made his way over to Gimli, giving the dwarf a grateful look.

"Thank you, Master Dwarf, for warning me earlier. Arwen had sent me to stop the two of you and, if Legolas had seen me, I think I might have been done for."

"Well, you certainly would've been 'done'," Gimli couldn't resist the dig and smirked when Haldir's grateful look turned to a scowl. Arwen let it go, considering it a sign of just how far both Gimli and Haldir had come to allow for such remarks.

"Could someone tell me what the heck is going on here?" asked Jack, irritated because he didn't understand anything that had just happened.

"A slash fic," came the venomous reply. Everyone turned to the source of the voice and saw that Rosie Gamgee was struggling mightily to control herself. Diamond and Estella each moved to stand on either side of their friend. Diamond even took Rosie's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Rosie relaxed visibly.

"That crazy Elf was so quick, I could barely keep up with him," Gimli became all business again. There would be time enough to tease Haldir later. "Somehow, though, I convinced him that it was safer for us to travel together than for him to travel alone."

"You convinced Legolas to do something he did not want to do? I believe, Gimli, that you and I should sit down and have a long talk when all this is over with," Arwen said, anxious to find out just how Gimli had persuaded Legolas to do something against his will. For as long as she had known him, Legolas had been incredibly stubborn. Not even Aragorn could sway him once he had made up his mind.

"Well," she continued, turning her attention to the fellowship, "it seems as though we have just had our first encounter with 'slash'. Does anyone have any ideas on how we should fight it?"

Silence.

"Anyone at all?"

Haldir was almost certain he heard crickets chirping all the way over in the Shire. Arwen sighed.

"If this is a slash fic," Edmund asked, suppressing the shudder that ran through him, "then why isn't Haldir acting the same way as Legolas?"

This was a good question. A very good question. Everyone pondered over Edmund's thought for a while and it was Gimli who finally suggested an answer.

"Perhaps it is merely the beginning of the story, Lady Arwen," he ventured. Arwen regarded him with interest.

"Continue, please, Gimli."

"Perhaps this is why Legolas was in such a hurry to find Haldir. I myself have been the victim of many slash fics, as well you know, but not all of them start with my partner and me already together. It is possible that Legolas is seeking Haldir to tell him of his affections and it is also possible that the author of this story has not yet written anything about Haldir himself."

It seemed like a very logical explanation. Arwen nodded thoughtfully as she considered it and the others in the group readily accepted the dwarf's explanation.

"I realize that Haldir is not affected, yet, Arwen," Celia spoke up, "but if we have Legolas locked up, wouldn't it be best to do the same to Haldir? Just to be safe of course. I mean, what if the story affects him in the middle of the night, when all of us are asleep? He is more than capable of going to free Legolas and then where would we be? We have no idea how to fight the slash, yet."

Haldir looked alarmed by Celia's suggestion. Locked up? He couldn't bear being locked up! This wasn't fair! Why did all these ridiculous things happen to him? He voiced his displeasure quickly.

"I cannot help it, Lady Arwen, if these authors persist in writing me into ridiculous situations. First, it was the songfic, then the Mary Sues, then the story with me and Lady Galadriel," here he shivered, "and now me and Legolas. Truly, Arwen, I cannot control my actions."

"Which is precisely why Celia's suggestion is a good one. You cannot control your actions, Haldir, and that is not a good thing at this point in time," Arwen grimaced, hating that she had to do this to her friend. "I am sorry, Haldir. But I am afraid I must agree with Celia about this. It is not something I take pleasure in. You know I value your friendship."

Haldir sighed.

"I know, Lady Arwen. I just do not wish to be locked up as if I were a common criminal."

"Did all that stuff really happen to him?" Daniel whispered to Anck, who was standing next to him. She nodded in reply and Daniel began to feel a pang of sympathy for the Lothlorien Elf. His scientific mind began to race. Perhaps he and Sam could devise something to protect Haldir. Perhaps they could create something for the whole fellowship. Quickly becoming lost in his thoughts, Daniel missed the very last part of the conversation.

"You will be taken, blindfolded, to another part of Rivendell. I do not think it would even be wise to let you stay in the same house as Legolas. Not until we figure out how to fight this. Until we come up with a solution, I am afraid you will have to remain in your quarters. Ah, Glorfindel."

Glorfindel began to look wary at Arwen's welcoming tone. The past five minutes of his life had been particularly unpleasant. Legolas had caught on to what was happening just as Glorfindel had escaped from the Mirkwood Elf. A tug of war over the door to the room had ensued, but Glorfindel had emerged victorious. Not without some scraped knuckles and a bruised shin where Legolas had somehow managed to kick him, though.

"Yes, Lady Arwen?" he asked carefully.

"Would you mind taking Haldir to another room? I believe it would be better for everyone concerned if both he and Legolas were out of harm's way. I need you to take him, blindfolded, to new quarters. My only requirements are that they be comfortable and that the door have a lock."

Glorfindel eyed Haldir suspiciously, as though he were suspecting the Marchwarden to panic at these words.

"I will not fight you, Glorfindel," Haldir reassured him. Glorfindel did not seem so sure, though, as he blinded Haldir and led him away. As they walked, Haldir's voice drifted back to the group.

"You know something, Glorfindel? This is the third time I have moved since arriving here. The hospitality of Rivendell is sorely lacking since its lord passed into Valinor."

Arwen muttered a few more curses as she plopped ungracefully into the chair that her father had occupied so long ago during the Council of Elrond. Everyone eyed her sympathetically as she began to massage her temples. Headaches were still relatively new to Arwen. But it had only taken the first one to convince her that she thoroughly despised them. Lucy kneeled at Arwen's feet and took one of her hands, patting it reassuringly.

"What is the trouble, Arwen?" she asked, knowing that it was more than this latest development with Haldir and Legolas.

"I do not see how we can battle these evils of fanfiction if we are constantly being affected by them ourselves," Arwen's tone bordered on despondent. She felt like she wanted to cry, but refused to give in to the urge. "I believe we have undertaken a quest that cannot be accomplished. What will we do?"

It was at this point that Daniel stepped forward, Sam at his side. Lucy looked admiringly at the archaeologist and Caspian noticed, but ignored the pang of jealousy that stabbed through him. Daniel's blue eyes were alight with an expression that Jack and Teal'c knew well. Daniel Jackson had an idea.

"I believe, Lady Arwen, that if you give us a chance, Sam and I may be able to come up with a solution to this problem."

* * *

A/N: Dun, dun, dun! What's the solution? What scheme is cooking underneath that impossibly gorgeous head of hair? Tune in next time to find out the answer!


	18. Peace and Quiet? NAH!

**Chapter 18: Peace and Quiet? NAH!**

A/N: Hello! Here I am again! Hope everyone enjoyed the last chapter. Now, it's time for more.

Disclaimer: Haven't I made this clear enough by now?

SHOUT-OUTS….FROM THE PAST!!!!!:

Julia: It's going to be very difficult for everyone to call Jack 'O'Neill', but things will work out in the long run. And Elizabeth won't be around for this chapter. You'll see why. Yes, I thought it was time that we encounter 'slash'. And Haldir was locked away before anything 'icky', as you so eloquently put it, could happen. But that doesn't really mean anything, does it? _grins _

Fool of a Rohirrim: Oh, don't give away Daniel's idea. Actually, it was your idea. Well, either way, it's a good idea. I told you I'd try to work it in. I've given Haldir, Glorfindel, and Gimli your cookies and they are most appreciative. Though Gimli keeps muttering something about wanting malt beer instead of milk. Dwarves can be so strange.

LadyDeb: YOU MET SAMANTHA CARTER!! How cool is that! I love her character on SG-1 and Amanda Tapping seems like such a nice person. You bring up an interesting point with Celia and Daniel. He, and Sam, would be very intrigued by such an idea. I'll see if I can work it in. Thanks!

Athena Diagon Cat: No, no Lucy/Caspian stories at the moment. See, even before I started reading fanfic, I imagined that it was 'possible' Caspian and Lucy had feelings for each other. Of course, with them being so young, I never thought it going beyond a simple 'first love' type of thing. Besides, Caspian marries that girl who is the daughter of the star. (I've really got to find my copy of 'Voyage of the Dawn Treader' I can't remember the girl's name. Or her father's name, for that matter) Anyway, I just thought it would be fun to work my childish imaginings in here. Nothing serious will come of it, I promise.

Star-Stallion: LOL! You sounded like Pippin in that review! 'Poor guy...Elf...thing.' Whether it was intentional or not (and I think it was intentional), you made me laugh and for that I thank you. Yes, Haldir is being tortured. And it's not over yet. _grins mischievously _

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* * *

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The next day, Arwen and Glorfindel found themselves heading for Daniel's room. After he had mentioned the possibility of a solution to the fellowship's problem with being affected by fanfiction, Arwen had not hesitated to give him full access to anything in Rivendell that might be useful. He had retreated to his room, not even coming out for dinner, and Arwen did not know what he was trying to do. But the twins had gone with him, presumably to get him whatever he would need, though Arwen knew they were also curious as to what he would come up with. And, after dinner, Samantha Carter had been summoned to Daniel's room as well. Arwen hadn't seen any of them at breakfast that morning. Now it was nearing midday. She wanted to know what was going on. But she had no way of knowing that Daniel, at the moment, was being driven up the wall by a very bored Jack O'Neill.

* * *

Sam didn't know what had possessed Jack to join them that morning. After bringing some breakfast up for them, though, he had seemed content to settle in a chair in the corner and watch as Sam and Daniel tried to make Daniel's idea come to life. It was very difficult, really. Middle Earth did not have the technology they were used to, but Daniel was determined that they could make up for the lack of technology with plain, old- fashioned common sense and Mother Nature.

Jack, however, was of a different opinion. Daniel had tried explaining the idea to him, but O'Neill just didn't see how his teammate would make it work without all the technology that was normally at the SGC's disposal. He had managed, though, to work up a conversation with Elladan and Elrohir, and was not peppering Daniel with questions at the moment. The sound of something breaking, followed by a curse from Daniel, changed all that.

"What happened?" the colonel asked. Elrohir heard Daniel sigh and hid a smile.

"Nothing, Jack. Go back to your conversation," Daniel replied. He sincerely hoped Jack would just leave him alone. But it was not to be. Jack was soon looking over his shoulder.

"What did you break?"

"It was just a small glass, Jack. Please go back and sit down." Daniel, usually the most patient person in the world, was having trouble controlling his temper. He and Sam had been up all night long, working on this, and they were tantalizingly close to achieving their goal. But it still seemed so far out of reach. To make matters worse, he hadn't had a cup of coffee in almost 48 hours. And it didn't look as if coffee was something the residents of Middle Earth were familiar with, either, so Daniel was having to reconcile himself to being without his nectar of life. Plus his leg was beginning to bother him again, even though it was healing remarkably fast (as most fanfiction-induced wounds usually do).

"I still don't see how you're going to accomplish this, Daniel," Jack said for the tenth time since his arrival that morning. Daniel rolled his eyes.

"Come on, Jack. Have a little faith. If MacGyver can build an atomic bomb with twigs, duck tape, and a Swiss Army knife, then I can do this."

There was silence for a little while. Then...

"Daniel? Who's MacGyver?"

Daniel just turned and looked at Jack in disbelief, then shook his head and turned back to his work. Apparently, he did not deem the question worthy of an answer. Sam stifled a giggle.

When it became obvious to Jack that Daniel had no intention of answering his question, he shrugged and went back to his seat and his discussion with the twins about Elven weaponry. Daniel and Sam worked in blissful peace. For a while.

A knock sounded on the door and Daniel sighed heavily. He would never get done at this rate. Irritated, he put down some of the instruments he'd been working with and went to the door. When he opened it, however, all his irritation vanished.

"Hi," he said, unconsciously running his hand through his hair. Evelyn smiled. She could tell Daniel liked her and she thought it rather sweet, really. Besides, he didn't seem like the type to 'make advances' towards a married woman. She couldn't have been more right.

"Hello, Dr. Jackson," she replied, her proper British behavior at the forefront. "I realize you're busy, but I have to admit that I'm very intrigued by what you're working on. Would you mind if I came in?"

"No. No, not at all," said Daniel. He opened the door a little wider and stood to one side, allowing her to pass. Sam smiled at her, as did the twins and Jack. But Evelyn realized someone was missing.

"Where is Teal'c?" she inquired. The last time she had seen the Jaffa, he had been taking breakfast up to Daniel's room with Jack. She had assumed he would be here.

"Oh, the Hobbits kidnapped him," Sam explained, her eyes dancing at the memory. Rosie, Diamond, and Estella had been quite intrigued by Teal'c and she had been able to tell that he felt the same towards them. "I believe they mentioned something about needing assistance to reach something high up."

This drew the attention of the twins, who had been retrieving some things for Daniel and Sam when the Hobbits had come to take Teal'c away.

"Did they say what the 'something' was, Lady Samantha?" Elrohir asked cautiously. Sam, though she had told all the Elves to call her by her first name, blushed prettily nonetheless when they persisted in using the title of 'Lady'.

"No, I'm afraid they didn't," she said. The twins exchanged worried glances. As if on cue, an ear-piercing shriek resounded through Rivendell. Everyone looked up, startled by the sound. Everyone except the twins.

"By the Valar," Elladan muttered. He looked at Elrohir and both Elves spoke in unison.

"Erestor."

They were out the door in a flash, headed for Erestor's quarters. Those they left behind merely shrugged and went back to their tasks. Daniel and Sam resumed their work, Evelyn watched with interest, and Jack went back to bugging the life out of all of them.

Just as Daniel had refocused himself, a yell broke through the re-established quiet, shattering his concentration yet again.

"LEGOLAS!!"

"Who the heck was that?" asked Jack. Evelyn frowned as she replied.

"It sounded like Haldir."

That's when Arwen came into the room. Her face had gone pale when she heard the yell. Haldir had not uttered a word all night. She had spoken with him that morning when she went with Glorfindel to take him his breakfast and he seemed perfectly normal. This could only mean one thing. The slash fic had finally taken hold. Before she could utter a word, there was another yell.

"HALDIR?! HALDIR, IS THAT YOU?!"

This yell sounded louder than the first because Legolas was in a room near Daniel's. Jack covered his ears, clearly irritated by the noise. The high-decibel conversation continued.

"YES, LEGOLAS! IT IS I! ARE YOU SAFE?!"

"SAFE, YES. BUT EXTREMELY UNHAPPY!"

"WHY, MELLON NIN?! YOU ARE THE STRONGEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL ELF IN ALL OF MIDDLE EARTH. YOU ARE HEIR TO ONE OF THE GREAT ELVEN KINGDOMS! ALL OTHER ELVES ENVY YOUR POSITION. WHAT CAUSES THIS SADNESS?"

"I AM NOT WITH YOU! I MISS YOU, HALDIR! THAT IS WHY I WAS SEARCHING FOR YOU! I HAVE SOMETHING I MUST TELL YOU!"

Everyone followed Jack's example at this point and most were able to block out the next words. But, for the first time in her long, long lifetime, Arwen was cursing her Elven hearing. Try though she may, she could not block out Legolas' declaration of undying love. Glancing over at Glorfindel, she could tell he felt the same.

"I LOVE YOU, HALDIR! YOU ARE MY SOULMATE! MY ONE AND ONLY! I LONG TO HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS FOREVER!"

There was silence for a minute. Then Haldir responded.

"OH, HOW I HAVE LONGED TO HEAR THOSE WORDS FROM YOU! FOR AGES I HAVE WATCHED YOU, LONGING TO TELL YOU MY OWN FEELINGS, BUT AFRAID YOU WOULD REJECT ME. I THOUGHT YOUR HEART BELONGED TO ARAGORN FOR CERTAIN!"

Arwen's eyebrows shot up.

"NO! I NEVER CARED FOR ARAGORN AS ANYTHING MORE THAN A FRIEND AND BROTHER!" A sigh of relief from Arwen. "IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN YOU, HALDIR! ONLY YOU!"

"LEGOLAS! LEGOLAS, IF ONLY I COULD FIND MY WAY TO YOU! I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE AND YET I CANNOT ESCAPE THIS FOUL PRISON!"

Glorfindel rolled his eyes. Haldir had some of the best accommodations in all of Rivendell. Just because his door was locked did not make him a prisoner. Well, actually, it did. But there was clearly just cause in the door being locked.

"I UNDERSTAND, MELETH NIN! DO NOT FEAR! I WILL FIND A WAY OUT OF THIS SOMEHOW AND THEN WE WILL RETURN TO MY FATHER'S PALACE IN MIRKWOOD. THERE, WE WILL MAKE OUR HOME TOGETHER! WE WILL FINALLY BELONG TO ONE ANOTHER, HALDIR!"

"I HOLD MY BREATH IN ANTICIPATION, MELETH!"

As abruptly as it had begun, the conversation ended. Arwen looked over at Glorfindel.

"I want extra guards posted at both locations. Legolas and Haldir are very cunning. It is possible they will find a way to escape from their quarters. If that happens, I want those guards to be ready."

"Yes, Lady Arwen."

When Glorfindel was gone, Arwen turned to Daniel, who was looking slightly green.

"I hope that you have been able to come up with a solution, Daniel. Otherwise, we can only hope that Haldir's last statement was true, in which case he will hold his breath until he passes out and then our problem will be solved, if only momentarily."

"Sam and I are doing our best, Lady Arwen. Though it would be much easier if certain people were not here."

"Evelyn?" queried Arwen, glancing at the female archaeologist, who seemed hurt by Daniel's statement.

"No, not Evelyn," Daniel was quick to correct Arwen's error. "Evelyn can stay. I'm talking about Jack."

"Hey! What did I ever do to you?" the leader of SG1 was clearly affronted.

"Well, for starters, you won't leave me alone. You're constantly asking questions, telling me this will never work, and generally getting in my way. And you shot me."

Jack ignored the reference to his honest mistake from yesterday. Daniel had endured much worse where wounds were concerned.

"Well excuse me for livin', Space Monkey! I didn't know you felt that way about it!"

"Yes, you did! That's why you came in here in the first place! You get some sort of perverse pleasure out of bugging me!"

"Are you calling me a pervert?!"

"No, I am not calling you a pervert, you moron!"

By this point, both men were in each other's faces. Evelyn and Arwen looked on in shock while Sam calmly continued her work. As the argument escalated, Evelyn leaned over to Sam.

"Are you sure those two are friends?" she asked. Arwen also looked at Sam, eager to hear the answer.

"Oh, yes," Sam responded, nodding her head vehemently. "They couldn't be closer, to tell you the truth. Well, actually, they could. But then they'd sound a lot like Haldir and Legolas just did. This is just their way of dealing with each other. You get used to it after a while."

Arwen wasn't too sure about that, but she was sure that, if she didn't get Jack O'Neill out of here fast, Daniel would never get finished with his project.

"Jack!" she tried to get his attention. It didn't work.

"JACK!" Still nothing. Sam gave her some quiet advice and Arwen smiled.

"COLONEL O'NEILL!!"

Jack shut up. Not only did Jack shut up, but he also came to attention. Arwen smiled and placed a hand on his arm. He looked at her and relaxed a little.

"I would actually appreciate it if you did come with me, Jack," she said in her most cajoling tone. Arwen, though she was married and thoroughly devoted to her husband, was not above using feminine wiles to get what she wanted. It had been plain from the start that Jack thought her attractive. She used that now to her advantage. As she threaded her arm through his, she smiled her most dazzling smile.

"I would like to know more about the weapons on your world," she continued. In all honesty, she really was rather intrigued by them. "Would you take me for a walk and tell me about them?"

Jack cleared his throat, obviously uncomfortable with this new situation. _She's good, _ Sam thought.

"I'd be happy to tell you about those weapons, Lady Arwen," he finally replied. "_Some_ people," here he glared at Daniel, "don't see the beauty of them as I do."

"Hard to see the beauty of something your supposed friend shot you with," Daniel muttered. But Arwen had already led Jack out of the room and, therefore, out of earshot. Taking a deep breath, Daniel got back to work.

Jack and Arwen hadn't gone far when they were met by the twins, Teal'c, and three very guilty-looking Hobbits.

"Where is Erestor?" Arwen inquired. She had run into her brothers while they were on their way to Erestor's quarters earlier.

"Recovering," Elladan said. Elrohir snorted from trying to hold his laughter in and Arwen looked at him suspiciously.

"What happened?"

"Well, sister, it seems that our innocent Hobbit friends are not so innocent. They snuck into Erestor's quarters while he was at breakfast this morning and put some sort of powder in his clothing."

"Apparently, the Hobbits have been watching Erestor for quite a while now and they have his routine memorized," Elrohir took over. "They know that, after breakfast, he goes back to his quarters and changes. They did not know what clothes he was going to wear, so they put the powder in all of his clothing."

Elrohir could not keep the hint of admiration out of his voice.

"And what did the powder do?" prompted Arwen.

"Let us say that Erestor's skin now matches Erestor's hair. All his skin. This powder, once it got on his hands, also traveled to his face and his neck. Because, while the powder turns the skin purple, it also makes the skin itch. Apparently, the powder does not actually make the skin change color until an hour after contact. But it begins itching right away. So the more Erestor scratched..." Elladan trailed off.

"The more skin was covered by the powder," Arwen sighed. She looked at the Hobbits, trying to convey that she was disappointed by their actions. But, truthfully, it made her want to laugh. Poor Erestor!

"So how did Teal'c come into this?" Jack asked.

"Well, the Hobbits knew they couldn't get into all of Erestor's wardrobe because some of it is too high up for them to reach. So they recruited Teal'c to help them. He got them the items that were too high up."

Jack looked at Teal'c, astounded by the Jaffa's actions. Teal'c merely stared straight ahead.

"Teal'c? Teal'c, are you sick? Did that snake thing finally take control of you?"

"I do have a sense of humor, O'Neill," Teal'c replied, still staring straight ahead.

"Yeah, I know. But practical jokes aren't usually your thing, buddy. What's going on?"

Teal'c ignored Jack and addressed Arwen instead.

"I apologize, Lady Arwen, for any trouble I have brought to your realm. It was unwise of me to get involved in such a thing, but I simply could not refuse my little friends."

The Hobbits, despite their current predicament, grinned at Teal'c's term for them. Had it been anyone else, they might have been offended. But they knew Teal'c meant no offense. In fact, they kind of liked it when he called them that.

"That is quite alright, Teal'c. It has been my experience that Hobbits possess an enormous gift for persuasion. And these three are certainly no exception," Arwen said.

"Indeed," was all Teal'c said in response. Jack smiled. Now that was the Teal'c he knew.

"Well," continued Arwen, turning to the Hobbits again. "What do you have to say for yourselves?"

"We were bored," declared Diamond. Pippin had obviously rubbed off on his wife. Arwen sighed.

"Do me a favor, please. Don't go near Erestor anymore. If you feel the urge to play tricks on someone, do it to the twins. They aren't as high strung as Erestor is."

Considering the situation solved, Arwen took Jack's arm again and started walking off. The twins stared after their sister in shock, then looked down at the Hobbits with apprehension. Rosie, Diamond, and Estella smiled back up at them innocently, which only served to increase the nervousness of the sons of Elrond.

"HALDIR!! I MISS YOU!!"

"I MISS YOU AS WELL, LEGOLAS!! BUT WE WILL BE WITH EACH OTHER SOON!!"

"FOR THE LOVE OF THE VALAR!! WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?!"

This came from Arwen. Everyone stared at her for a moment, stunned by her words. But Arwen had reached the end of her metaphorical Elven rope. She was tired, she was irritated, and she was determined to have an afternoon of peace. Taking a deep breath, she calmed herself before asking the twins one more favor.

"If they start that again, I want them both gagged. Bound, if it is necessary. I _will_ have at least one afternoon's peace. Until Daniel succeeds with his idea, that may be the only way to get it."

"Yes, Arwen," Elrohir finally replied. Arwen smiled and inclined her head in thanks before making her way out to the gardens with Jack O'Neill firmly in tow.

"Elladan?"

"Yes, Elrohir?"

"I think our sister has finally lost her mind."

"Yes, Elrohir."

The twins continued down the hallway along with a rather perplexed Jaffa and three Hobbits who were already making plans for their first attack on Elladan and Elrohir. After all, things are never boring in Rivendell when Hobbits come for a visit.

* * *

A/N: All for this chapter! Next chapter: Daniel's project revealed! And will Erestor ever look like a normal Elf again? Tune in next time to find out!


	19. Unexpected Guests

**Chapter 19: Unexpected Guests**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fic. The character Celia belongs to LadyDeb1970.

A/N: I didn't make very many changes to this chapter because, quite honestly, it stumped me. And it didn't WANT to be changed. I'm sorry, guys. I really tried.

SHOUT-OUTS….FROM THE PAST!!!!:

Dreaming N Watercolors: Did I mention in my review of your story that I love your name? It's very original. Thanks for the review! Yay! Another Stargate fan! I completely agree with your views, my friend. I just shudder to think what will happen after the 'Narnia' movies come out. Those poor Pevensies. And I'm sure Hidalgo, once it's released on DVD, might have its little section of 'slash', too. _shudders again._ Poor Viggo. Let me make it all better. _grins _The idea of Legolas being vain went along with the fanfiction that was being written about him and Arwen. In that story, he was vain and proud, so it spilled over to the real Legolas. And I'm afraid I can't take credit for the 'Stone, Parchment, Dagger' game. You see, I'm a huge fan of Hercules and Xena. And I think I first heard the game called that on an episode of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys. It was either that, or a Hercules fanfic. One or the other. All I remember is that Iolaus had something to do with it. _sighs as she thinks of Michael Hurst _

Star-Stallion: I shuddered writing it! And you have a Scottish accent?! I love it. I love European accents. Well, a few European accents. Mainly Irish, Scottish, and English. Everyone has such a cool voice over there. I'm jealous.

Julia: Yay! Someone caught the 'MacGyver' remark! Thank you! Yes, I loved watching 'MacGyver'. It was a great show. And Richard Dean Anderson is still SO good-looking. And this chapter you will get to see Daniel and Sam's invention!

* * *

Once upon a time, it was not difficult to find peace and quiet in Rivendell. That all changed with the birth of Elrond and Celebrian's twin sons. But even then, Glorfindel reflected, no one had to deal with the chaos that had come with the arrival of this new fellowship. He thought of all this as he was leaving Erestor's quarters. The former advisor of Lord Elrond was a sight to behold. His hair was still caught between bright purple and dark pink, but his skin was undeniably purple. Very purple. Glorfindel was doing his best to comfort his friend, but Erestor was barely coherent. All Glorfindel could get out of him was mutterings.

"Valinor...Undying Lands...Must leave soon."

Those were the only three things Erestor would say. Glorfindel shook his head as he walked back to his own quarters. It looked as if the pranks of the Hobbits would send Erestor into the West before he had actually heard his call.

Meanwhile, Arwen had managed to gain _some _peace and quiet, if only for a few minutes. She found herself enjoying the company of Jack O'Neill and his tales of adventure interested her greatly. He was in the middle of telling her about a day that kept repeating itself when Arwen's sixth sense kicked in. She immediately stiffened and Jack stopped talking.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Shh," Arwen put a slender finger to her lips. Amazingly, Jack complied with her request.

Arwen's eyes darted around for a while. She felt a presence, but couldn't see anything. This unnerved her. What if someone had decided to write a horror story, with her as the main character? There were few things that frightened Arwen, but horror stories were one of them. A hand clamped down on her shoulder and she screamed.

Jack, who hadn't been facing Arwen, didn't see the figure that came up behind her. The first he had known of it was when Arwen screamed. Instantly, he reached for his Beretta, which wasn't there. Realizing that, he prepared himself for hand-to-hand combat as he whirled around to face whoever or whatever had frightened Arwen.

As it turned out, neither of them had a reason to be nervous. The owner of the hand was a friend, but he was rather irritated at the moment. Recognition dawned in Arwen's eyes when she came face to face with her 'attacker'.

"Boromir?"

"You remember me!" the son of Denethor exclaimed. In spite of his mood, he was glad she remembered him.

"Of course I remember you," Arwen replied. She regarded him with a look that almost bordered suspicion. "But I also remember something else. Aren't you dead?"

Boromir's face contorted into a mask of disgust.

"Well, seeing as how I was killed by Uruk-Hai in both book AND movie, then put in a boat and sent over a waterfall, yes. Yes, you would think I would be dead. But no. No, I'm still here. Forced to walk over the face of Middle Earth as a spirit because people like me too much to let me die."

"I'm….confused."

This came from Jack, who did indeed look confused. Arwen smiled at him and Boromir frowned. Who was this man in the strange clothes?

"Jack, this is Boromir. Boromir, meet Colonel Jack O'Neill. He's a military man."

That was all it took to gain the approval of Boromir. He grinned broadly at Jack.

"Good to meet you."

"Uh...yeah. You, too."

While Jack went on being confused, Elladan and Elrohir had arrived at the scene. After hearing their sister's scream, they had practically knocked over everything in their path to get to her. When they saw Boromir, their jaws dropped.

"Boromir?" they said in unison. "But you're supposed to be dead." Boromir rolled his eyes.

"You would think that, if all these people know I'm supposed to be dead, I wouldn't be here. But I am here. I'm here instead of doing what I long to do most of all."

"What's that?" Arwen inquired.

"Resting. I want to rest. I want peace and quiet. I want to be left alone."

Arwen could sympathize. But the twins got an evil glint in their eye.

"Oh come now, Boromir. It can't be all that bad. Surely you have enjoyed some of the stories written about you," Elrohir said.

Boromir thought for a moment. His eyes lit up as he recalled one story in particular. A story where he had lived. Not only that, but he had been paired with an extremely beautiful woman named Rhoswen, with whom he shared a deep and abiding love. Yes, that one was worth all this wandering about. Definitely worth it.

"Well, I suppose some of them aren't too bad," he admitted in a somewhat dreamy voice. The twins grinned.

"Speak for yourself," came another voice.

"Father!"

Denethor walked up to his son and smiled at him.

"It is good to see you, son. But I'm afraid that you fare in these stories much better than I do."

"That goes for me, too!" added King Thranduil, as he came to stand beside Elladan.

"We're tired of being portrayed as ogres simply because girls are in love with our sons," Denethor proclaimed. "We want to help you fight this fanfiction evil, Arwen. Oh, by the way. No hard feelings about that whole 'ragged house, long bereft of Lordship' thing?"

Arwen was still so stunned by the sudden appearance of all these people that she couldn't talk.

"Father, you tried to burn Faramir alive," Boromir seemed more than just a little annoyed by that small detail. "Can you blame them for what they think?"

"I was driven mad by the palantir!! But no one bothered to mention that in the movie, did they? No, of course not. As if I didn't have enough problems because of that scene in the extended edition of the second movie, they had to make it worse by just making me look like an abusive father in the third one. Not only am I insensitive and unfeeling towards my youngest son, but I also beat him as a child!" Denethor was understandably angry over the entire situation.

"I sympathize, Lord Denethor. I am not even in the movies, yet these girls persist in thinking that I was either cold and distant towards my son or I abused him frequently," Thranduil offered his sympathy.

"At least you didn't have to jump off a tower while you were on fire simply because it made an incredibly breathtaking shot and most likely played an instrumental role in winning the Academy Award for special effects," Denethor shot back.

"Is it me or is this conversation becoming just a tad surreal?" Jack asked Elrohir.

"You're right on the second part," Elrohir informed him.

"Good," Jack sighed with relief. "For a minute there, I thought it was just me."

"LEGOLAS!!"

"Oh, no. Not again," Arwen pleaded under her breath to whatever higher power might be listening.

"LEGOLAS!!"

"I thought you gagged them," Arwen said, rounding on her brothers. They took a step backwards, away from their sister. Orcs they could face. Their sister when she was angry? Slightly more frightening.

"We did!" Elladan bravely spoke up. "I do not know how Haldir got the gag off." Elrohir shook his head and Arwen just sighed. It wasn't really their fault all this was going on.

"Why is Haldir calling for my son?" asked Thranduil. He received a look from Boromir, well versed in such things, that said he probably didn't want to know.

"It is a long story, my lord," Arwen massaged her temples as she spoke. "One that I will be happy to tell you later, but, for now, why don't you tell me why you and Lord Denethor have come to Rivendell?"

"Lord Denethor already told you. We wish to help you fight."

Arwen shook her head at this, but smiled slightly to let them know she appreciated their offer.

"That is very kind of both of you, but our fellowship is complete. We have more than enough members. Of course, you are welcome to give us ideas, but..."

"ARWEN!!"

"Who was that?" Elladan wondered out loud.

"That was Daniel," Jack replied. "And it sounds like he's come up with something. I can tell by the tone of his voice."

"In that case, we should make our way to his quarters," Arwen said, but Jack took her arm and held her back.

"No need for that. When Daniel is excited about something, he'll find you."

As if on cue, Daniel appeared at that very moment, followed closely by Sam, Evelyn, and Eowyn. They, in turn, were followed by the rest of the fellowship. The only member absent was Elizabeth, who was still confined to her quarters since the arrival of both Legolas and O'Neill.

"I think we have it," Daniel said. His hair was rather messy, his clothes somewhat wrinkled, and his blue eyes were intense, sparkling with the realization that their owner had finally achieved his goal. Lucy and Susan gazed at him adoringly, much to the consternation of their two brothers and Caspian.

"We have it?" repeated Arwen. "What is it?"

She took the object from Daniel's hand and studied it, unable to see anything remarkable about it.

"I call it an 'anti-fanfic bubble'," Daniel explained. "But, where we're from, things are always shortened to abbreviations, so Sam and I have christened it the 'AFB'."

"What does it do, Danny-boy?" Jack inquired.

"It doesn't look like anything more than a helmet," Caspian added, determined to find something wrong with the object.

"Well, in a lot of ways, that's what it is," Daniel began. Jack groaned softly, knowing that the archaeologist was slipping into 'exposition' mode. "See, what these stories really affect is the mind. They affect the mind of whoever they're writing about. What we had to do was find a way to protect the mind. So, Sam came up with the idea of taking one of the helmets from the armory and refashioning it to somehow block whatever it is that makes us act strangely. Luckily, we had some of our instruments from our world with us, so she took some of them and went to study the atmosphere outside of the room Legolas was in. Her results were very interesting. You see, it seems that-"

"Daniel. Why don't you just cut to the chase, buddy?" Jack endeavored to spare everyone else the details. Daniel flushed slightly.

"Oh, sorry. To make a long story short..."

"Too late for that," Jack muttered. Sam elbowed him. Daniel either didn't hear his friend or chose to ignore him.

"If you put this on your head, it should protect you from fanfiction."

"Could you make one for a ghost?"

Daniel looked at Boromir, suddenly realizing that there were three new people in the group.

"Oh. Um...I guess I could try."

"Well, first off, how do we know if this thing works?" Jack inquired.

"LEGOLAS!!"

Arwen smiled. Not her usual, dazzlingly beautiful smile. But a smug, somewhat evil smile.

"I have an idea," she said.

* * *

"Jack, hold his leg down! He is kicking me!"

"Well, I'd be able to hold his leg down if you would get out of my way, Elrohir!"

"Both of you just shut up and hold him still so I can get this on him!"

"Why don't YOU shut up, Daniel?"

"O'Neill, I do not see why you should be angry with DanielJackson."

"Oh, stuff it, Teal'c. Just keep hold of that arm. Daniel, would you get this thing on him already?"

"He's thrashing too much. I can't get near him until you get that leg under control, Jack."

"LEGOLAS!!"

This was just a taste of what Arwen and the rest of the fellowship had heard since the twins, Teal'c, Jack, and Daniel had entered the room of Haldir five minutes earlier. He was fighting with all of his strength to escape his 'prison' and get to Legolas, but there was one strong man, two Elves, and a Jaffa holding him back and Haldir was finding that it was rather difficult to get the upper hand.

Suddenly, the uproar stopped. The group outside the door exchanged worried glances. Had Daniel been successful in getting the AFB on Haldir? Or had the four others finally snapped and made a successful joint effort to kill the Marchwarden?

Their question was answered when the door to Haldir's room opened, revealing Haldir himself. His clothes were a mess, his hair in tangles, and he even had a bruise forming on his jaw where Elladan had punched him when Haldir bit the son of Elrond. But his eyes were not glazed over and he wasn't making a mad dash for the room Legolas was being kept in. Arwen eyed him warily.

"Haldir?" she questioned.

"What is going on here? Why is everyone outside my room? And what is this thing on my head?"

He started to remove the helmet, but immediately stopped when everyone in the hallway shouted in unison.

"NO!!"

Very slowly, Haldir removed his hands from the helmet as he stared at all of them with a vast amount of confusion in his gaze.

"Very well. I shall leave it where it is. But would someone tell me what is going on, please?"

Eowyn took the Marchwarden aside and started to explain things to him while Arwen held a conversation with Daniel.

"Can you make more of these?" she asked.

"Yes. How many do you want?"

"One for each member of the fellowship."

"What about us?" asked Boromir, obviously hurt that he wasn't being included. Arwen smiled at him.

"I am sorry, Boromir. But I can not ask Daniel to do nothing but make these AFB's while he is here. We may need his expertise for other things as well."

"Well that's not fair," Boromir pouted in a very un-noble like manner. Arwen rolled her eyes, but Elladan attempted to console the son of Denethor.

"Look at it this way, Boromir. Perhaps you will finally be reunited with Rhoswen. If you were wearing one of those," he indicated the AFB on Haldir's head, "then you would miss the reunion."

Boromir pondered this for a moment and finally agreed with Elladan's logic.

"Alright. But I will be back to see if I can help later."

Elladan nodded in understanding, willing to bet that if Boromir was reunited with Rhoswen, he'd probably forget all about the fanfiction fellowship.

"Well, I am not leaving. Not until I can clear my name," Denethor declared, crossing his arms in defiance. He looked for all the world like a two-year old boy determined to have his way. Arwen reined in the urge to laugh. After all, she couldn't blame him for his feelings.

"Lord Denethor, no one believes that you were an abusive father. You were just misled during the last part of your life. Please, there is nothing you can do here. If we find ourselves in need of you, we will find a way to bring you here," Arwen said. Her kind speech caught the late Steward off guard and he acquiesced to her request.

"What about me? What about my son?"

"King Thranduil," Arwen began, carefully attempting to couch her request in diplomatic terms. "Do you suppose it is possible for you to return to Mirkwood and take Legolas with you? I will provide however many guards you may need to keep him under control, but I need your word that you will keep him in Mirkwood until we can find a way to vanquish this evil once and for all. He is distracting to a very valuable member of this fellowship in particular and just plain distracting in general."

"I _beg_ your pardon," Thranduil said, obviously offended for his son.

"I mean no offense, my lord. It is just that Legolas is so susceptible to these fanfictions. That is the reason I would not let him join the fellowship in the first place. Surely you are aware of his fanfiction problem?" Arwen inquired.

"Of course I am. I do not think there is a being on Middle Earth who is unaware of it."

"Wonderful!" Arwen beamed with gratitude. "Thank you for agreeing to keep him in Mirkwood, my lord."

Thranduil, realizing he had been out maneuvered, sighed and shook his head.

"You are welcome, Lady Arwen."

After the three unexpected guests, plus Legolas, had departed (or, in Boromir's and Denethor's cases, departed _again_), the fellowship dispersed. Haldir, the twins, Teal'c, and Jack all went to the training grounds where they proceeded to beat each other again. The Pevensies, Caspian, and the Hobbits went in search of some fun and, in the case of the Hobbits, some food. Daniel, Sam, and Evelyn returned to Daniel's quarters to make some more AFB's. And so Arwen, along with Anck, Celia, Elizabeth, Anamaria, and Glorfindel, was finally enjoying some peace and quiet.

The six of them sat in Glorfindel's study, sipping miruvor wine and basically just reveling in the stillness that had blanketed Rivendell. The only sounds to be heard were the faint clinging of swords from the training grounds and occasional laughter from the kitchen or from Daniel's quarters. Even Glorfindel had allowed himself to relax for a moment.

"What will we do after the AFB's are made, Arwen?" Celia asked.

"I have been thinking about that, actually," Arwen replied from her position next to the fire. "Now that I have the time and strength to think about such things, we should start moving towards our goal a little more quickly. I have come to the conclusion that, while we can come up with ideas and put them into action on our own, we simply do not have the manpower to defeat the evils of fanfiction. So I am going to call a council."

"A council?" questioned Glorfindel, one eyebrow arched. He wasn't so sure this was a good idea.

"Yes, a council. A meeting of as many victims of fanfiction as we can find. If enough of them can come, perhaps we can put a stop to all this madness and live our lives in peace."

* * *

Special note to MERCURY GRAY: I hope you did not mind my mentioning Rhoswen in this chapter. But I had to think of some reason for Boromir to like some fanfiction. And Rhoswen seemed like the best reason of all.

IMPORTANT: For those of you who want to know who this Rhoswen person is, read Mercury Gray's story, 'The Meaning and Mystery of the Rose'. It's really quite beautiful.


	20. Preparations

**Chapter 20: Preparations**

Disclaimer: _sobs openly as Daniel, Elrohir, Aragorn, Faramir, Jack Sparrow, Will, Jack O'Neill, Rick O'Connell and Ardeth Bey try to comfort her_ 'But why can't I own it?!'

SHOUT-OUTS FROM THE PAST:

Star-Stallion: Yeah, I'm not sure where people get the idea of Thranduil being abusive. Distant, possibly, but not abusive. And I do wish PJ had gone into greater detail about Denethor's state of mind, like why he was going insane and what kind of power the palantir really had. But perhaps we'll see more of that in the Extended Edition. I know we BETTER see more of Faramir/Eowyn. Are you listening, Peter Jackson? ARE YOU? I WANT MY FARAMIR/EOWYN ROMANCE!! Anyway, thank you for the review, my friend. And I'm glad you liked that 'departed...again' bit.

* * *

"Well, that's the last one," Daniel said. Both Sam and Evelyn heaved sighs of relief. The last AFB was finished and they were profoundly grateful. Sam threw herself across Daniel's bed while Evelyn sank into a nearby chair. Daniel sat down next to Sam's prostrate form.

"What time is it?" he asked. He never kept track of time while he was working on a project. Neither did Sam or Evelyn.

"I have no idea," replied Sam, her voice muffled because her face was buried in one of Daniel's pillows. Daniel looked over at her and smiled before reaching out and tousling her short blonde hair affectionately. Evelyn's eyebrows shot up instantly. Were Daniel and Sam...involved?

"Stop that," came the muffled voice. "It's irritating."

"I know that. Why else would I do it?" he replied.

His only response was a playful growl. Daniel grinned at the back of Sam's head before turning to Evelyn.

"Well, they're all done. What do you think of them?" he asked, waving his hand at the pile of AFB's in the corner of the room.

"I think they're a wonderful achievement, Daniel. You should be very proud," Evelyn bit back a smile as she watched a blush creep up Daniel's neck.

"Couldn't have done it without the help of you and Sam," he said for what seemed like the hundredth time. "Thanks, by the way."

"You're welcome. I'm sure I was more of a nuisance than anything else, though."

Daniel shook his head. He knew for a fact that there was no way he and Sam could've done all these in this amount of time without Evelyn helping them. She was a quick learner and had proven invaluable to his project.

"No. You were a big help. Really. I can't wait for everyone to try these out tomorrow morning," he finished up, his face practically glowing with excitement. He loved it when one of his ideas worked well.

"Iiii mmph mplh mphm mmmph - "

"Try that again in English, Sam. I think you finally found a language I don't speak," Daniel interrupted, a highly amused look in his eyes.

Sam, after muttering something else, rolled over onto her back and repeated what she had just said.

"I said, 'I really liked the idea Evelyn had about marking the helmets for ID purposes'."

"Oh, yeah," Daniel agreed. "That was a great idea, Evelyn. It really made the whole thing come together. And you did a wonderful job with the symbols."

"Thank you," Evelyn blushed at the praise. She'd worked with many intelligent people during her lifetime. But she'd never been around anyone whose minds worked at the level Daniel's and Sam's did. She was very flattered that they thought her so capable. Especially considering what a simple idea the identification symbols were.

Evelyn had formed a system for the AFB's and, on the sides of what used to be Elven helmets, she had painted symbols for each person. For example, Rosie's AFB was painted with a rose, Diamond's was painted with, of course, a diamond. Arwen's AFB was marked with a wonderful painting of the Evenstar pendant, recreated with the help of Daniel's descriptive powers. For Celia's AFB, Evelyn had marked her friend's helmet with replicas of the tattoos that adorned Ardeth's face.

At the thought of Celia, Evelyn suddenly began to panic. What about Celia? What would this do to her? The blood practically drained from her face. Sam saw it as she began to sit up and she was instantly alarmed.

"Evelyn? Evelyn, what's wrong?"

"Celia," came the reply. Daniel and Sam exchanged confused glances. They dimly remembered Celia and Elizabeth bringing food up earlier. Nothing had seemed amiss.

"What will this do to Celia?" Evelyn asked, her expression panicked.

"I'm sorry, Evelyn, but I don't understand the problem here.

"Daniel, Celia is not a canon character. She's a product of fanfiction!"

Daniel's eyes went wide and Sam sat up, instantly alert.

"What do you mean? A product of fanfiction?"

"Yes. She was created by an author. But she was so real, so true to life, that she actually managed to be a part of our world. It was as if she had always been there."

Daniel closed his eyes for a moment, thinking about this. He had wondered who Celia was and how she figured into the lives of Anck and Evelyn, but he had been so busy with the AFB's that he hadn't had a chance to ask Evelyn about it.

"What do you think, Sam?" he finally asked, turning to his teammate. She looked rather troubled.

"I think we should go find Arwen," she replied. Daniel nodded in agreement and the three headed for Arwen's quarters.

"So you think this could be a problem?" Celia questioned. She was holding her AFB in her hands, examining it while Daniel told her what was going on. Evelyn and Anck stood on either side of her, with their AFB's in hand also. Arwen, Daniel, and Sam faced the trio.

"I think it is a potential problem," Daniel corrected. "And there's only one way to test my theory."

"You want me to put it on?"

"No. No, I don't want that. Not until I know it's safe. This is what I want to do. My theory is that, if you're susceptible to the AFB, then when Evelyn or Anck-su-namun put their AFB's on, they won't remember you. So, I want Evelyn and Anck to put their AFB's on right now, while you're in the room. We'll ask them who you are. If they don't know you, then I don't want you wearing an AFB. We don't know what could happen if you put it on."

"Wait a minute," Evelyn interrupted. "If we put these on and forget Celia, will it erase her from our memories completely?"

Celia looked disconcerted and Anck wore a look of sheer horror on her face at this thought. But Daniel shook his head.

"No. The AFB's are designed to block out fanfiction, not get rid of it completely. Once you take them off, your memories of Celia will return in full."

"You're sure about that?" Evelyn inquired.

"I've never been more certain about anything in my life," Daniel said reassuringly. That was enough for Evelyn, who trusted Daniel implicitly. She put her AFB on and Anck followed suit. Daniel waited for a moment, wanting to give the AFB's time to take effect. But he didn't have to wait.

"I know her," Evelyn said, grinning. "I know Celia."

"So do I!" exclaimed Anck. Celia smiled and, before anyone could stop her, she put her own AFB on. Nothing happened. Almost simultaneously, the six friends broke out into wide grins and started laughing about how nervous they'd all been.

"So why didn't it affect Celia?" Evelyn asked as she took her own ABF off again.

"Well, my theory is that Celia has just become so real that she _is_ real. Therefore, she is no longer in the classification of 'fanfiction characters'."

While Celia, Evelyn, and Anck all embraced each other, Arwen thanked Daniel and Sam again for all their help. And when all the hugging and 'mushy stuff' was over with, she gave all of them a simple task that was to be carried out by the afternoon.

* * *

"I suppose some of you already know why I have called you all to the council area. We have no time to waste, so I will not waste it by talking too much. I have decided to hold a special council right here in three days' time. A special council with other victims of fanfiction. Last night, I, along with Glorfindel, Celia, Anck, Anamaria, and Elizabeth, made a list of people to summon to this council. We are also asking these people to get the news out to anyone we may not be aware of."

"Who is on the list, Lady Arwen?" asked Gimli, who had decided to stay in Rivendell once he had learned that Legolas was gone, supposedly for good, to Mirkwood.

"Well, it is quite a long list, actually. Several of our own friends from Middle Earth will be here, including your husbands," here she looked at Rosie, Diamond, and Estella, "but there will not be anyone else here from everyone else's worlds. We are trying to get different worlds than those represented in the fellowship. Glorfindel, will you read some of the names off the list?"

"Yes, my lady. Word is being sent to a team known as the 'X-Men', four friends by the names of Hercules, Iolaus, Xena, and Gabrielle; a young wizard called Harry Potter; a young woman who goes by the name of 'Buffy' and is, apparently, a vampire slayer; a man who, for some reason, thinks he is a spider and so calls himself 'Spiderman'; and some people from a galaxy far, far away."

"That is only part of the list," Arwen said. "And we are assuming that these people will know of others that we do not. Combined, we will be able to rid the world of fanfiction forever. I have a plan, but it will be hazardous and very difficult."

"When has that ever stopped us?"

Everyone laughed. The question came from Rosie, who was still seething over the Legolas/Haldir episode.

"Fair enough, my friend," replied Arwen. "My plan is to visit these authors."

"All of them?"

"Yes, all of them. That is why we need more help. There is no telling how many crazed people are out there, obsessing over what they will write next, dreaming of new ways to torture us. We must stop them. Are you with me?"

"YES!!"

"Good! Then start making preparations. Our guests will be arriving in three days' time. Daniel, I need you and Sam to work on a way to get us to the writers. Evelyn, will you help them? And if the three of you need anything from us, just ask."

The three 'science geeks' merely nodded in agreement and headed for their 'lab' which was, of course, Daniel's room. The rest of the fellowship was soon busy with other preparations for what Arwen was calling the Council of Fanfiction Victims.

'Soon,' Arwen thought. 'Soon, there will be no more fanfiction in the world. And we can all live in peace for the rest of our lives.'


	21. A Violent Beginning

**Chapter 21: A Violent Beginning**

A/N: Not sure if I ever mentioned this before, but when I first wrote this story, my pen-name was '**Terreis**'. This is information you need. Trust me.

A/N FROM THE PAST! (sorry guys, but this one's gotta stay): Finally saw Harry Potter. Well, actually, I saw what was probably the first hour and a half of 'Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone'. It was on ABC last Sunday. But the whole thing took way too long and I got tired of all the stupid commercials. Sorry, but 'Lord of the Rings' and 'Gone With the Wind' are the only movies that I will sit still for four hours. Anyway, I know a little about some of the characters now. And I read a few fics in that section. Heavens above, what a mess! And I thought the 'Lord of the Rings' section was jam-packed with Mary-Sues and slash! I must confess, though, to being fond of a very strange pairing. Hermione and Snape. No, I don't understand it, either. But every fic I've read with the two of them, so far, has Hermione at the age of eighteen. At least it's legal. And I don't read smutty stuff. I'm thinking I like this pairing because I like anything that has to do with Alan Rickman. I LOVE Alan Rickman. Bad guy, good guy, romantic interest. He can do it all. By the way, the actual chapter won't start for a little while. If you don't want to read my special tribute or my shout-outs, just skip on down to that little green line.

Disclaimer: I'm depressed enough as it is, thank you.

SHORT SKIT: "Elladan, where are you going?"

"I am in search of maiden fair, dear brother. It is my appointed task to seek her out and make up for the fact that she has been neglected for so long. A grievous sin has been committed against her."

"What is this sin?" Elrohir inquired, falling into step beside his twin.

"You shall find out once we locate her."

For once content to follow, Elrohir said no more. It wasn't long before they met up with Aragorn and Legolas.

"Lady Terreis sent us out to seek a maiden by the name of 'Star-Stallion'. Do you seek her also?"

"I do. But why would she send the two of you when she has already sent me?"

"She was not sure which of us the maiden would prefer," Aragorn informed his foster brother. "I understand that Faramir, Boromir, and the hobbits will be joining us as well."

As if on cue, there was a great shout off to the left, followed by another shout, this one somewhat higher than the first. Pippin and Merry soon made their usual entrance by rocketing out of the nearby forest and hiding themselves behind Aragorn. The King of Gondor looked bemused for a moment until Boromir appeared next, breathing heavily, face flushed. An obviously amused Faramir followed him, along with Frodo and Sam.

"WHERE ARE THEY?!" Boromir raged. He started towards Aragorn, but the former ranger held up a hand.

"Boromir, I know not what our friends have done, but we have been given a task to complete. It would injure Lady Terreis greatly if we did not keep our word."

The elder son of the Steward wavered for a moment before finally giving in.

"I would sooner cut off my right arm than cause Lady Terreis grief. Very well. Let us be off then. The punishment of the hobbits can wait until after our quest is complete."

Two very audible gulps were heard behind Aragorn, but Boromir ignored them. The group continued on, finally coming to a small clearing in the forests of Rivendell.

"How wonderfully convenient!" exclaimed Pippin. "We did not have to search for long, did we?"

The Took was correct. Standing in the middle of the clearing was a young girl, no more than fourteen or fifteen. Her beauty was more than mere words can describe, so the author will not attempt to do her justice. Legolas was instantly entranced.

She stared at the group of elves, men, and hobbits, her eyes growing wider by the minute. What was going on here? It was Elladan who spoke first.

"Are you the lady called 'Star-Stallion'?"

The girl quickly found her voice as she looked into the grey eyes of the son of Elrond.

"I am known to some by that name. Others know me as Moon Star."

"I think Moon Star is a perfect name," breathed Legolas. The girl blushed and bowed her head.

"Friends, we have found her at last. Let us complete our quest."

The astonished Star-Stallion/Moon Star stood still as a statue as, one by one, each of them came up to her and gave her a delicate kiss on the cheek. Pippin, being Pippin, threw in a hug for good measure, which she joyously returned. And Legolas lingered a bit longer than the others, which she didn't mind at all.

"Lady Terreis has sent us all to give you her profound thanks, my lady," Faramir said.

"But what have I done?"

"Don't you know?" asked an astounded Pippin. "Merry, did you hear that? She doesn't know!"

"Yes, Pip. I heard. Clearly Lady Terreis has been more neglectful than we all thought."

Legolas stepped forward and bowed.

"You were the 100th reviewer, my lady. We have been sent to bring you back to Imladris for a great feast in your honor. I myself would be very honored if you would permit me to be your escort for the evening."

Star-Stallion definitely lived up to her name then because of the stars that appeared in her eyes. She practically melted as Legolas carefully threaded her arm through his and began to steer her away from the group, never once taking his eyes from hers. Elladan and Elrohir glared daggers for a while before taking off after them. Faramir and Aragorn, both of whom were already spoken for, shrugged their shoulders and followed. Frodo and Sam went after them, Frodo looking melancholy, Sam looking protective. But Merry and Pippin flew past all of them with Boromir hot on their heels, sword at the ready, yelling.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THOSE FREAKIN' ARROWS HURT?! DO YOU?! I DIED FOR THE TWO OF YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?! BY PAINTING MY SHIELD HOT PINK WITH WHITE DAISIES? HOW MANY TREE TRUNKS DOES A GUY HAVE TO GET STUCK WITH TO GET ANY RESPECT AROUND HERE?!"

As the trio raced past Star-Stallion, she looked at Legolas questioningly. He smiled.

"It is best to not ask questions in situations such as this, my lady. Rest assured the hobbits are in no immediate danger."

And so Star-Stallion relaxed and enjoyed the feast that was held in her honor. The 100th reviewer!!

SHOUT-OUTS:

Star-Stallion: So, do you like it? Huh? Huh? Did I do good? Sorry I didn't mention it sooner. I've been meaning to for, like, the past three chapters. Forgive me, please.

Fool of a Rohirrim_: singing_ You're my soul and my AFB inspiration Hm. Doesn't quite work, does it? Anyway, thanks again for the AFB idea. You're the greatest!

A.E. Hall: Yes, I thought Boromir might be a tad bothered by all the stories that have him alive and well. Personally, however, I enjoy a good 'Boromir lives!' story. And I have read a couple of good 'Denethor abusive' stories. I just wish PJ would've gone to a little more trouble with his character.

* * *

Only one day had passed, but several were already beginning to arrive for the council. The four friends from Ancient Greece had arrived first. Daniel, to his chagrin and everyone else's amusement, had gained another admirer in Gabrielle. In exchange though, the arrival of Hercules had effectively stolen Susan Pevensie's attention away from Daniel. Lucy, however, was still a follower of the archaelogist.

Eowyn and Xena had bonded almost instantly and could usually be found at the training grounds. And Hercules' friend, Iolaus, had managed to win the respect of the twins, Haldir, and Glorfindel with his superior hunting and fighting skills.

Next, four children had appeared, introducing themselves as Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, and Draco Malfoy. A man by the name of Severus Snape accompanied them. The Pevensies, apparently delighted with the arrival of more 'Brits' struck up conversations with Harry, Hermione, and Ron immediately. Draco didn't seem to be very inclined towards speaking with anyone and Snape, for the most part, kept to himself.

While the Harry Potter group was getting settled, the X-Men group arrived. This group consisted of Wolverine, Storm, Rogue, Professor X, Iceman, Cyclops, Mystique and a rather familiar looking man who introduced himself as 'Magneto'. The Middle Earth residents, however, were convinced that Gandalf had, for some reason, returned from the Undying Lands in disguise.

More were now coming in a steady stream. Arwen had guessed correctly about word spreading. People and creatures she had never heard of were entering Rivendell, all eager to rid the world of fanfiction.

Buffy had arrived alone at first, but a friend of hers called Angel came not long after that and the two had disappeared into one of the many hiding places Rivendell offered. A young man by the name of Anakin Skywalker arrived with a beautiful woman he called Padme. Luke and Leia Skywalker, who were apparently the children of Anakin and Padme, were also there, along with their friend, Han Solo. Things got a bit confusing after that, though. Two Obi-Wan Kenobis showed up, each eyeing the other warily. It got even more confusing when Padme kept being spotted with the younger Obi-Wan in what seemed to be almost intimate moments. But that was nothing compared to the scene that had erupted when two seemingly harmless men arrived in Rivendell.

At first glance, anyway, they seemed harmless. An odd pair, to be sure, but harmless. One had dark hair that fell in waves to his shoulders. He wore a grey tunic and black breeches with black boots and a red cape. Completing the costume was a large grey hat with one side of the brim turned up. On that same side was an exceptionally long feather.

His companion's clothing and appearance was far more outrageous. His hair was dark, but much longer than the other's. It hung down his back and was decorated with colorful beads here and there. A well-worn tri-corner hat sat atop his head, covering the red bandana underneath. He was rather dirty in comparison to the other, but still quite charming. Then again, Arwen knew all about 'rather dirty' men who were quite charming.

It was upon closer scrutiny that Arwen realized who the two men were. The first one looked exactly like...Legolas! From her vantage point on the balcony of her room, Arwen frantically searched for the form of Elizabeth, hoping she wouldn't find her outside. Her hopes were in vain.

Elizabeth **was** outside, heading straight in the direction of the two newcomers. Even worse, Elizabeth was not wearing her AFB! She seemed rather calm, though. Perhaps she had been able to work through her difficulties.

Alas, such was not the case. The simple truth of the matter was that Elizabeth had not seen Will Turner or Captain Jack Sparrow. But, the moment Arwen caught sight of Elizabeth, Elizabeth saw her two love interests. Arwen watched, holding her breath, as Elizabeth froze in her tracks, her body going rigid. She steeled herself against the inevitable hysterics the young girl was sure to go into. But they never came. After emitting one short, piercing shriek, Elizabeth Swann fainted dead away.

Luckily, Daniel had been close by and he caught Elizabeth before she hit the ground. Unluckily, particularly for Daniel, Will hadn't seen Elizabeth until after she had fainted. Therefore, what Will saw was the love of his life in the arms of a strange young man. And, since Will was inclined to be very protective and had been known to take 'rash actions', the first thing he did was draw his sword and hurl himself at Daniel.

Teal'c had been standing nearby as well and, upon seeing the direction Will was headed in, realized that his friend was in danger. The Jaffa neatly stepped in between Will and Daniel just before Will reached them. Unable to stop his charge, Will ran smack into the muscular chest of Teal'c and fell to the ground, dazed.

Jack Sparrow had been quite content to stay out of things until he saw Will on the ground. Being a pirate, he shouldn't have really cared about any of it. But Jack Sparrow was a different sort of pirate and he rushed to aid his friend. The fight had begun.

From her balcony, Arwen felt the beginnings of another headache as several others joined the fray. Colonel O'Neill joined in because it involved Daniel and he was almost as protective of his team as Will was of Elizabeth. Anamaria jumped into the fight just to get another chance to smack her captain across the face. Glorfindel passed by and tried to restore the peace, but wound up with a fist in his jaw for his troubles. This enraged Elladan and Elrohir, who joined without hesitation. Haldir couldn't allow people to think that Rivendell elves were better or braver than Lorien elves, so he joined as well.

Others besides members of the fellowship soon joined. Gabrielle, ever the peacemaker, tried to stop the fight, but was soon drawn into the brawl. Xena, seeing her friend in a fight, drew her sword and with a loud, 'Ai-yi- yi-i-yi-yi-yi-yi!' she launched herself into the air, landing in the direct middle of the group. Eowyn followed, only to see the warrior princess in real action, but wound up as a participant anyway.

In no time, nearly every newcomer to Rivendell was involved in the fight. Lightsabers flashed and 'whooshed' . Wands lit up the area. The air around Rivendell darkened as a storm began to brew. Lightning flashed. Wolverine's claws flashed. Several people were experiencing cold chills as ice mysteriously found its way onto the ground. And Arwen fell into despair.

She slowly began her descent down the stairs and towards the ever-growing altercation. With every step she took, she asked the Valar why they had seen fit to appoint her the head of such a task. Just before stepping outside, she was stopped by a hand. Whirling around, Arwen found herself facing Sam, Evelyn, Anck, Celia, the hobbits, Susan, and Lucy. Everyone else, it appeared, was involved in the skirmish outside.

"Even though you can be quite loud when angry, Arwen," Celia stated, "we decided that you would need something other than your voice to get your attention."

She indicated Sam who, with a grin on her face, held out Colonel O'Neill's beloved Beretta. Arwen stared at the weapon in disbelief.

"You want me to shoot one of them?" she inquired. And was immediately stunned when she realized her inner voice was having no problems with that idea.

"No, of course not," Sam explained. "Just fire it up into the air. It's very simple."

The queen of Gondor hesitated.

"I do not think I should handle it. Samantha, would you do it for me? You are much more familiar with the weapon." Arwen left unspoken the thought that temptation might be too much for her…

"If that's what you want," Sam agreed.

Arwen smiled her thanks and then continued on her way. The others followed.

The smaller, more peaceful group surveyed the larger, warlike group with irritation for a few moments before Arwen finally spoke.

"Go ahead, Samantha."

With what could almost be seen as glee, Major Samantha Carter lifted her CO's Beretta into the air and fired. It had the desired effect.

When the dust had settled, Arwen could see that, while no one was seriously injured, there were many cuts and bruises that would have to be tended to. That meant delays. Arwen hated delays. Everyone looked at her, most not knowing what to expect, but several knowing that they were in for it. But Arwen did not yell. She was surprisingly calm, although her voice was low and forceful. Those who knew her best were unnerved by this fact. They knew it meant trouble.

"I want to see everyone in the council area in two hours. Glorfindel!"

The golden-haired elf emerged from the crowd. He had a swollen jaw, a cut across one arm, and a rip at the knee of his clothing. Arwen shook her head in disbelief.

"Glorfindel, would you please summon Erestor and have him help you tend to our guests' injuries? Elladan and Elrohir will help as well."

"So will we," Celia and Sam said in unison. Arwen nodded at them in thanks.

"Oh, and I am sure Haldir would not mind sharing the healing secrets of the Lorien elves. Would you, Haldir?"

Haldir, looking even more miserable than Glorfindel and the twins, shook his head slowly. Arwen smiled sweetly. Too sweetly.

"I wish to see our two newest arrivals after they have been tended to. Are Captain Jack Sparrow and Will Turner conscious?"

"Aye, they're alive and breathin'. Unfortunately," Anamaria called out. Behind Arwen, the hobbits struggled not to laugh as the others fought smiles of their own.

"Oh, good. Anamaria, could you see that they get to the library in one piece?"

"Aye."

"Thank you. As for the rest of you, just stay where you are for now. We will get all of this sorted out when we gather in the council area."

Arwen turned to go, but Sam's words stopped her.

"Where's Daniel?"

Looking around, Arwen could see no trace of the archaeologist or Elizabeth. Just as she was beginning to get concerned, a voice came from above them.

"I'm here!"

Everyone looked up to see Daniel on the balcony of one of the rooms. The members of the fellowship realized it was the room Elizabeth and Anamaria shared.

"Daniel, are you okay?" Sam called up at him.

"I'm fine. Not a scratch. Things got so crazy that I was able to pick Elizabeth up and bring her up to her room without any one even noticing," Daniel turned away for a moment, looking back into the room, and then turned back to the crowd. "She's still out, though."

"What are you doing in her room?!"

The question came from, who else, Will Turner. His eyes blazed as he fixed them on Daniel. Arwen pursed her lips, but wasn't able to speak before Daniel fired his own little barb back.

"I plan to seduce her and show her what it's like to make love to a real man," he retorted, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Two short barks of laughter rang out, both belonging to men named Jack. Will started in Daniel's direction, only to be stopped by Anamaria. She was much stronger than she looked…

"Daniel, that's enough," Arwen chastised her friend, although she couldn't keep the amusement out of her eyes. She turned to Will and narrowed her eyes at him. "William Turner, I wish to speak with you immediately. Your companion can wait. Anamaria, will you bring him to the library now?"

"Aye."

"I'm not going anywhere until I know Elizabeth is safe and that man is out of her room!" Will declared. He jerked out of Anamaria's grasp and started towards the Last Homely House. Once again, he was stopped. But this time it was Hercules standing in his way. The son of Zeus looked down at Will, his arms crossed over his chest. Will scowled at him.

"I believe the lady wants to speak with you now, William," Hercules said in a low tone. His three friends exchanged glances. One of the things Hercules could not abide was for a man to ignore a woman. Will, unwisely, ignored the warning in the demigod's tone. He moved to step around him and Hercules moved to stand in front. They continued this strange little dance until Will, exasperated, finally gave in.

"FINE!" he yelled. He followed Anamaria in the direction of the library. Arwen, after thanking Hercules, went inside as well. Sam went up to make sure Daniel was alright and to help tend to Elizabeth.

* * *

"Well, it would seem that, no matter what color or length your hair is and whether your ears are pointed or not, you are destined to be the cause of trouble wherever you go."

"I beg your pardon?"

Will was very confused by Arwen's statement. She did not bother to answer him, however. Instead, she took a long look at his sword.

"What happened to your sword?" she inquired. Will scowled.

"I don't know. One minute I'm fighting with it and the next it just bent around into a loop. The same thing happened with Jack's cutlass."

Arwen kept her eyes on the mangled sword for a moment before returning to the situation at hand.

"William, I am speaking to you because of Elizabeth. She has become a good friend of mine and I will not have you or Captain Sparrow causing her grief while you are here. The poor girl is unstable because of all this fanfiction nonsense and you will certainly not be helping by rushing to her rescue every chance you get. For one thing, Elizabeth was not in need of any help this afternoon. Not from you, anyway."

"So she loves this man? The man that was in her room?" Will's face fell and Arwen felt a pang of sympathy for him. After all, he did really love Elizabeth. Even though he was far too protective of her.

"No, she does not love him. He is her friend, nothing more. What you saw was Daniel catching Elizabeth. She had fainted and he kept her from hitting the ground. As for what he said to you….I imagine he felt rather insulted that you would accuse him of….what you seemed to be accusing him of," Arwen finished lamely, not wanting to voice what Will's accusations had implied.

To his credit, Will looked rather guilty.

"I've been told that I'm rather inclined to rush into things by several people. I guess that's what I did this time."

"I would have to agree with you on that point, William," Arwen graced him with a small smile, endeavoring to make sure she didn't harbor any anger towards him. "If you and Captain Sparrow are to remain here, you will simply have to keep your distance from Elizabeth. Do not approach her. Do not speak to her unless she is speaking to you."

"Yes, Lady Arwen," Will replied, feeling like a schoolboy in a classroom.

"Now, I believe that Anamaria is waiting outside to take you and get those cuts tended to."

If there was anything Will Turner knew when he heard it, it was a dismissal. After apologizing to Arwen, he left the room and followed Anamaria to get his injuries tended to. Arwen sighed and sank into a nearby chair, but she wasn't able to find rest for long. Eowyn burst into the room, holding the sword that Faramir had given her as an anniversary present last year. It was Eowyn's pride and joy. And now it was a mess.

"Eowyn, what happened?"

"Look at my sword, Arwen!" Eowyn was practically in tears, which was quite a shock for Arwen. "How will I explain this to Faramir? How can steel simply tie itself into a knot?"

"I don't know," Arwen admitted, very perplexed by all the swords that were bent out of shape. A voice from the doorway caught the attention of both women.

"I believe I can explain it," said Professor X. He came into the room, followed by Storm, Rogue, and Gandalf. Well, the man who _claimed_ he wasn't Gandalf.

"This is the handiwork of my good friend," the professor said, looking up at Magneto. The evil mutant merely smiled in return. He had managed to get in quite a bit of fun during that fight. All over Rivendell, guests were finding their swords and even guns bent into all sorts of impossible shapes. And one very angry warrior princess was holding a piece of metal in the shape of a figure eight that _used_ to be her chakram.

"Well, then I finally _do_ believe you are not Gandalf," Arwen said, her tone that of an imperious queen. "Gandalf would _never_ play such a childish prank."

The smile quickly left Magneto's face, but the other three mutants seemed to find Arwen's comment rather amusing. Magneto was just plain annoyed by it.

"Don't worry, Lady Arwen," Professor Xavier continued. "Erik can fix them. Can't you, Erik?"

Magneto glared at the professor and it was Xavier's turn to smile back. Grudgingly, he finally admitted that he could.

"I would appreciate it if you did," Arwen stated matter-of-factly. Magneto merely nodded and stormed out of the room.

"Well. That went well," Eowyn said with false cheer. Xavier sighed.

"I apologize for my associate's behavior. He's been rather bored since our arrival. You don't have a great deal of metal around here and, during the fight, he was somewhat excited to see all that metal in one place."

"That is quite alright, Professor. No need to apologize," Arwen smiled again, pausing to wonder if her face was going to be stuck in these polite smiles for the rest of her life. "Now, if none of you mind, I would really like to get some rest before we meet in the council area."

"Of course, Lady Arwen," Xavier turned his wheelchair and made his way out of the room, trailed by Storm and Rogue. Eowyn stayed behind for a little while.

"Do you need anything, Arwen?" she inquired, feeling guilty for her own involvement in the earlier battle.

"Yes," Arwen sighed. "I need my head examined for ever thinking about doing anything like this."

"I guess I'll just leave you alone," Eowyn said. She tiptoed out of the room, closing the door softly behind her.

Once Eowyn was gone, Arwen laid down on a nearby sofa. She needed a nap.

* * *

A/N: Next chapter: The mini-council!


	22. The Quest Is Underway

**Chapter 22: The Quest is Underway**

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or the various movies/books I stole them from

A/N: When I first posted this story, I was rather stuck on this chapter. My dear friend, Mercury Gray, sent me a document which I used for this chapter and it hit my inspiration button. Thank you again for being such an amazing friend.

The movie 'Troy' had just been released when I originally wrote this. I thought about removing the segment, but I liked Jack O'Neill's reaction and advice too much to actually do it.

SHOUT OUTS….FROM THE PAST!:

Mercury Gray: Big thank you for giving me the initial inspiration for this chappie. And Boromir also thanks you for the lovely restoration job on his shield.

Star-Stallion: Glad you liked your little tribute. And I was particularly proud of that comment Arwen made. Thanks for noticing it. It's entirely possible you could be the 200th reviewer! I'm so close!

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After wounds had been stitched up, those who had been knocked unconscious revived, and all other matters of business had been attended to, Arwen began shepherding various characters into the large council area. At first, she didn't have too much luck, but once Sam began following her with Jack's Beretta, people seemed to get a little more motivated.

Finally, everyone was assembled. Members of the official fellowship, along with Erestor because everyone still felt bad about his purple hair, sat in the seats of the council area. Even Elizabeth was there, but she was heavily guarded. On either side of her sat Teal'c with his staff weapon and O'Neill with his beloved Beretta that he had finally managed to get back from Sam, with the understanding that it was to be returned as soon as the council was over. Hercules had made sure that Will Turner and Captain Sparrow were as far away from Miss Swann as possible.

Everyone else stood around the council area or sat on the ground. A few were in trees. But everyone had found someone to chat with. The council area buzzed with chatter, sometimes even laughter. Things turned deathly quiet, however, when Arwen turned from her conversation with Daniel and rose from what had once been her father's chair. The silence could be attributed to the nearly permanent frown that the Queen of Gondor had been wearing for the past several hours or the firing of the Beretta to regain control. Either way, Arwen had their attention. Taking a deep breath, she made the formal statement of their quest.

"Strangers from distant lands, friends of old. You have been summoned here to answer the threat of fanfiction. The canonical worlds you all live in stand on the brink of destruction. None can escape it. You must all unite, or you will all fall. Each world is bound to this fate, this one doom. Samantha, bring up the plan."

Sam nodded at Arwen, then turned her gaze to Storm, whose help had been enlisted for this part of the council. Immediately, the sky grew dark. Much darker than was normal even for a catastrophic storm. The chatter rose instantly as everyone grew worried. Sam brought everyone back to order.

"Please, remain calm. There's nothing to be worried about." There were sighs of relief heard all around. Sam reached into her pack and brought out her faithful laptop. Opening it up, she nodded to Daniel.

There was a slight whirring noise as the projector kicked to life. Severus Snape and his students had been more than happy to help with the procurement of this 20th century marvel and had also enchanted it so it would run without electricity. Daniel and Sam had hooked the projector and Sam's laptop together. So, as Sam typed, many in the council area saw for the first time what they were up against. Sam had brought up a website and the heading read 'fanfiction dot net'. There were oohs, and ahhs, at the picture projected at the large white sheet the twins had rigged up between two trees. As Sam clicked her way around, Arwen began to speak.

"This is one of the largest archives of fanfiction on the World Wide Web, a network of connections that make communication on the real earth faster. In this web page, as it is called, authors can put up their writing for critique by other authors."

She turned to look at her audience, who were staring at her, wide-eyed.

"There is a fanfiction section for every party represented here. Some have more than others. The current tally for our world, Middle Earth, stands at 45,738 stories archived. Some have more, some have less."

Sam clicked the link to 'Directory' and pulled up a long list in blue.

"These," Arwen went on, "are all the authors. We need to visit each and every one of them. Daniel, would you please turn off the projector?"

The projector clicked off, the storm clouds dissipated, and everyone just sat in stunned silence for a while. There were so many! So many people to visit! Could they do it?

"Is this really possible?" someone finally asked. No one could tell who it was, they were all so crowded together, but Arwen just tried to answer in the general area of the voice.

"I believe it is, yes. In our own worlds, all of us have been known to do things that are supposedly impossible. It seemed impossible to most that a mere hobbit could shape the fate of Middle Earth, but that is what happened in our world."

This statement was met with more silence. Arwen, deciding that 'question and answer time' was over, looked to Daniel, who began to sort through a box of manila folders. The folders had also been procured with the help of those from the world of Harry Potter.

"Daniel has files for everyone and I ask all of you to form a single line. Each folder contains the works of two authors. Everyone will receive three folders to begin with and you will all be separated into groups of five. This way, each group will have a mission of thirty authors. When you are done with those authors, report back here. Erestor and Glorfindel will be here to give you your new missions. At some point, my group will be here as well to tell you when we will rest."

"How long will this take, luv?"

There was no mistaking that voice. Elizabeth, though she was wearing her AFB, shuddered slightly, but gave no other indication of hysterics. After making sure her friend was alright, Arwen turned her attention to the pirate.

"First of all, Captain Sparrow, I am not your 'luv'. Secondly, I am not sure how long this will take. It all depends on how willing these authors are to cooperate."

"No offense about the 'luv', luv. I call everyone that. Well, except for Will. He's a eunuch, you know. You should hear him sing sometime."

"Jack! I am not a eunuch!"

"Just keep telling yourself that, mate. Just keep telling yourself that."

The imminent swordfight between pirate and, um, pirate was stopped only by a sudden commotion on the outskirts of the crowd. Like the Red Sea, people began to part. Arwen soon found herself face to face with yet another dark- haired incarnation of Legolas. Before she could speak, though, he spoke up first.

"Greetings, Lady Arwen. I am Paris of Troy. These are my companions. Achilles, Odysseus, Menelaus, Briseis, and my love, Helen. We are sorry to arrive so late, but we have only recently begun having trouble with this fanfiction and did not hear of this council until a few hours ago. My lady, I fear that we are in for a horrible time."

"Truly? And why is that?" Arwen inquired, trying not to stare at Odysseus. He looked terribly familiar.

"They have made a motion picture of our story. At least, they have made an interpretation of our story. We have experienced fanfiction before, but things are getting worse. Apparently, my role is being played by a terribly popular young man by the name of Orlando Bloom."

Several groans could be heard and Jack's voice rose above them all.

"Tough luck, mate."

"You speak the truth, Paris of Troy," Arwen agreed solemnly. "You are indeed in for a horrible time. Helen? You are his love?"

"Yes, but she's my wife," Menelaus spoke up, his voice edgy. Arwen glared at him.

"I do not believe I was addressing you, my lord. Helen?"

"Yes, Lady Arwen. I love Paris very much."

Arwen pursed her lips together.

"Fanfiction would cause you great heartache, I am afraid. You would find yourself replaced by another in Paris' affections, or you would fall in love with someone other than him, leaving the path clear for Mary Sues and slash. Yes, all would end in tragedy for you if this fanfiction goes unchecked."

Helen looked confused.

"But all _did_ end in tragedy for me, Lady Arwen. Paris was killed and I was forced to return home with my husband. I lived the rest of my life without love."

Everyone stared at the woman, interested by this turn of events. Arwen looked over at Paris.

"This is true? You were killed?"

"He was not the only one, my lady. I, too, was killed," Achilles spoke up. "By Paris, actually. Briseis died as well. Odysseus was not able to return to his kingdom for ten years."

"How horrible!" exclaimed Arwen, sitting back down in her chair and giving her full attention to Achilles.

"Oh, that isn't anything compared to my brother's fate," Menelaus said. "Before we went to retrieve Helen from Paris, my brother sacrificed his daughter so the gods would smile upon us on our journey. When he returned home, his wife killed him."

Arwen stared at Menelaus, her mouth hanging wide open.

"Wait a minute. Let me get this straight," Colonel O'Neill interjected. "In your lives, nearly everyone dies, no one gets a happy ending, and fathers are killing their daughters?"

Six heads nodded in unison.

"Well, it seems to me that your world might be better off _with _the Mary Sues and the slash."

Everyone glared at the colonel, but the only stare that had any effect on him belonged to Sam. Sighing, he shook his head.

"Alright, alright. Sorry. Didn't mean anything by it. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't, I guess."

Arwen turned her attention back to the six newcomers.

"You are welcome to join us in our quest, of course. We could always use more help."

"Thank you, Lady Arwen."

Paris bowed, and the others followed suit. Arwen smiled, then cleared her throat.

"Well, now that is settled. I need everyone to begin forming a line. Pick up your folder from Daniel, then proceed to this small table here. I will be sitting here and will be taking your names. From here, please go over to Glorfindel and Erestor. They will give you your group assignments. Each group has a number. There are two hundred groups altogether. We will be trying to represent a variety of worlds in each group, so it is highly improbable that you will be with people you know very well. Glorfindel will be appointing the leader of each group, based on what the fellowship has seen since your arrival. That leader is responsible for the other four members of the group. If I hear of anyone not following the orders of their leader, that person will be dealing with me. Is this understood?"

A chorus of 'yes' immediately went up. Most of the people there had seen Arwen when she was angry and that same number of people did not care to see it again. Even those who had arrived during the 'recovery' hours had heard the story by now and were fairly certain they were lucky to have arrived _after_ the fact.

"Good. Well, let us begin."

Arwen took her place at the small table with quill, ink, and parchment. The rest of the fellowship, minus Daniel, fanned out to ensure that everyone was falling into line properly. Colonel O'Neill, in particular, was good at this part. Occasionally, his voice could be heard above the rest, yelling at someone to get back into line.

Once people grew accustomed to the drill, things started moving quicker. Two hours later, Arwen looked up from her list to find that they had gone through more than half the line. She turned to her right and saw Glorfindel and Erestor quickly sorting people into their groups. Things were beginning to go smoothly. Looking back down at her list, she dipped her quill back into the ink, held it over the parchment, and asked the one word question she had grown so accustomed to.

"Name?"

"Should I tell her the truth?" asked a masculine voice. "Or only give her my first name?"

"Maker's Breath, Alistair," came the exasperated response, the voice clearly belonging to a woman. "You really need to start making your own decisions."

"But it's so much more fun to let you make them for me, my dear."

Arwen looked up and blinked at the sight of the group in front of her. A man, four women, the shortest elf she had ever seen in her life, a dwarf that suspiciously resembled Gimli, a very big dog, a rather large stone statue, and a…giant? Or perhaps just a very tall man.

"Is it broken?" the statue inquired, staring at Arwen. She must have gone very pale upon hearing the statue actually speak because the majority of the group suddenly looked very concerned. The oldest of the women, a lady with gray hair wearing a figure hugging green dress, came forward and discreetly held a hand out towards Arwen.

"Take long, slow breaths, young one," the woman instructed, her voice low and comforting. Arwen wondered briefly if the woman had any idea just exactly how old she was. But she was soon distracted by a pale blue aura that suddenly surrounded them. Almost immediately, she felt her nearly shattered nerves began to calm. As the aura began to dissipate, one of the other women turned to the statue and Arwen recognized her voice as the one she had heard earlier.

"Shale, what did I tell you about speaking in front of strangers? It throws them off-balance."

"It is not my fault I am unique," the statue…Shale responded. But he…she?...it gave a small nod and subsided into silence. The woman turned back to Arwen.

"I apologize. Shale is quite harmless. She's a golem. I imagine there aren't any of those in Middle Earth."

Arwen could only shake her head as the older woman finally stepped away from her, apparently satisfied with whatever she had done. She took a moment to really study the group, now that she felt so much calmer. They all appeared to be warriors of a sort. Aside from Shale and two of the women, they were all wearing some kind of armor.

"My name is Lesley Cousland," the woman continued. "This is Alistair," she indicated the tall blond man next to her, "Wynne," the older woman who had stepped forward earlier, "Zevran," the elf, who swept an elegant bow, "Leliana," a woman with short red hair, "Sten", the giant, "Morrigan," a dark-haired woman who barely wore anything at all, "Oghren," the dwarf, "of course you've met Shale. And this is Phideaux," the large dog barked happily and then proceeded to roll around on the ground.

It was quite a lot to take in at once. They were certainly a formidable group. Alistair carried what looked to be a terribly sharp sword, along with a shield. Arwen could see the hilts of two blades above the shoulders of both Lesley and Zevran. A longbow was strapped to Leliana's back. Oghren carried a war-axe nearly as big as himself and Sten was in possession of a sword that might have been even longer than Anduril. Wynne and Morrigan both carried long staffs with distinct shaping at the top, leading Arwen to correctly assume that they were similar to Gandalf's wizard staff. Shale and Phideaux, obviously, did not carry any weapons. Although she noticed that Phideaux was marked with some type of white paint. A type of rune?

"Where are you from?" she finally asked.

"Ferelden," Lesley answered, clearly the leader of the group.

Ah. Yes, she remembered Glorfindel saying something about Ferelden. As she began writing the names down, the group talked amongst themselves.

"Thank the Maker we're finally here," Alistair spoke up again. "I can't wait to get rid of this fanfiction. Especially the slash."

"Oh come now, my friend," said a voice that Arwen assumed was Zevran. She couldn't imagine Sten having such a rich accent and charming tone. "I rather enjoy some of those stories. It's the only time I ever convince you to join in some…fun."

Arwen raised her eyebrows. Zevran enjoyed slash. That was a first in her experience.

"Zevran, don't tease the poor lad," Arwen recognized Wynne's voice joining in the conversation. "Why don't you just turn your attentions to Leliana? I think the two of you would make a charming couple."

"Or perhaps Leliana could just join Alistair and myself?" Zevran seemed intent on scandalizing his companions.

"Ha! I've no desire to expose myself to any disease you might be carrying," Leliana retorted, her own accent very different from Zevran's. "You'd have more luck seducing Morrigan."

Arwen finished writing and looked up just in time to see Zevran fix his gaze on Morrigan and open his mouth. The woman's strange yellow eyes narrowed slightly before she spoke.

"Do not attempt to even speak the words, elf. 'Twould be the last time you ever open your mouth."

Zevran, surprisingly, relented. Arwen got the feeling he didn't do that very often.

"Thank you for helping us out," Arwen directed her statement towards Lesley, who smiled and nodded.

"I know listening to us talk doesn't inspire much confidence," Lesley admitted. "But believe me when I say that we'll come through for you."

Oddly enough, Arwen did believe it. And she found she would also like to get to know the young woman who stood in front of her. There was a story here. Perhaps after everything had been settled…

"I trust you," Arwen assured her. She studied the group for a bit before scribbling something on a scrap of paper and handing it to Lesley. "Give this to Glorfindel. It's my recommendation concerning your groups. I believe it might be best if all of you remained together. Or split into two groups?"

Lesley nodded.

"I'll take Morrigan, Shale, Zevran, and Phideaux. Alistair can lead the others. If that's alright with you."

It certainly didn't look as though it was alright with Alistair. Although Arwen wasn't sure whether it was because he didn't like the idea of the group splitting up…or because he didn't care to be separated from Lesley. She had noticed exactly how close the two of them stood together. He didn't seem inclined to speak up, though, so Arwen nodded in agreement. With final thanks, Lesley led her crew over towards Glorfindel.

Arwen watched them go, shaking her head. It certainly did take all kinds. Eowyn came up, settling herself in the empty chair next to Arwen. She followed the queen's gaze and said the only thing that came to mind.

"Interesting group?" she inquired.

"You have no idea," Arwen actually smiled at Eowyn, which cheered the handmaiden up immensely.

Turning back to the task at hand, Arwen took up her quill again and repeated the familiar query as soon as she saw the shadow fall across the table.

"Name?"

"Frank Hopkins, ma'am."

Something in the voice made Arwen look up and she blanched. The man's eyes immediately grew concerned and he reached out towards her.

"Are you alright, ma'am?"

"Hm? Oh. Oh, yes. Yes, I'm fine. I do apologize. You just remind me of someone. I really was not expecting to see him here today and you caught me…off guard. No need for concern, but thank you."

The man nodded, tipped his hat and moved on. Arwen stared after him until Eowyn nudged her.

"Arwen. Arwen!"

"Hm? Oh, Eowyn. I am so sorry. What did that man say his name was?"

"Frank Hopkins, Arwen. You wrote it down. It's right there in front of you."

"It is?"

Arwen looked down at the parchment and laughed softly.

"Oh, yes. Here it is. Frank Hopkins. How strange. Well, let's get back to work then."

"Yes. Let's do that," Eowyn agreed.

Half an hour later, as Arwen finished taking down the next name, she turned to Eowyn again.

"He is rather handsome, isn't he?" she inquired. Eowyn looked at her friend, puzzled, then looked at the man walking over to Glorfindel.

_"Spock?"_ she inquired, turning back to Arwen, her eyes wide with disbelief.

"No. Who is Spock, Eowyn? I am talking about Frank Hopkins."

Eowyn rolled her eyes.

"Yes, Arwen. He is. But can we get back to the job at hand?"

"What? Oh. Oh, yes, of course. I am sorry."

Arwen went back to taking names and Eowyn watched her carefully.

_'We really need to get back to Minas Tirith soon,'_ she thought to herself. _'But I'm not too sure that Aragorn will be able to handle her when we get there.'_

TWO HOURS LATER

"Is there anyone here who has not found their group?"

No response.

"No one is by themselves?"

Again there was silence.

"Good. Now, here is what will happen. Professor Severus Snape is standing right over there."

Arwen pointed and the professor, uncharacteristically, waved at everyone.

"Each group, in numerical order, will go over to Professor Snape. He will give you one of these."

Sam, standing next to Arwen, held up a small, smooth stone.

"These stones are very important," Arwen put emphasis on the last two words, not caring in the least bit that she sounded like she was talking to a four year old. "The professor, along with his four students, has managed to enchant these stones. Each leader will appoint a 'stone carrier' for their group. Now the stone carrier has a very important job. They will breathe upon the stone, say the name of the author they wish to be taken to, and the stone should take you directly to that author. My brothers tested this out earlier today and had no trouble at all. Now, and this is very important, everyone has to be touching the stone carrier in some way in order to be taken along. If you are not touching the stone carrier when the name is spoken, you _will_ be left behind. It is very important that you all stay together. Do not, under any circumstances, leave your group. We do not have time to waste looking for wayward team members. If everyone is ready, start making your way towards the professor. Beginning with Team 1."

Elrohir led Team 1. He led the group towards the professor and took the stone. Then he handed that stone to a young girl by the name of Anne Shirley. After looking uncertainly at it for a moment, she breathed upon it and read the name of an author off the paper in her other hand. Instantly, the group of five was gone. Gasps could be heard all around. Then, just as suddenly, the group appeared again.

"There now," Arwen tried not to let her relief show too much. "See? It is all quite simple. All you have to do when you want to come home is say, 'Fanfiction Fellowship'. Thank you for demonstrating, Elrohir."

Elrohir nodded, then gave the signal to his stone carrier and the group was gone once again.

"Very well then. Team 2!"

**ONE HOUR LATER**

"Well, it seems we are the last group left."

Arwen looked at the other members of her team. She had been getting to know them during the past hour and was very pleased with their potential. There was Rogue, Helen of Troy, and another young girl by the name of Kate. Arwen had learned that Kate was a metalworker of sorts who made armor for a knight by the name of William Thatcher. Last, but not least, there was Diamond. The three female hobbits had been placed with other members of the official fellowship to ensure they stayed out of trouble. Estella was with Teal'c's team and Rosie was with Celia's. Each hobbit had been designated as a stone carrier.

"I guess we need to be off then," Arwen said. She turned to Rogue, who was holding the first three folders.

"Who is our first stop, Rogue?"

"Well, it says here that her pen name is 'LadyDeb1970'."

"Indeed. And what sort of fanfiction does she write?"

"A rather eclectic group, it seems. She appears to have a weakness for stories about 'The Mummy', though."

"Interesting. Well, I suppose it is time for us to pay her a visit. Rosie, will you do the honors, please?"

The hobbit nodded, breathed on the stone, said the name, and the group vanished instantly. Glorfindel and Erestor were left alone in the space that had once held so many people. After a few moments of silence, they met each other's gaze.

"It looks like it is just the two of us, Erestor. For a little while, anyway."

"Yes, it looks that way."

There was an awkward silence. Then...

"How long do you think it will take before someone returns?" Erestor inquired.

"Oh, at least a few hours," was the response.

More silence.

"Want to go rig up buckets of water over Elladan's and Elrohir's bedroom doors?" Erestor asked.

It was an old gag, used for centuries by the twins themselves. But it was the first time Glorfindel and Erestor would have the chance to pay the sons of Elrond back in such a way. Glorfindel grinned.

"What are we waiting for, Erestor? Let's go."

**MEANWHILE, IN OUR WORLD**

Lady Deb was just switching on her computer when a sudden movement caught her eye. Turning around, she was astonished to find herself face to face with Arwen Undomiel.

"Hello, LadyDeb1970."

Deb shook her head, trying to make sense of it all. She must have finally seen 'The Fellowship of the Ring' one too many times. Her friends had been telling her for months that she was too obsessed with those movies. Now she wished she had listened to them. After staring for a few more moments, she closed her eyes and muttered.

"It's all in my imagination. I've been working too hard and this is the penalty. It's all in my imagination."

Satisfied, she opened her eyes, expecting the room to be empty again. To her dismay, Arwen was still there. Not only that, but she was joined by four others. And one of them was a hobbit!

"C-can I help you?" she finally managed to stutter. Arwen smiled, hoping to catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

"I am so glad you asked, LadyDeb1970. There is something you can help us with, actually. But let me introduce you to my team first. This is Rogue, Kate, Helen, and Rosie. And I am Arwen."

"It's nice to meet all of you," Deb replied, thinking what a strange dream this was. Any moment, she would wake up. Wouldn't she?

Arwen's eyes flickered over the computer screen. Obviously, Deb was working on one of her stories. The Queen of Gondor skimmed the contents, recognizing the name of Evelyn's husband, Rick O'Connell. So this author was working on a fanfiction story. Well, that would soon stop.

"Several of us have formed a group to fight an evil that threatens our very existence," Arwen didn't bother to extend the small talk. "We are on a quest and I hope you will do all you can to help us."

"I'll do my best," Deb responded. She wondered what this quest was. Suddenly, everything was feeling much more real to her.

"Good. LadyDeb1970, it is our wish that you stop writing fanfiction."

Deb stared at Arwen for a moment before bursting out in laughter. She laughed long and hard until she realized that she was the only one laughing. Sobering quickly, she took in the expressions on their faces.

"You're serious, aren't you?"

"Serious as a heart attack," Rogue spoke up. Deb was dumbfounded. Stop writing fanfiction? Why couldn't they ask her to give up something less important? Like eating or breathing.

"How would that help you to fight this 'evil that threatens your very existence'?" she inquired.

"Fanfiction IS the evil that threatens our very existence," said Rosie. Deb fought the urge to laugh. How could fanfiction threaten someone's existence? It was all make believe anyway. Wasn't it? Then again, if it was all make believe, then why were five characters from different works of literature and film standing in front of her right now?

"How does it threaten you?" she asked, unable to contain her curiosity.

"I, for one, do not enjoy having my husband declare his love for anyone other than me," came the response from Arwen. Deb couldn't really find fault with that reasoning. "And I am growing very tired of his constant injuries and brushes with death. After all, I am mortal now. As an elf, I was able to deal with stress easily. But being mortal is another matter entirely."

Deb looked down at the floor and began to massage her temples with her fingers. Here came another headache. What should she do? Deb thought quickly, trying to come up with an answer to this problem. There was no way she could give up fanfiction. It was impossible! A thought suddenly struck her and she turned her gaze back to Arwen.

"So how many of you are there, anyway? I mean, there are obviously characters from all sorts of fanfiction. Have you banded together to fight fanfiction?"

"Yes. There are a thousand of us right now," Arwen answered cautiously. She didn't want to give away too much, but at the same time…she didn't see what harm it would do. "But we expect our number to grow soon. More will join. We are visiting each author from fanfiction dot net to make this request."

"You do realize that not everyone will agree, don't you?"

"I have been able to accept that fact, but we intend to get rid of the majority of our problem. Our sanity depends on it. Why, poor Elizabeth Swann is on the verge of losing her mind!"

Deb considered this for a moment. She was forming an idea in her head, but there was no reason for her to inform Arwen about it. After a minute or so, she began to nod.

"Very well, then. I agree to stop writing fanfiction."

"You do?" Arwen was surprised.

"Yes, I do. On one condition. That you let me finish and post this chapter. I'm getting ready to finish the last part, dealing with Rick, Evelyn, and Celia. Besides, it's my birthday. Can't I wait until my birthday is over before I give up my favorite thing?"

But Arwen was still dealing with the 'Celia' part.

"Celia? As in Celia Bey? You created Celia Bey?"

"Yes. I guess you could say that."

Arwen bit her lower lip in concentration. She was quite hardened by now, but she wasn't completely heartless. She decided to accept Deb's condition. After all, it was the woman's birthday. And besides, this was the creator of Celia Bey, who was one of the nicest people Arwen had ever known.

"Agreed. I have your word that you will stop writing?"

"You have my word."

"Good. Well, this went very smoothly, LadyDeb1970. And for that, I thank you. But we have 29 more visits to make, so we should be off. Rogue, who's next on the list?"

"A seventeen year old girl from Manchester. She's written three slash fics involving Elladan and Legolas, two slash fics involving Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, four Mary Sue fics dealing with either Boromir or Faramir, and one shameless self-insertion alternate universe with Aragorn."

Arwen's eyes flashed at this bit of information.

"She sounds like a challenge. Rosie, take us to her please. Thank you again, LadyDeb1970."

"Don't mention it."

Rosie breathed on the stone, read the name off the paper Rogue was holding in front of her, and the group disappeared. Deb stared at the empty spot for a moment and then turned back to her computer. After connecting to the internet, she began to compose her e-mail.

'_Terreis, we have a problem_.'

**MEANWHILE**

"Where are we again?" Lucy inquired.

"In the southern region of the United States. We are in the home of a young lady by the name of Mercury Gray," replied Daniel. He was the leader of Team 7, which contained Lucy, who was the stone carrier, Hermione Granger, Frank Hopkins, and a young man by the name of Christian. Christian had arrived with a beautiful young woman, Satine, and was proving, so far, to be a very pleasant person indeed.

"What type of stories does she write?" Hermione asked. Christian, who held Mercury's folder in his hand, looked down and skimmed it once again.

"Mostly Lord of the Rings, it seems."

"Maybe she isn't home," Frank volunteered. The room did seem rather empty. Just as Daniel was about to suggest that they come back later, a key turned in the door.

Mercury came in, carrying a bundle of school books. They all found their way to the floor quickly, though, when she saw the five people standing in front of her. Daniel grew concerned as her face paled.

"Please, don't be scared. We aren't here to hurt you, we just want to talk with you. I'm Daniel Jackson. This is Lucy Pevensie, Hermione Granger, Frank Hopkins, and Christian. We just need to speak with you and ask you a few questions."

Mercury stood for a while longer, not really certain of what she might have accidentally inhaled or ingested that might be causing this hallucination. There was that store she had been in earlier that afternoon that had just received a fresh coat of paint, but she doubted that would have a hallucinogenic effect. And she had only had a soda and a grilled cheese sandwich to eat today. So, unless the soda had been spiked, this was obviously a very real event. Numbly, Mercury made her way over to the chair at her computer and sat down.

"I realize this is a shock for you, Mercury Gray, but we're here on an important errand," Daniel pressed ahead, knowing they had many more writers to visit. "All of us, under the leadership of Arwen, Queen of Gondor, are attempting to put a stop to a particular evil."

"Arwen is your leader?" Mercury asked, finally finding her voice.

"Yes."

"Is Lord Boromir also helping you with this quest?"

"Excuse me?"

"Lord Boromir? Is he helping you?"

Daniel was puzzled until he took a second glance at Mercury's file. Aha. Now her question made sense.

"No, I'm afraid not."

Mercury frowned for a moment, but cheered up as she took in the undeniably handsome faces of the other three men. They weren't Boromir, but they would do.

"Well, that's okay I suppose. Now, what is this quest and why are you here to talk to me about it?"

"I'll just get right to the point, Mercury Gray. This quest is to wipe out the threat of fanfiction. We are here to ask you to stop writing fanfiction."

Mercury didn't handle the news quite as well as Deb had.

"Have you lost your minds? Stop writing? That's just impossible! It's insane! You might as well ask the Earth to stop rotating on its axis."

Daniel felt that was a bit exaggerated, but didn't say so.

"I understand you like writing fanfiction, but the stories are playing havoc with our worlds. You must understand this."

"But I love writing fanfiction. I love the characters I write about. That's why I write about them! Don't you see? It..."

She was cut off by a beep from her computer. Looking over at the monitor, she saw that she had just received an urgent e-mail. From Terreis. That was unusual. With a lightning fast click, she read the brief message.

'_Don't give them problems. Just agree. I'll explain later_."

Well, that was bizarre. But if Terreis had a plan, Mercury was willing to trust her. She turned back to Daniel.

"Okay. If it is that important, I promise to try and keep myself from writing fanfiction. I can't promise that I will be able to do it, but I can promise I will do my best."

For Daniel, this seemed fair enough. The girl truly did seem to love writing fanfiction and most of her works were relatively harmless. Her sudden change of heart gave him an odd feeling, but there were still 29 more authors to visit. And countless more after that. For now, her promise would be sufficient.

"Thank you, Mercury Gray. Now, if you'll excuse us, we have more to visit."

Mercury watched as Lucy breathed on the stone, said a name, and the group disappeared. Still a little dazed, she turned back to her computer and began to type out a reply.

_'What in the name of the Valar is going on here, Terreis? And you better have a good explanation, mellon nin.'_

**_TBC_**

* * *

**_A/N: _**The group from Ferelden is from the video game Dragon Age: Origins. It is awesome and amazing and even if you don't play it (or any games at all) you should look up a summary on Wikipedia because it's really a great fantasy story all on it's own. Lesley Cousland is a character of my own design for a Dragon Age story I am working on. All the other characters mentioned are companions in the game.


	23. The International Conference

**Chapter 23: The International Conference of Fanfiction Authors**

Disclaimer: I am pathetic.

SHOUT-OUTS…FROM THE PAST!:

Athena Diagon Cat: Erestor's blowing you kisses. I think he may be just a teensy, weensy bit tipsy on miruvor wine. Oh, well. The idea behind this is that Arwen, in her quest to bring sanity back to Middle Earth, may be taking things just a bit too far. And we'll be dealing with that later on.

Julia: I had a wonderful Memorial Day weekend. Thanks for the well- wishing. And you recognized Kate! Thank you! I wondered if anyone would recognize her. Personally, I think Jocelyn should've been pushed right out of that little balcony of hers so Kate and Will could realize they loved each other, get married, and have lots of little good-looking babies. And, if you look at the 'Knight's Tale' section on this site, you'll see that several people seem to agree with me.

Amara: You never know what could happen if you start writing fanfic. I mean, look at me. I had a normal life up until a year ago. Now, I have twin elves searching for a disk that two mischievous hobbits stole and hid. Not to mention the fact that Aragorn and Faramir have started showing up at my place whenever they have a fight with Arwen or Eowyn. And Daniel Jackson is being held prisoner-ahem!- I mean staying at my house permanently. Not exactly normal anymore, but I love it.

VOICE FROM BEDROOM CLOSET: 'Help me! Help! Jack! Sam! Teal'c! Anyone! Please help!

Oh, do be quiet, Daniel. I'm only doing this for your own good. This way, we won't have to worry about you dying again and being replaced by – BLECH!- Jonas Quinn!

Violet: I always imagined that Arwen would be one of those types that was incredibly organized. She'd have to be, I think. And I simply _had_ to bring the Troy people in. Orlando Bloom is too much of a target to be ignored. The poor guy.

Rem-chan: WOW! Great review! Yeah, I've seen a couple of female slash in this section, but the 'Xena' section, predictably, is overrun with the stuff. I've even seen a few MPregs, mostly involving Aragorn/Legolas. Odd. Very odd. Not to mention biologically impossible. Turned into an animal? Nope, haven't seen that, but I'm sure it exists. I'm definitely sure, however, that no one in the LoTR section has ever been turned into a teapot. Hmmmm. Maybe that could be a challenge for me. I'm so glad you're enjoying my fic and I hope you'll keep reading.

Estel-rules: I thought you'd like Frank Hopkins in there. And, yes, Hidalgo rules.

* * *

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''LORD ELROND'S STUDY

For the time being, things were quiet in Rivendell. All but three teams had returned, eaten, and started resting up for the next day. The three teams missing were led by Jack O'Neill, Eowyn, and Anamaria. The fellowship, minus the aforementioned three members and Elladan and Elrohir, who had only just returned with their own teams, were gathered in the study of Lord Elrond. Daniel, due to acclimation to military life, had taken to calling the room 'Fanfiction Fellowship Central', which had promptly been shortened to 'FFC'. And FFC is what it shall henceforth be known as.

The room had a relaxed atmosphere at the moment. There was only slight concern for the teams who had not yet returned. All three leaders in question were more than capable of handling any type of dangerous situation. Sam was sitting on a sofa, with Daniel sitting on the floor in front of her. Their position was raising a few eyebrows. Daniel's head was currently laying back in Sam's lap and Sam was massaging his temples. Evelyn, observing them, was firmly resolved to ask Sam later just _which_ male member of her team it was that she liked.

Diamond, Estella, and Teal'c, the most unlikely trio since the Three Amigos, were huddled in a corner, participating in a whispered conversation. This made Haldir, the only male elf present, rather nervous and he kept fidgeting, wishing Elladan and Elrohir would hurry up. Peter and Edmund had a splendid game of chess going which Caspian watched when he wasn't looking at Lucy wistfully who, in turn, was directing her wistful glances towards Daniel. Susan kept watching the doorway, hoping for a glimpse of Hercules. Celia and Anck were discussing their respective teams in low tones, careful not to say anything out loud just yet. At least not until Arwen was ready. They didn't want to disturb her.

Because Arwen, for the first time in days, looked relaxed and refreshed. All her team's missions had gone surprisingly well, there had been no major mishaps, so far, involving the other teams, and she had just returned from a long, luxurious bubble bath. Arwen loved bubble baths.

Right now, she was standing by the fireplace, staring into the flames. It was quiet. It was peaceful. Everything was as it should be. Rivendell knew calm once more.

"ERESTOR!"

"GLORFINDEL!"

The two shouts sounded simultaneously. Everyone in FFC started at the sound. Everyone except Arwen. She merely closed her eyes, surrendering to whatever torture was to be wrought now upon her already frayed nerves.

No one had to wait for long to find out the reason for the yells. Just as they had yelled simultaneously, so did the sons of Elrond appear in the doorway of FFC. No, not the sons of Elrond. The wet, dripping, soaked, and terribly angry sons of Elrond. Everyone in the room just stared at them for a moment, stunned into silence. Wet, angry elves looked something akin to wet, angry cats. Perhaps it had something to do with the pointed ears. This comparison seemed to jump into everyone's minds at the same time, because everyone began to snicker at the exact same moment. Even Haldir, who could normally be quelled by 'The Look', which both sons had inherited from their father, hid a smile behind his hand as the brothers glared at everyone.

Arwen, though slightly less vocal than the others, was nonetheless amused by her brothers' appearance. She hid her chuckles admirably as she spoke.

"Tell me this, my brothers. If you desired to go for a swim, why did you not wait until your clothes were _off_?"

Elrohir glared at his sister, but she didn't flinch.

"Do not make such idiotic statements, Arwen. It is most unbecoming for the daughter of an elf-lord."

"And it is most unbecoming for the son of an elf-lord to stand on the threshold of said elf-lord's study, dripping water all over the floor," she returned, unable to keep a slightly biting tone out of her voice in spite of the fact that she was teasing. "Yet, wonder of wonders, here one stands. Not only that, but his brother stands beside him. Really, you two should know better."

"It was Glorfindel and Erestor," Elladan growled, his stormy eyes scanning the room for the aforementioned co-conspirators. Of course, Glorfindel and Erestor were not advisors to Lord Elrond because they _lacked_ intelligence. As soon as they had seen the twins return, they had high-tailed it for a hiding place they had used as elflings, long before the twins were either born or thought of. Elladan and Elrohir had no hope of finding them.

"They are not in here, as you can see," Arwen continued. "Now, the two of you should go get dried off and changed into some clean clothes. Then meet us back down here. There is much to discuss."

"Not now, Arwen. We have to find those two foul excuses for friends."

Arwen rolled her eyes.

"There will be plenty of time for that later, Elrohir. Right now, this is more important."

"But Arwen..."

Elrohir got no further. 'The Look' may not have worked coming from the twins, but it certainly worked coming from Arwen. The brothers slunk off, mumbling under their breath about elf lords and revenge. Arwen gave a small sigh of relief and turned back to the fire, pausing to take note that Daniel and Sam had traded seats before losing herself in the flames once again.

The peace was shattered again all too quickly, but this time it was not a shout from _inside_ the Last Homely House. It was coming from the gardens.

"I'LL KILL HIM! I SWEAR I'LL KILL HIM! LET ME GO!"

This demand was followed by a string of expletives which the author, due to her own religious beliefs, will not repeat. But it certainly helped identify the owner of the voice. Only one man could use foul language in such creative ways.

"It would seem that O'Neill has returned," Teal'c spoke up as he rose from his seat. The other two members of SG-1 got to their feet as well. It was obvious that O'Neill was furious. And when he was furious, only one person could deal with him. Well, it actually took two, but Daniel wasn't sure they would need Teal'c to hold their CO back this time.

Led by the other three members of SG-1, the fellowship made its way to the gardens. O'Neill was there, along with his team and Hercules who, besides displaying an uncanny ability to be in the right place at the right time, was, surprisingly, having a little bit of trouble holding O'Neill back from the object of the colonel's fury. _Not_ surprisingly, Herc's friend, Iolaus, was having very little trouble holding back said object of fury, which was none other than William Turner. As Teal'c went to help the son of Zeus, Daniel Jackson made his approach. He'd known O'Neill longer than anyone else. Therefore, the task of calming the colonel fell to him.

"Jack?" he ventured. O'Neill did not respond. "Jack?" he tried again.

His response was a rather frightening sound that resembled a growl.

"What have you done now?" Daniel demanded, turning to Will, who had a bloody lip.

"Me? Me? I haven't done anything. It's this idiot of a team leader we have that messed everything up."

Daniel took a step towards Will, not even aware of the fact that his fists were clenched. No one would be insulting Jack in front of him and get away with it. But the diplomat in Daniel won out over the warrior.

"How about taking this from the beginning?" he asked, keeping his tone low and unreadable.

Will started to reply, but Celia stepped forward and cut him off.

"Why don't you and I go inside, Mr. Turner, and get you calmed down? Iolaus, would you mind coming with us?"

"Gladly," was the hunter's response. He was glaring daggers at Will. The three of them, under Will's protests, went inside. With Will gone, O'Neill began to calm down. Both Teal'c and Hercules relaxed a little and finally released the colonel completely. Daniel went up to his friend and stared him straight in the eye. The years had taught him that this was the best way to deal with O'Neill.

"Jack?"

"Daniel?"

Acknowledgment was always good. Daniel pursued the matter.

"What's going on here? What happened?"

But Jack ignored Daniel and turned instead to Arwen.

"Arwen, I realize this mission is important and I understand that I might be disappointing you when I say this. But Will Turner cannot remain on my team. Not if he wishes to live a long, healthy life."

"What happened, Colonel O'Neill?" Arwen inquired, genuinely puzzled by the whole thing.

"He whined. He whined all day, Arwen. Nonstop. All I heard was whining. And Long John Silver here didn't help matters much."

He indicated another member of his team which, to everyone's surprise, turned out to be Jack Sparrow.

"What in the name of the Valar are Will Turner and Jack Sparrow doing on the same team?" Arwen wondered out loud. She was corrected quickly.

"That's Captain Jack Sparrow, luv. Savvy?"

"Yes, yes, yes," Arwen replied with a dismissive wave. She didn't even pay any attention to the fact that the pirate had called her 'luv' again.

"The point is," she continued, "that everyone should have been split up better than this. Haldir?"

"What do you want from me? It was not my job to assign the teams," the Marchwarden blurted out.

"I realize that, Haldir. All I want from you is a favor. My father's old room is being used to house all the paperwork for this mission. On the second shelf of his bookcase, there are the files for all the teams. Glorfindel and Erestor put them together. Colonel O'Neill's file should be number eight. Will you get it for me?"

"Yes," Haldir replied, thankful that was all she was asking from him. He wondered briefly if there were any positions in the court of Gondor for a Marchwarden. Lord Celeborn was rather demanding.

Arwen turned to O'Neill. She had one more question.

"Colonel O'Neill, did you give Mr. Turner that bloody lip?"

"Um-no, Lady Arwen," Hercules stepped closer to the group. He had apparently been waiting for just this moment to tell Arwen what had transpired. "Colonel O'Neill didn't have anything to do with that. I'm afraid that was Iolaus."

Arwen looked at Hercules, stunned. She hadn't seen Iolaus display too much of a violent temper, yet.

"Iolaus?"

"Yes. I'm sorry about that. But Will called Iolaus a few choice things involving his height and, well, Iolaus doesn't take too well to people who do that. I tried to stop him, but I had my own hands full."

He indicated the colonel with a glance and O'Neill grinned somewhat sheepishly.

"Sorry 'bout that," he mumbled so that only Herc could hear him. The demigod's eyes twinkled a little, but he gave no other indication of hearing O'Neill's apology.

"Well, it seems I'm no longer needed here so, if you'll excuse me, I'll just go make sure Iolaus isn't trying to kill Will. He's still pretty upset."

"Don't get in too big a hurry about it," O'Neill called after him. Herc's only response was an over-the-shoulder wave.

"Well, Captain Sparrow," Arwen said, turning her attention back to the pirate, "it looks as if you will be reassigned tomorrow. You _and_ Mr. Turner. For the time being, I suggest you go and get some rest. And do not even contemplate arguing with me. You are in enough trouble as it is."

For the first time in his life, Captain Jack Sparrow was thoroughly shut up. He went inside without a word, followed by the other two members of Colonel O'Neill's team.

"That was fun," Peter said, the sarcastic note in his voice hard to miss. Arwen sighed.

"We all need to get back to FFC," Daniel announced. He glanced quickly at Sam, who seemed to know instinctively what he wanted. She immediately went over to O'Neill and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Let's go get you cleaned up, sir," she said. O'Neill raised an eyebrow, doing a perfect imitation of Teal'c, and Sam smacked him upside the head.

"OW! Geez, Carter! What the heck was that for?"

"For having impure thoughts about a fellow officer. You know what the regulations say. Now, march!"

To everyone's surprise, the colonel did, indeed, march. Sam followed closely on his heels. Eventually, the rest of them made their way back to FFC.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''LATER

It took nearly an hour for the entire fellowship to gather together. Eowyn and Anamaria, unlike O'Neill, arrived without incident. Once they were all present, Arwen asked for a report from each team leader.

"My team hardly had any problems at all, Arwen," Daniel said. "Virtually everyone we talked to agreed right away."

"Same here," Sam agreed.

This seemed to be the general consensus for everyone. The Pevensies and Caspian, though they hadn't been team leaders, reported that all their teams had experienced the same thing.

"There were very few who fought us on the matter," Teal'c reported.

"I am sure, Master Teal'c, that there are very few people who would fight _you_ on any matter," Elrohir spoke up from his corner. Everyone smiled and Teal'c inclined his head towards the elf.

Arwen pursed her lips together. Something didn't fit. Oh, it was wonderful that no one, with the possible exception of O'Neill, had experienced any unpleasant authors. But it set off some warning bells in Arwen's head.

"I feel as though we were being lulled into a false sense of security," Elladan said suddenly. Arwen met her brother's gaze and began to nod slowly.

"So do I, Elladan. Something is not right, but I cannot put my finger on it. I feel as though we were being manipulated in some way."

"You don't think they'd join forces and fight back, do you?" Celia inquired. Arwen shook her head.

"No, surely not. They are not capable of joining forces. Did you not see those so called 'flames' on some of the stories? These authors are like the orcs, picking each other apart and beating each other down. How could they unite?"

"I don't know, Arwen," Eowyn stated. "For every 'flame' I saw on some of those stories, there were a dozen or more positive reviews. Some of these authors appear to have very close friendships."

"Nonsense," Arwen replied. She refused to believe that her plan would not work. It _had_ to work. The future depended on it.

"Let us not speak further on this matter," she finally announced. "Let us lay out plans for tomorrow. There is still the task of reassigning Mr. Turner and Captain Sparrow. Will any of you take them?"

There was silence. No one really minded Captain Sparrow, really. In fact, he was rather funny at times. But Will Turner was proving to be rather...irritating.

"Will isn't usually like that," Elizabeth said suddenly. Everyone turned to her in surprise. Had she just spoken that name without an adverse reaction?

"I'm sure his earlier behavior had something to do with a story," she continued, unfazed by their stares. "So many of these authors make him out to be a whining little boy. But he isn't like that all. He's very kind, and brave, and compassionate."

"Aye," agreed Anamaria, nodding slowly. "That is more like the Will Turner I know."

"Put him on my team," Daniel volunteered. "I guess Jack can take Christian."

"Does he sing all the time?" O'Neill asked. Daniel rolled his eyes.

"I have yet to hear him sing, Jack. You'll like him."

"Alright. Deal."

"I will take CaptainJack into my team," Teal'c volunteered. "O'Neill, you are welcome to choose which one of my team members you want."

"Thanks, buddy."

Arwen blinked, surprised by how fast it had all been taken care of.

"Well, I guess that is all, then," she said. "I suggest that we all go get some sleep. Oh, one more thing. If any of you run across Glorfindel or Erestor, tell them I wish to see them."

"So do we," her brothers said.

"No," Arwen's tone left no room for any arguments. "No, you can settle this matter with Glorfindel and Erestor _after_ our quest is complete. Until then, you must stay focused on the matter at hand. Do you promise this?"

"Yes, Arwen," came the meek replies.

"Good. Now, I am going to get sleep. I hope the rest of you do the same. Meet me here when the sun rises tomorrow morning. There is still much to be done."

She left and, one by one, the other members of the fellowship followed her. Predictably, Daniel, Sam, and Evelyn were up the longest. They had become involved in a discussion about adjustments to the AFBs. And, also predictably, Celia and O'Neill showed up later on to drag their friends back to their bedrooms.

:;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;MEANWHILE

In New Zealand, there was a meeting of the minds taking place. Why New Zealand? Well, partly because the author has always wanted to go there and partly because any fan of the LoTR movies knows that New Zealand is the only place in our world that comes close to resembling Middle Earth. Of course, it doesn't hurt when one considers the fact that a good percentage of the cast in the movies comes from New Zealand or Australia.

But that's neither here nor there at the moment. The important thing is that Terreis, Mage of Tales, proud resident of the United States of America, beloved wife, daughter, and sister, and caretaker of Pepper the cat had called this conference. A conference of fanfiction authors, to discuss the various strange happenings and the consequences thereof.

Of course, in real life, the number of fanfiction authors attending this conference would probably never all fit in the beautiful, but small, country of New Zealand. Not to mention the fact that the very idea of such a gathering is highly improbable, due to finances and the like. However, since the author has disregarded all sense of reality in this fic so far, she will continue to do so without any hesitation. In short, everyone was gathered, everyone (even the flamers) was getting along, and everyone wanted to know what the heck they were doing there.

Terreis stood on the top of a mountainside which suspiciously resembled Edoras. In point of fact, it was the same site Peter Jackson had used for the Edoras set. And Terreis was beginning to sympathize with the cast and crew who had been on that set for so many weeks and months. If there had been any doubt in her mind before, there was none now. Not one wind machine had been used for the outside shots in Rohan.

"Blast this wind!" she yelled in frustration. Well, she tried to yell it anyway. Unfortunately, it came out sounding something like, 'Blast mffss mmmph,' due to the fact that, as soon as she opened her mouth, her hair immediately entered it. Terreis was quickly gaining a new and deeper respect for Miranda Otto.

Luckily, someone produced a rubber band, which Terreis used to hold back her thick mane of glossy, auburn hair. This revealed her incredibly expressive grey eyes, which contrasted sharply with her milky white skin...

Right. Sorry.

With her hair secure, Terreis started the meeting. A hush fell over the crowd as she began to speak, because Terreis' voice was musical, hypnotizing, and enchanting.

OKAY, OKAY! I'll stop.

"My friends, you have all been called here for a specific purpose. We are faced with a choice. Many of you have learned, personally, why this conference is taking place. Others of you have heard through word of mouth, and still others are here because they suffer from incurable curiousity. Whatever the reason, I call upon you now to heed my words."

"Several characters from the land of Middle Earth have teamed up with characters from other fandoms to fight fanfiction. Apparently, our stories are having quite an effect on their lives. I, for one, am rather proud of this, but they seem to be tired of it. They have taken it upon themselves to put a stop to their problems by requesting that we stop writing fanfiction."

A stunned silence fell over the crowd. Stop writing fanfiction? Was such a thing possible?

"What do you suggest we do?" someone finally asked. Terreis, being the author and, therefore, all-knowing, addressed the unidentified person by name.

"I'm very glad you asked that, Last But One Evenstar. I propose that we agree to their request without fighting them on it."

This was met with another stunned silence, followed by angry shouts.

"You expect us to give up fanfiction?" Triple A Club questioned.

"Have you just completely lost your mind?" Fool of a Gondorian demanded.

They were all yelling. Viola, Angeliol, Estel-rocks, ADC, Moon-Stallion, Noaka. The list went on and on. Terreis could hardly think for the noise. Once upon a time, these authors had been her friends. Now, they had turned against her. She wondered briefly if this was how some of the characters felt when someone wrote an angst fic. It was the uprising of the fanfic authors. Terreis screamed to regain control. It worked.

"Thank you," she said, hoarsely, as silence descended once again. "Now hear me out, my friends. We will agree to their plan for one reason and one reason only. It will work against them."

"Forgive me for asking, but how will giving them what they want work against them?" inquired A.E.H.

"Just trust me on this. They want us to stop writing, so we'll stop. Believe me, it won't last for long. In the meantime, we can do other things. Watch our dvds, wait for a release of the movies that will include bloopers in the special features, see how many Orlando Bloom sites there really _are_ on the web. We've got the whole summer."

"You mean it'll last for the whole summer?" Ram-chen said in disbelief.

"Yes, I think that's a distinct possibility. But there is also the possibility that it will only last a couple of weeks. I'm not positive. But please, I'm asking you to trust me on this. It will all work out for the best. When you receive a visit, and you will, just resist a little before finally giving in. And be sure to be somewhat sulky about it. We don't want them to know that we're planning on something. In fact, it wouldn't hurt for a few of you to flat-out refuse and threaten the characters before finally giving in. A day may come when the characters of fanfiction will defeat us, but it is not this day. This day, we fight!"

"Um, Terreis?"

"Yes Nethphys3?"

"We're not fighting. We're kind of...giving in."

"Oh. Yes. Right. Well, we're fighting in a way. You'll understand soon enough. Now, is everyone with me!"

"YES!"

The chorus of voices echoed across the globe, shaking the very foundations of the Earth, and causing the people of California to wonder if 'The Big One' had finally come.

"For Fanfiction!" cried Terreis.

"FOR FANFICTION!" came the echo.

"FORTH, EORLINGAS!"

This was met with silence. Terreis looked around, realizing that there wasn't really anything to go 'forth' to.

"Oh. Right. Well then, go home. And remember. Agree to their request."

And thus the first International Conference of Fanfiction Authors came to a close. The authors milled about for a while, getting to know those they had only contacted via computer before today. Finally, as the sun set, the last author returned to their home. And there were many broken hearts that night, but they agreed to their visitors' request. After all, Terreis had said it would work. And, since she was the author of this particular story, they trusted her implicitly.

* * *

A/N: All names of the authors at the ICFA are variations of several reviewers from when this story was originally posted. The Last Evenstar's fake name was inspired by one of my favorite Monty Python sketches, 'The Last But One Supper'. You can see it on 'Monty Python: Live at the Hollywood Bowl'.


	24. Saying Goodbye

**Chapter 24: Saying Goodbye**

Disclaimer: Nope. You can't make me say it.

SHOUT-OUTS…FROM THE PAST!:

Belphegor: Unfortunately, Arwen is too far gone by this point to care about good authors and bad authors. Fear not, it will all be straightened out soon. Probably in the next two chapters. And I HAVE read Miss Cam's story. Both of them, in fact. And loved every minute of them. They were hysterical. I just wish I could be in OFUM. Oh, well. Thanks for your review. It was more than proper and very much appreciated.

LadyDeb: I'm glad I made you so happy. Yes, I realize Celia's expertise lies in being a peacemaker and I figured she would be the best one to calm the tension between Iolaus and Will. You are correct. Will is NOT whiny. That's why I wrote Elizabeth saying all that. Despite her fragile state of mind (which is, by the way, improving) she does love him very much. It only makes sense that she would defend him.

YET ANOTHER A/N: VERY IMPORTANT! Hello again! This chapter is not particularly funny because it is mostly transitional. The chaos will be returning in the next chapter, but, as you can see from the title, this chapter is about saying goodbye. And goodbyes are not happy things. Well, unless you happen to be saying goodbye to Sauron or something like that.

* * *

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''Three Weeks Later

"Alright, people! Dismissed!"

Jack O'Neill headed for the FFC as soon as his little team had dispersed. His brown eyes glittered with excitement. Boy, would they all be surprised by his news or what? This was great! Of course, it did have one drawback. O'Neill had become friends with all the members of the fellowship and deep in his heart was the realization that he would miss them. But more importantly, at this moment anyway, was the fact that he had missed his hockey and baseball games. Of course, he had tried teaching the residents of Middle Earth the finer points of baseball, at least. But he had given up when Elladan, enraged by Haldir's call of 'OUT!' after the eldest twin slid into home, had started a fight with the Marchwarden that ended in two swords being drawn.

O'Neill shook his head to clear _that_ pleasant little memory and continued on his way. He knew he was the last one back. He was _always_ the last one back. This, of course, was due to the fact that O'Neill had made the grave mistake of selecting Paris of Troy from Teal'c's team to trade for Captain Sparrow. The result was usually an attack of a rabid fangirl wherever they went.

Luckily, since he was the last one back, that meant he wouldn't have to repeat this little tidbit of news. Granted, it was good news, but O'Neill _hated_ repeating anything. As he made his way into The Last Homely House, he met Glorfindel, who was on his way out.

"I wouldn't leave just yet, buddy," O'Neill said. "You'll want to hear this."

And then he just kept walking. Glorfindel stared at the retreating colonel for a moment before sighing and following him. He had long ago given up any hope of understanding anything these days.

Just as O'Neill had suspected, the members of the Fellowship, minus the three hobbit lasses, were all in the FFC enjoying a little bit of relaxation. Rivendell was in chaos, make no mistake about that, but it was organized chaos and, therefore, the organizers of said chaos were able to take a break now and then.

O'Neill marched right up to Arwen, who was sitting on the hearth of the fireplace. She was flanked by Eowyn and Celia. Both the other women looked up, but Arwen gave no indication of being aware of O'Neill's presence. After a few seconds, which was usually how long O'Neill's patience held out, the colonel spoke up.

"That's it."

Arwen, who had been reading one of Gabrielle's scrolls, glanced up from it to find Jack O'Neill standing over her, his brown eyes twinkling just a little.

"What do you mean?" she inquired.

"I mean that's it. We're done, finished, fini, rifinito, acabado, beendet."

The Queen of Gondor stared at Jack, puzzled by his behavior. Not to mention his strange words. Evelyn happened to be passing by at that moment and she looked surprised as well.

"Why, Colonel O'Neill!" the librarian exclaimed, obviously impressed. "I didn't know you spoke so many languages!"

"Yeah, well. If you hang around Space Monkey over there for as long as I have, you're bound to pick up a few bad habits."

He indicated Daniel, who was on the other side of the room, with a wave of his hand. Daniel scowled and made a customary reply.

"Don't flatter him too much, Evie. He just knows a few words here and there. Despite evidence to the contrary, his head isn't big enough to retain too much knowledge."

Evie and Arwen exchanged amused glances. They were quite used to Daniel's and O'Neill's little displays by now. Jack just scowled right back at Daniel before turning his attention back to Arwen.

"What I'm saying, Arwen, is that we've visited every author in our records."

"Are you sure?" Arwen's brow furrowed slightly, indicating her surprise at the news. "So soon?"

"'So soon'?" Jack repeated. "It's been three weeks! How long did you think it would take?"

"Well, sir," said Samantha, who had been playing chess with Edmund, "the logistics of this mission seem to imply that three weeks is a rather short time to complete it. This was a large undertaking and, even though we had close to a thousand people helping us, the sheer ratio of fanfiction authors to characters is.."

"Carter?" O'Neill cut in.

"Yes, sir?"

"Techno-babble."

"Right. Sorry, sir."

"What's going on in here?"

They turned to see Diamond, Estella, and Rosie enter the room, followed closely by Pippin, Merry, and Sam. The three hobbit heroes had turned up in Rivendell just a couple of weeks earlier, with the excuse that they were worried about their wives. But Arwen was fairly certain that Pippin and Merry also wanted to have a little bit of fun.

"Apparently," Arwen addressed the six hobbits, "our quest is over. Colonel O'Neill has informed me that we have visited every fanfiction author there is to visit."

"Really?" inquired Pippin. He seemed somewhat disappointed. Evelyn hid a smile. She had grown quite fond of Pippin almost immediately after meeting him. Although the hobbit was a war hero and a husband, he managed to remind Evelyn of her son, Alex. Very inquisitive, determined to find out as much as he could about everything.

"Yes, really. In spite of your remarks, Colonel O'Neill, I am very surprised that we have completed our quest so quickly. I really was not expecting it."

"Well, it's true. So...what do we do now?"

And silence reigned in the FFC. Arwen pursed her lips. She had never really thought about what to do _after_ the mission was complete. They had really accomplished things with such ease that Arwen was caught slightly off guard. Granted, there had been a few little mishaps. Though she had been upset about said mishaps at the time of their occurrence, Arwen couldn't keep from smiling as she thought back on them.

There had been several occasions when frightened teams were chased by fangirls. The many incarnations of Legolas, for instance, had been particularly vulnerable. This only went to prove that Arwen had been right to keep the Mirkwood elf out of the quest. Then there was the time when some kooky girl, who went by the name of Visionstrifer, had been visited by Haldir's team and had promptly launched herself at the Lorien elf, screaming something about 'Fresca' and electrical outlets. Haldir had refused to come out of his room that night, but at least Visionstrifer had finally agreed to stop writing fanfiction.

The male members of the fellowship had experienced more than their fair share of obsessed fans. Daniel, for instance, had barely escaped from the clutches of some crazy woman by the name of Terreis. She had insisted that the archaeologist belonged with her and that, if he went back to his world, she was afraid he would get killed again and then she'd have to put up with Jonas Quinn. Luckily, Will Turner had finally proven himself to the fellowship by rescuing his team leader. Arwen wasn't entirely sure _how_ the blacksmith-turned-pirate had managed it, but she had heard rumors about rum and a bonfire. Apparently, Will paid more attention to Captain Jack Sparrow then he let on.

Elladan had returned to Rivendell one night, covered in lip prints and looking exceedingly embarrassed. Elrohir's team had been put out of commission for two whole days after a slash writer had whispered into his ear about some of the plans she had for him, thereby putting the son of Elrond into a state of shock.

But it wasn't just the females. There had been a few male fanfic writers that made no secret of the fact they were attracted to the women of the fellowship. Because of the way she had been portrayed in the movies, these writers obviously thought that Arwen was a bit of a weakling. To be fair, they had no way of knowing that she could be almost as deadly as Eowyn was. Well, they knew now. Eowyn had her admirers as well, but most of them were aware of the fact that she could probably slit their throats at a moment's notice. Therefore, few of them acted on their emotions. Anck, Evelyn, and Sam had been left alone for the same exact reason.

Despite these little snags, the quest was a success. All the writers had agreed, eventually. Some of them had been quite a bit more cooperative than others, but it had all worked out in the end. No one had been seriously injured. At least not that Arwen knew of. After only a week of visiting the authors, characters had begun to feel the tension of fanfiction leaving their minds. And the past two weeks had gone by without any occurrences at all. It was heavenly!

"Arwen? Arwen, have you been listening to me?"

The Evenstar shook herself and looked at Eowyn, who was watching her queen with concern.

"Oh, I am sorry, Eowyn. I was...thinking. What did you say?"

"I said we should call a conference first thing tomorrow morning. That way, we can let everyone know that the mission is complete."

"I still say it was too easy," came Daniel's voice. The other members of the fellowship were very much inclined to agree with him, but they were all so happy about the prospect of no more fanfiction that they didn't really care about the ease with which their mission had been accomplished.

"Very well, Eowyn," Arwen agreed, determined to brush aside the concerns she shared with Daniel. "Why don't we do this? At first light tomorrow, everyone needs to start waking our guests up. I suppose we will have the council in the same area as the first one. Just tell people to spread the word. I am sure that will get everyone there. For now, however, I am going to sleep. Especially if I have to get up at dawn."

Arwen swept out of the room and it wasn't long before the rest of the fellowship trickled out as well. No one said anything for the rest of the night.

Daniel was awakened by a sharp rap on his door. Groaning, he managed to tumble out of the bed and stumble through the darkness. When he opened the door, Jack O'Neill stepped in. And he brought a big, bright light with him. Daniel groaned again, put his hand over his eyes, then felt his way over to the bed where he fell face down on the mattress and proceeded to hide his head under the pillow.

"Whatcha doin', Danny-boy?" O'Neill inquired, apparently unconcerned that he had just interrupted his friend's slumber. Daniel answered, his voice muffled.

"Jack. What...do...you...want? It can't be dawn already."

"Course it isn't. I just wondered what you were up to. Are those…hieroglyphs on your boxers?"

Daniel ignored the last question. His left hand let go of the pillow long enough to shoot out and grab the watch that was sitting on the nightstand. He raised his head, looked at the time, then hid under the pillow once more.

"Jack, it's two o'clock in the morning. I do not _want_ to be up to anything. In fact, I don't want to be _up_, period."

"DanielJackson?"

The archaeologist groaned again as Teal'c's unmistakable voice carried through the pillow.

"O'Neill. What have you done to DanielJackson?"

"I haven't done anything. You know Daniel's always grouchy in the morning."

"It is _not_ morning," Daniel interjected, more than a little annoyed at this point. "At least, it isn't morning in a sane world."

"Since when have you ever been part of a sane world, Daniel?"

Well, O'Neill had him there. Daniel just grunted in reply and gave no indication of removing the pillow. Then...

"What's going on in here? Oh. Hi, Teal'c. Sir."

"Hey, Carter."

"Alright! That's it!"

Daniel stood up and, in the interest of modesty, grabbed a nearby shirt to throw on.

"Would the three of you tell me what the heck you're doing in my room? What's going on? Am I surrounded by some sort of magnetic field or something?"

The three other members of SG1 just stood there for a minute, not really wanting to say anything. When one of them finally spoke, it was the last thing Daniel had expected to hear. Especially considering the source.

"I think I'll miss them," O'Neill said softly. The irritation that had been all over Daniel's face was quickly swept away.

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed. Sam just nodded and Daniel sighed before sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Come on, guys. You knew we'd have to go back home someday."

"Yeah," O'Neill agreed. "But we didn't know how much we'd like all these people. And, let's face it Danny-boy. We're never gonna see 'em again."

Daniel couldn't deny that this thought hadn't crossed his mind. Part of the reason he had been so cranky when O'Neill woke him up was because he had only managed to fall asleep a half-hour before that. He didn't relish the thought of saying goodbye, either.

"We've managed to say goodbye before, though," Sam finally said, her military background beginning to display itself.

But this was different and they all knew it. The team of SG1 sat in Daniel's room for the rest of the night, not really wanting to think about saying goodbye and not being able to think about anything else.

"This is just as bad as when Aslan sends us back home from Narnia," Edmund groused.

"No," Peter replied. "It's worse. At least then there was always a chance we would come back. I don't think we'll be coming back here."

"And this means I'll be having to say goodbye to the four of you again," Caspian put in from his corner of the room. Susan and Lucy's bedroom had turned into a gathering place that night, much like Daniel's had. Both girls sat on their bed, along with Edmund, while Caspian was sitting in the only chair and Peter, as he had been known to do when faced with a problem as High King, paced the floor.

"But I don't want to say goodbye," Susan declared. Peter glared at her.

"None of us wants to, Su. But we have no choice. It's just like Narnia."

"I'll miss them all," Lucy said quietly. "Especially Daniel. He was so nice to me."

She missed the crestfallen look on Caspian's face.

"Couldn't we just ask Aslan to send us here every once in a while?" Susan inquired. The others stared at her in shock before Peter finally answered her.

"You know as well as I do that we can't do that, Susan! One doesn't go around asking favors of Aslan. Besides, you know what His answer would be. It's always riddles with Him and none of us is ever able to figure out what they mean until long afterwards. We'll just have to buck up and say our goodbyes."

"I hate goodbyes," Lucy whispered fiercely. No one was surprised to see a tear running down her cheek. It was well known that Lucy always felt things deeply. Peter suspected that was the reason she was so close to Aslan.

Edmund put a comforting arm around his sister and she leaned into him, allowing herself to cry freely. Peter set his jaw. As the oldest, he automatically felt defensive of his siblings and it was in his nature to be a protector anyway. It always hurt him to see one of his sisters or his brother in pain. He exchanged a glance with Caspian from across the room and saw the same thing in the other young man's eyes.

"It's almost enough to make you wish we had never come," Edmund finally said. Susan started to nod her head in agreement, but Lucy pulled away from him and looked at him with wide eyes.

"Oh no, Edmund," she breathed. "That's close to saying you wish we had never gone to Narnia. After all, it's nearly the same thing, like you said. It hurt to leave Narnia and it hurts to think of leaving our friends here. But don't you remember? When we were back in our own world, we realized we wouldn't trade any of our adventures in Narnia for anything. I have the feeling it will be the same way with this adventure."

Edmund smiled a little. That was Lucy for you. Always looking on the bright side. Peter seemed to feel the same way.

"Lucy's right. Here we are, moping around and feeling sorry for ourselves. But we'll have memories, won't we? At the risk of sounding a little clichéd, no one can take those away from us. These friends we made will always be our friends, no matter what world or what time they came from."

The four others in the room let Peter's words sink in for a while. Finally, Caspian spoke up again.

"But I'll still miss them," he said.

The Pevensies merely nodded their agreement.

Anamaria, who hadn't been sleeping very well anyway, woke up immediately when she heard a bump, followed by a soft curse. Turning over, she was surprised to see that the person who had cursed was the well-bred Miss Swann. Unable to keep from smiling, she spoke up, startling Elizabeth.

"And where, may I ask, have you been?"

Elizabeth, who was still in her dress even though it was two in the morning, blushed a rather becoming shade of crimson.

"I was walking," she replied, in a rather too-innocent tone. Anamaria rolled her eyes.

"O' course you were. And my captain has sworn off rum."

"It's true," Elizabeth said defensively. "I just needed to walk and clear my head. I did, however, manage to cross paths with your captain, now that you mention him. I went ahead and told him about the mission being over with, so I'm sure most people will know about it by the time we meet tomorrow morning."

Anamaria wasn't at all surprised that Elizabeth had just discussed Jack Sparrow without batting an eyelash. Thanks to the AFBs, and the success of their quest, Elizabeth's mental health had improved considerably. In fact, for the past week, she had even been taking evening strolls with Will.

"Well, you told the right person," Anamaria agreed. "He'll have it all over Rivendell in no time."

Elizabeth smiled a little as she took her nightgown into the small dressing room and began to get ready for bed. When she emerged, Anamaria was watching her closely. Something was wrong. Being a pirate, Anamaria was not exactly the most educated of people. But common sense and insight were things she possessed in abundance and these things served her well now.

"What's wrong, 'Liz?" she asked, as the younger girl put away the dress she had been wearing earlier.

"Nothing, really. I was just thinking about how hard it would be to leave everyone."

"I know how you feel. For weeks, I've been longin' to feel the sea air on my face and listen to the sound of the waves lappin' up against the ship. Now that everythin's done, I sort of wish it wasn't."

Elizabeth nodded in understanding.

"Cheer up, though, lass. When we get back to our world, I'll be on the Black Pearl again. And you'll be plannin' your wedding with Will. Things'll be back to normal now that we've gotten rid of the fanfiction. You'll see."

Anamaria turned back on her side and appeared to go right back to sleep. Elizabeth climbed into bed and laid her head back on the pillow, staring at the ceiling.

"Yes. Normal," she repeated. But she didn't sleep that night. Truth be told, neither did Anamaria.

"I suppose we'll never see them again."

"No, Evelyn. I guess we won't," Celia replied, trying to make her voice sound comforting but failing miserably. Anck stood nearby, looking out the window. She hadn't said a word all night long.

"I'll miss them," Evelyn said wistfully. "When we started out on this mission, I never dreamed all of us would grow so close. Now, I can't imagine living in a world without all of them. Is that strange?"

Celia smiled at her friend.

"I don't think it is."

"Well, we can't stay here," Anck finally said softly, never turning from the view. Evelyn walked over and joined her.

"What are you looking at, Anck?" she inquired, peering out the window herself.

"Nothing, really," the concubine replied. "I guess I'm just...making a memory of sorts."

Evelyn looked over at Celia, surprised by Anck's mood. Celia, however, was not surprised at all. She knew Anck had a softer side. She also walked over to the window and put an arm around each of her friends.

"You know what, Anck? I think that making a memory is an excellent idea. I doubt seriously that we'll ever forget the friends that we made here. And think of it this way. Some of them are from our world, just our future world. Perhaps we will see a few of them again."

"Maybe you will. But when I go back, I'll be back in Egypt. Long before the two of you were born."

Celia didn't really care to go into the complications of reincarnations and past lives, so she comforted Anck the only way she knew how.

"You'll be with us in spirit, Anck. Don't forget that. You always have been."

Anck merely smiled and nodded at her friend before turning back to the view.

Needless to say, at the conference the next morning, not many members of the fellowship were in the best of moods. They didn't really say much to one another, other than to say hello, and everyone in Rivendell felt as though there was a cloud hanging over them that morning.

When the conference came to order, Arwen stood and began to speak.

"You have fought bravely, my friends. And now I have wonderful news for you. The quest is over. Our worlds are free from fanfiction!"

A cheer erupted from the crowd that had gathered. Just as Anamaria had suspected, Captain Jack Sparrow had indeed managed to get the word out. Most already knew the quest was over, but they were excited to hear it officially, nonetheless.

"We have all become friends over these past few weeks," Arwen continued. She bit her lip slightly, struggling not to get choked up. "I would be lying if I said this announcement fills me with pure joy. For with our victory comes the knowledge that we will have to say goodbye. I will not keep you any longer, but I wish to give you a proper farewell in the language of my kin. Daniel will translate."

Daniel, surprised by this turn of events, had to be pushed out of his seat by O'Neill. The archaeologist walked over and stood by Arwen, who gave him a smile.

"I am sorry to surprise you like this, Daniel," she whispered. "I could have asked one of my brothers or Haldir to translate. But I really wanted you to do it. Do you mind at all?"

Daniel smiled back at her.

"Not at all, Queen Arwen," he responded, using her title for the first time since they had met. Arwen turned her attention back to the crowd.

"I realize not all of you will be able to hear me, so I just ask that you pass my words back through the crowd."

She took a deep breath and finally said the words she had decided on during her sleepless night.

"Na Elbereth veria le."

"May Elbereth protect you," Daniel translated.

"Na elenath din sela erin rad o chuil lin."

"May her stars shine on the path of your life."

"I Melain berio le."

"May the Valar keep you."

"Rim hennaid."

"Many thanks."

"Namaarie."

"And farewell."

The crowd was silent for a moment as Arwen's words sunk in. Then, slowly at first, some begin to clap. Soon, all of Rivendell was filled with applause and cheering. Arwen turned away, but Daniel had already seen the tears forming in her eyes. After a few moments, the group began to disperse as people started to say goodbye to their friends. But Arwen was nowhere to be found.

It was evening in Rivendell now. And it was quiet. Very quiet. The peace Glorfindel had longed for now thundered in his head. Most of the people/characters who had come to help with the quest had returned to their own worlds. There remained only the members of the fellowship and even Glorfindel had to admit that he hated to see them go.

Glorfindel was on his way to the council area. Arwen had summoned everyone there for a final meeting of the Fanfiction Fellowship. It had been the first time anyone heard from her since that morning. She had hidden herself well after the conference. Not even her brothers had been able to find her. At Celia's suggestion, the fellowship had reluctantly given up their search for the missing Queen of Gondor.

Now Arwen was sitting in her father's seat again, her two brothers standing just behind her. She was very pale, but gave no other signs of being upset. Eowyn and Haldir sat on either side of her. The rest of the fellowship sat around the council area in their various groups. In the center, there were the few things that the non-Middle Earth members had brought with them. Arwen had asked them to bring their things to the meeting.

Once Glorfindel had arrived and was seated, Arwen started to speak.

"I received a visit this afternoon. It seems that now is the time for your departure. It is...very difficult for me to say goodbye to all of you. I never dreamed that we would become as close as we are. This...visitor informed me that she will be the one to send you back to your own worlds. This is only fair because she is the one who brought you here to begin with."

"Who is it?" Lucy asked.

"That will be revealed soon enough," Arwen replied, smiling sadly. "But first, I wanted to have a proper farewell for all of you. My brothers and I have some gifts that we would like you to take, as a remembrance of your time here in Middle Earth."

They all started to protest, but Arwen held up one hand.

"Please, do not refuse these. They are meant to show the affection I have for all of you. Anamaria and Elizabeth?"

The pirate and the governor's daughter stood reluctantly and made their way over to Arwen. The daughter of Elrond addressed Anamaria first.

"Anamaria, you live a life that most women would not have the courage for. I spoke with Eowyn last night and, together, we decided that this gift would be best for you."

Arwen held out a knife, much like the one Aragorn had once received from Galadriel, and Anamaria's eyes widened as she reached out and took hold of the handle.

"What does this mean?" she asked, running her finger along the flat edge of the blade. Arwen smiled.

"Gil sila na lu govaded. It means 'A star shines on the time of our meeting'."

"Thank you, Arwen," the pirate sounded curiously choked up. "I don't think I've ever seen a finer weapon."

Anamaria slowly walked back to her seat, never taking her eyes off the knife in her hand. Then Arwen turned to Elizabeth.

"I understand that, upon your return to your home, you are to be married to Will."

"Yes," Elizabeth replied, blushing faintly. The rest of the group smiled. In spite of the rocky start, they had all grown a bit fond of the young blacksmith and it had been plain to see that he practically worshipped Elizabeth.

"I wish you all happiness in your life together. If you love each other half as much as Estel and I do, you are indeed blessed. I want you to have these. They are made of mithril. One is for you and one is for your future husband."

Arwen handed Elizabeth two rings, one obviously smaller than the other. Both had intricate Elvish designs on the outer band. On the inside of each band...

"U i vethed, na i onnad," Arwen said, anticipating the next question. "It means 'This is not the end, it is the beginning.' Always remember that, Elizabeth. Marriage is not the end of an exciting romance. It is merely the beginning of an even more exciting life together."

"Hannon le, Arwen," Elizabeth said, her eyes shining. Arwen looked surprised for a moment, then smiled and nodded slightly. She motioned Caspian and the four Pevensies forward next.

"I am afraid your gifts are not quite so personal."

"We don't require gifts from you, Queen Arwen," Caspian spoke up. "That we would receive anything at all from you is honor enough."

"You behave as a true king should, Caspian," Arwen smiled at the young man. "Even though you are younger than most. A true king needs a true sword, and that you shall have."

Elrohir brought forth a beautiful sword in a sheath. The hilt of the sword was engraved with Elvish designs and the setting sun gave the blade an almost ethereal look. Caspian was speechless as he took it and Arwen turned to his companions.

"You are all kings and queens in your own right, but I have come to understand that Narnia, your kingdom, is not your real home. At least, not right now. We were not entirely sure of what would be useful in your world, but for Lucy and Susan I have two necklaces."

Both necklaces were made of mithril and had a pendant closely resembling the Evenstar. The girls stood in awe as Elladan and Elrohir placed them around their necks.

"And for Edmund and Peter, I have once again resorted to weapons. I understand it is not uncommon for boys of your age to have something called a pocket-knife. We do not have those here, but I thought I could at least give you these."

The knives given to the boys were hunting knives, quite a bit smaller than the one given to Anamaria, but very sharp as well. The blades were engraved with one word. 'Astaldo'.

"That means 'valiant'," Arwen explained. "Because that is what you both are."

"Thank you, Queen Arwen," Peter whispered, when he realized that no one else in his group had recovered their powers of speech, yet.

Next came Anck, Evelyn, and Celia.

"For you, Anck-su-namun, and you, Evelyn O'Connell, I give you the weapons you used the first time we battled fanfiction evil together."

Both women smiled, and Celia chuckled a little, as Elladan and Elrohir brought the 'sais' to Evelyn and Anck. It looked as though Arwen had seen fit to bring them from Lothlorien for some reason.

"I realize you never had to actually use them, but you never can tell when they might be useful."

She received two smiles and two thank-yous in response to that, then turned when she heard Elrohir's voice. The twins were standing in front of Celia.

"Our sister has her own gift for you, little one," Elrohir said, using the nickname Celia usually hated. "But Elladan and I thought you might need these at some point."

He held out an object that Arwen couldn't see, but she heard Celia begin to laugh. Stepping closer, she saw the 'gift' and smiled as well.

Celia had been given a pair of scissors and, attached to the handle were three thin little braids of hair. One of the braids was obviously from Legolas' head, the other two were dark, nearly black, and Arwen realized they belonged to her brothers. Elladan spoke up.

"We thought that, since you seemed to have such an affinity for Elven hair, we would just add a bit to your collection. My braid is the shiny one."

Elrohir shot his twin a dirty look.

"My hair is just as nice as yours," he protested.

"What?" Elladan looked shocked. "It is not. Compared to me, your hair looks like Estel's!"

"Take that back!"

"Stop it, both of you!" Arwen exclaimed, although she was rather amused by her brothers' argument. So was the rest of the fellowship if the snickers and chuckles were any indication. Elladan and Elrohir stopped accordingly and Arwen stepped closer to Celia, throwing a casual remark over her shoulder at the twins.

"I happen to like my husband's hair," she said in a low tone. Both her brothers smirked.

"Celia, it has been truly fascinating to know you. You should not exist at all, but…by some blessing…you do. I am very glad that we had this chance to meet. You are the wife of a chieftain, the wife of a warrior. In essence, you are a queen. But even a queen sometimes finds the need to defend herself. Just as I gave your friends the weapons they used in our first battle with fanfiction, I give you the same."

Arwen held out the sword that Celia had brandished on that fateful day. The 'little one' took it, tears glistening in her eyes as the knowledge that she would have to say goodbye hit her full force. Arwen turned away before she started crying as well. She made her way over to the team of SG1, who all stood immediately.

"Jack, Samantha, Daniel, Teal'c. Where you come from is a world of wonder. The things you have told me about seem impossible. I do not know what we have that could compare with the technology of your world. But I give you these gifts. Teal'c?"

Teal'c looked at Arwen, his expression unreadable as always.

"You are a warrior and, as such, deserve to have a fine weapon. But you are also tender of heart and that has been most apparent in your treatment of our hobbit friends. Glorfindel is also a warrior of great renown, but he has other talents that are not really common knowledge. One of those is the ability to capture a person's essence on parchment."

Arwen held out a rather large parchment and Teal'c took it. As he looked at it, Arwen saw the muscles in his jaw begin to work a little. Clearly, the Jaffa was touched. One week ago, Glorfindel had drawn Teal'c sitting in the FFC, surrounded by the six hobbits, telling a story about one of SG1's adventures. Arwen remembered the night in question and Glorfindel had captured it perfectly. All the hobbits were looking at Teal'c enraptured by his tale of travel to other worlds and meeting other races. And, though Tealc's face seemed to be impassive, his eyes told a different story.

"Thank you, Queen Arwen," the Jaffa finally choked out. Arwen put a hand on his arm and then moved to Jack.

"Once again, a warrior. You are a hard man to figure out, Jack O'Neill. You lead your team into dangerous situations, you would kill or be killed before seeing them harmed. Yet you are still kind and compassionate. Oh, I see it even if you do try to hide it. Do not attempt to dispute that statement."

Jack clamped his mouth shut.

"You remind me of my husband a little," Arwen continued. "Although that has nothing to do with your gift. I am afraid that all I could come up with for you is a weapon. You are an enigma. It is possible that I will never understand you."

"It's possible no one ever will," Daniel muttered. Samantha giggled softly and Jack shot both of them a dirty look.

"Your gift is a knife, Jack O'Neill," Arwen fought back a smile over Daniel's statement. "Something like Anamaria's, but not quite as large. It has been made so that you can take it on your missions without it being in the way too much. Oh, and Daniel helped a little."

"I did?" asked Daniel.

"Yes, you did," replied Elrohir. "Thank you, by the way, for showing me what those 'Stargate symbols' looked like."

Jack took the knife out of its sheath and smiled. The blade was engraved with Elvish designs, of course, but it also contained symbols from the Stargate.

"Sweet," he said. Arwen raised an eyebrow at this word, but just shook her head in amusement and moved on to Samantha.

"You have been a great help to us, Samantha. I admire you for the work that you do and I loved getting to know you. I believe you mentioned something to me about wanting to study some things on Middle Earth more closely."

"Yes, some of the metals you have here and a few of the plants," Sam nodded.

"Elrohir has a small box containing those things you specifically mentioned to me. You can take them all back with you and study them, as you say, to your heart's content. But I also have this for you."

Arwen handed Samantha a bracelet, made out of mithril like the other jewelry, and woven into something resembling a Celtic knot. Decorating the bracelet were some small, blue stones that Jack privately thought matched Sam's eyes perfectly.

"Thank you, Arwen," Sam said as she twisted the bracelet around on her wrist.

Daniel was next.

"Daniel Jackson, you and Samantha prevented a great deal of trouble by inventing our AFBs. For that, you both have our eternal thanks. You have also been given a knife, very much like Jack's, but there is one more thing. Your thirst for knowledge and love of other cultures is overwhelming. Before our father left for Valinor, he rewrote our oldest histories. The old parchments were so faded. But I want to give you these new ones. Glorfindel and Erestor agreed with me on this decision and have already begun copying the old documents for our own library. These, mellon nin, are yours."

The archaeologist was speechless as Elladan and Elrohir laid two huge bundles of scrolls and parchment at his feet.

"Arwen," he finally managed, "surely you know that the story of Middle Earth is written. I cannot accept the history of Middle Earth from your library. It is much more valuable to you. The history is written in my world as well."

Arwen leaned in closer to Daniel and lowered her voice.

"He missed some, Daniel. What we have here is much more detailed. There is more information in these scrolls than you could ever imagine."

Daniel's eyes lit up and a slow grin spread across his face.

"Hannon le, Arwen. Hannon le."

Arwen smiled, stepped back and went back to her seat. She turned around and faced all of them.

"All of you mean so much to me now. It is very difficult to say goodbye, but I know it must be so. I will miss all of you terribly. I am thankful, however, for the memories I have of our time together. Goodbyes are not something I enjoy, so this will be a short final word. Namaarie, my friends. My grandmother, Lady Galadriel of Lothlorien, will escort you back to your homes."

Galadriel suddenly appeared in the midst of everyone, causing several to jump in surprise. With a smile that served both as a greeting and a farewell, she was gone almost as quickly as she came. And when she left, she took the 'outsiders' with her.

* * *

A/N: I told you. I told you it wouldn't be a funny chapter. Don't worry. Chaos begins in the next chapter. Please review. Love, love those reviews.


	25. Epilogue

**Chapter 25: Epilogue**

Disclaimer: Don't own it, never will.

A/N: Okay, this is it. The final chapter. Enjoy!

Shout-Outs…FROM THE PAST!:

Star-Stallion: Of course you can't get rid of fanfiction. Can you? Well, we'll see. Hope this chapter sheds a little light on the situation for you.

Julia: OMG! If you send me Daniel Jackson, you will officially be my new best friend. And if not, well, it doesn't matter if you do it or not. I like you anyway. Yes, I actually got an image in my mind of Elladan kicking dirt at Haldir's shoes and shouting. It was very amusing, to say the least. But somewhat disturbing. And you liked the rings? It was originally going to be a mithril circlet with a sapphire to hold Elizabeth's veil in place. But I liked the idea of the rings better.

LadyDeb: I thought of you when I put in that bit about that hair. I was hoping you'd like it. And, yes, it was bittersweet. But, like you said, most goodbyes usually are. I'm glad you seem to be so touched by it.

Dreamstrifer: I think you may be right. I can't think of anyone outside my family who actually _knows_ who Bruce Campbell is. I need more friends like you. I'm so glad you liked my portrayal of you, er, I mean the portrayal of the girl bearing an uncanny resemblance to you. And I have a special treat for you.

Pippin, Merry, and Sam are singing while Aragorn, Faramir and Legolas dance behind them. Well, Faramir and Aragorn are dancing. Legolas just looks like he'd rather be anywhere else.

P,M, and S (giggle. I never noticed what that spelled before): 'You and I will settle down in a cottage built for twoooo-oooooh...

Aragorn: DEAR!

M, P, and S: little Buttercup!

Faramir: SWEET!

S, P, and M: little Buttercup!

Legolas (in monotone with arms crossed, looking thoroughly embarrassed): My little Buttercup.

All (singing): I love you!

**SPECIAL SHOUT-OUT: **To everyone who has ever reviewed this story and to everyone who has not reviewed, but only read it, I give you huge thanks. Not one flame on this story at all! And the rest of you have made me feel that, if I ever did get a flame, you would jump to my defense in a heartbeat. I can't tell you how much I've enjoyed writing this story and I hope that, just because it's ending, doesn't mean you'll quit reading my stories. I'll write others. All of you are wonderful! Hannon le, my friends. Namaarie!

Love, Tierney Beckett aka Melanie

* * *

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;The Gardens of Minas Tirith

Arwen wandered about the gardens listlessly. She was, as the present world would put it, in a funk. Nothing really excited her these days. How long had it been since anything remotely interesting had happened in the walls of this city? The queen honestly couldn't remember. Estel was no help. He was always busy with some sort of council or greeting ambassadors from foreign lands. Arwen had hardly seen him for the past three days, actually.

She sat down on the rim of a nearby stone fountain and made trails through the water with her finger. If she had been paying more attention, she certainly would have noticed that someone coming towards her. When someone tapped her on the shoulder, she was startled and therefore knocked off balance. Her 'posterior' slipped straight into the clear, cold water of the fountain. Arwen looked down in shock and then started to laugh.

"Oh, Arwen! Arwen, I'm so sorry," Eowyn exclaimed as she took her friend's hand and pulled her upright. Arwen merely shook her head.

"Do not apologize, Eowyn. At least it brought a little excitement to the day," she replied, fanning her dress a little in the hopes that the circulating air would dry it a little quicker. "Come. I suppose I shall have to change. If this were just a regular day, I daresay I would much rather stay out here and let the wind dry it."

"Is this not a regular day?" inquired Eowyn, as the two made their way to Arwen's chambers. Arwen shook her head.

"No," Arwen sighed. "I am to meet with the wives of the Easterlings who have come here for a visit. Estel is entertaining the men so it falls to me, of course, to be with the women. And I do dread it."

"I could come with you, if you like," her friend offered. Arwen brightened instantly.

"Would you, Eowyn? I would be forever in your debt. These things can be so tedious at times."

"It seems that everything is tedious these days," said Eowyn as they entered Arwen's room. Arwen quickly selected a gown and disappeared into the dressing room. Through the thin door, they continued their conversation.

"You feel it as well?" Arwen asked. She heard Eowyn sigh.

"I hate to sound childish, Arwen, but things have become so boring lately. Every day brings the same thing. There is nothing new to look forward to. And sometimes I get the feeling that Faramir has forgotten I even exist."

"Faramir too?" said Arwen, emerging from the dressing room in a clean, dry gown.

"Do you mean Aragorn has been the same?"

"Yes."

Both women stared at each other for a little while before Arwen finally spoke up.

"Eowyn, I hate to even think this..."

"Do you think...?"

"I suppose it is possible..."

"But this was supposed to solve..."

"Yes, I know. Perhaps we were..."

"No. Don't say it. Arwen, don't..."

"...wrong."

Eowyn closed her eyes. Now that it was out in the open, there was no ignoring it. It had been two months since the breaking of the Fanfiction Fellowship. Anyone with half a wit could do the simple math and figure out that two months ago was when things had begun to be...well...boring for lack of a better word.

"It simply can't be," Eowyn breathed, collapsing into a strategically placed chair.

"I am afraid it is," Arwen bit her lip, just as reluctant to admit the truth as Eowyn. But it was hard to ignore facts. "I know I can be stubborn, Eowyn, but I can also admit when I am wrong. And I think I carried things a bit too far. Perhaps, instead of demanding that they stop writing fanfiction altogether, we should have made a bit more reasonable request. Not writing so _much_ fanfiction or maybe we should have asked them to just keep each other in check, consider how we would feel about what they were writing. I really think I have made a mistake, Eowyn."

The shield maiden was silent. She wanted to argue with Arwen, but she couldn't. After all, she had begun to feel the same way about two or three weeks ago.

"We will have to do something about it."

"What? What can we do about it?" Eowyn asked, exasperated with the situation.

Arwen nibbled on the tip of her pinky finger, a habit she had picked up from Evelyn O'Connell, as she thought.

"I do not know," she finally said. "But I know someone who does. First things first, however, Eowyn. We have to attend a meeting of politics with women from the East. Tonight, I will find out what we can do. Meet me tomorrow morning by the fountain you pushed me into earlier."

"Arwen! I did not push you!" cried Eowyn, aghast that Arwen would think such a thing.

"Of course you did not, mellon nin," Arwen said in a patronizing tone. She patted Eowyn on the cheek, an action which never failed to irritate the Lady of Ithilien, and swept out of the room. Eowyn rolled her eyes and followed in a huff.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' ''''That Night

Arwen tossed and turned, unable to sleep. The sound of Aragorn's snoring pierced the darkness and Arwen sent a glare in that general direction. Aragorn _never_ snored before...

But that line of thought would get her nowhere. Arwen had already realized that her plan had backfired. Giving up on sleep, she felt her way through the darkness to the doors that led onto the balcony. When her hand landed on a knob, she heaved a sigh of relief and opened the door, stepping out in to the moonlight. The sky was so clear, so illuminated with stars that she was afraid the light would wake her husband. She quietly closed the door and made her way over to the railing.

Looking down over the city of Minas Tirith, she sighed. The only way she knew to fix this problem would be to speak with her grandmother. Or at least her mother. But, unfortunately, she had only been able to do that in dreams. And, thanks to Aragorn, it didn't look as if she would be getting sleep any time soon.

"Are you so certain, daughter of Celebrian, that your grandmother is the only one who can help you?"

Arwen whirled around at the sound of the voice behind her and came face to face with a maiden. A maiden more beautiful than any Arwen had ever seen before. An ethereal light shone from her that comforted Arwen. Somehow, she knew exactly who the maiden was.

"Luthien," she breathed. The maid nodded slightly.

"Yes, I am Luthien. I have been watching you, Arwen Undomiel. It seems to me that you have gotten yourself into something of a mess."

"So I was wrong to stop fanfiction, then," Arwen said, her suspicions confirmed.

"You were," Luthien's voice held a light rebuke. "It says much for you that you are so willing to admit your mistakes. Arwen, you can bring fanfiction back."

Arwen frowned. She wasn't certain that she truly wanted to bring fanfiction back. Surely she could learn to adapt to this new world she now found herself in. Eventually, she could spend more time with Estel, Legolas would still come for visits and Arwen knew he could find the fun in anything, and...

Her train of thought was interrupted by a particularly loud snore from inside. Arwen winced and Luthien smiled slightly.

"How do I do it?" Arwen asked, the snore putting her over the edge.

"First of all, you must bring everyone from the fellowship back to Middle Earth. You began this quest with them and you must end it with them as well."

"I have no way of notifying them," the elven queen explained. "Last time, they just appeared in Middle Earth."

"This time will be different, Arwen," Luthien persisted. "This time, you must go to their worlds and bring them here. I can help you with this, although I do require one small thing."

"Anything."

"Your firstborn."

Arwen stared at Luthien in shock, unable to speak. After a moment of silence, Luthien rolled her eyes.

"Well, I see you have inherited your sense of humor from your father. Arwen, I have no intention of taking any child you ever have. What would I do with a child? The idea is ridiculous."

"I-I am sorry. I am just so worried about all of this. You caught me by surprise."

Luthien nodded in understanding.

"Arwen, I do not ask much of you. Only this. When you finally speak to the fanfiction writers, and I know you will, I want you to give them this."

Luthien handed Arwen a thick, sealed envelope. Across the envelope, written in big, bold script were six letters.

"L.U.V.I.F.C.?" Arwen questioned, reading out loud. She started to open it, but Luthien stopped her.

"No. This envelope is to be delivered to one person only. Her name, I believe, is Terreis."

The name struck a chord with Arwen and she racked her brain for a memory.

"Oh, yes. Was that not the name of the young woman who wanted to keep Daniel with her?"

Luthien smiled.

"Yes, that is she. She is the one you need to seek out, Arwen. No one else may see the contents of this envelope before she does. She HAS to be the first. Do you understand this?"

Arwen scowled slightly.

"No. No, I do not understand any of this, Luthien. But if there is anything I learned during my last adventure, it is that there are many things of this world that I do not understand and probably never _will_ understand. I will do as you say. No other but Terreis will see the contents of the envelope you have given me."

"Very good. Keep that envelope with you always, Arwen. If it falls into the wrong hands, it could be dangerous. Terribly dangerous. Oh, and one more thing. There are forces working against you. Do not trust anyone outside the fellowship. There are many who would see fanfiction wiped away completely."

"Legolas?" Arwen ventured. Luthien grinned.

"The poor elf. He has many troubles, Arwen, that is true. But, to be honest, fanfiction is the least of those. If you think about it, he was really getting into scrapes long before fanfiction was even around. The only things he has suffered from fanfiction are Mary-Sues and slash. Trust me, Arwen. We will find a way to help him _and _bring fanfiction back. I promise."

"Good. Because I do hate to see Legolas suffer. Luthien, how will we do this?"

"This is what I want you to do. Meet me tomorrow at midnight by the White Tree. I want both you and Eowyn to come. As a matter of fact, bring Faramir as well."

"Faramir? Why Faramir?" inquired Arwen, perplexed by this.

"Because I like him. And because I do not want you and Eowyn traveling to these strange worlds alone. Besides, he _is_ rather good-looking."

Again Arwen looked shocked.

"But what about Beren?"

"What about Beren?" the beautiful elleth seemed nonplussed. "I still love him. He is my heart, my soul, my very reason for living. Oh, wait. I suppose I can no longer use that last part, can I? Oh, well. Arwen, do not misunderstand me. I love Beren with every fiber of my being. But I can still think other men are good-looking. I am not dead, you know."

"Actually...you are."

"Oh, yes," Luthien laughed, prompting Arwen to wonder if her ancestor was a few fries short of a Happy Meal, as she had heard Jack O'Neill once say. "I seem to keep forgetting that, don't I? Well, no matter. I still think he is rather handsome. Can you honestly tell me, Arwen, that you have not thought the same thing?"

Well, no. Arwen couldn't tell Luthien that. Not _honestly_. Still, he wasn't nearly as handsome as Aragorn. At least, not in Arwen's opinion.

"I did not think you could," Luthien continued. "And now that we have this settled, I will be leaving. Do not forget what I said. The White Tree at midnight. No later than midnight or the chance will be lost."

"Wait! You never mentioned that!"

"Oh, did I not? Funny. It must have slipped my mind. Well, now you know. I must be off. Until tomorrow, then."

And she was gone. Just like that. Arwen stared at the empty space Luthien had once occupied before sighing in frustration. That experience had been...odd to say the least. The Queen of Gondor did not sleep that night. As soon as the sun rose, she dressed and summoned Eowyn to the council chamber. There was much to discuss.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;The White Tree, two minutes until midnight

"I still do not understand what I am doing here," Faramir said for what seemed to be the hundredth time since Eowyn had informed him of their mission.

"I do not understand it, either, my friend. But Luthien specifically requested your presence."

Eowyn narrowed her eyes slightly.

"I would still like to know why she was so insistent that my husband come with us," she said meaningfully. Arwen, very wisely, had not mentioned anything to Eowyn about Luthien thinking Faramir was handsome. While it would flatter Faramir, it would enrage Eowyn. She was terribly possessive.

"She said it was just for our defense. After all, Eowyn, we will be going to strange worlds."

Eowyn snorted.

"Jack, Sam, Daniel, and Teal'c do that almost every day," she replied.

"Yes, but we are not armed with AK47's and zats. They are."

"True."

"What in the name of the Valar are the two of you talking about?" Faramir began to raise his voice, truly confused by everything that had been going on since he had first heard about this ridiculous meeting. "What is a zat? And who are those people you just named? I do not understand any of this. Eowyn, I am going back to bed."

Faramir turned to go, but he was too late. Luthien appeared before him and the steward backed up a few steps, obviously just a wee bit scared.

"All will be explained in time, my Lord Faramir," Luthien said, smiling softly.

"Pardon me? I believe he is _my_ Lord Faramir," Eowyn hissed. Luthien smiled at her as well, which only served to irritate Eowyn further, before she addressed Arwen.

"You have done as I requested. You have my thanks," Luthien gestured delicately, as though Arwen should be honored beyond measure that Luthien was grateful. "Now, you will be going to these worlds in the order that they come to you. In other words, you will be visiting Anck, Evelyn, and Celia first. Then Elizabeth and Anamaria, and so on. I will be watching you. Once they are with you, I will send you all to the next world. Is that clear?"

"Yes, we understand," Arwen replied, although the look on Faramir's face said otherwise.

"Very well. Do you have it?" Luthien inquired.

"Yes. Yes, I have it," said Arwen, her hand immediately covering the area the envelope was concealed in. This only confused Faramir further, but he said nothing.

"Good. _I Melain berio le_, Arwen Undomiel."

"_Hannon le,_ Luthien."

Luthien raised her arms, Arwen closed her eyes, and the Queen of Gondor, the Steward of Gondor, and the White Lady of Rohan disappeared from the city of Minas Tirith.

* * *

A/N: And that's the end of the story! No, really. It really is. Honestly! Hey, wait! Put that firearm down! Don't you know it's illegal to carry that kind of weapon around? Geez.

Okay, okay. You got me. Technically, this _is_ the end. Of _this_ story. The sequel is another story entirely. Literally, another story.

Coming soon to a computer screen near you: The Further Adventures of the Fanfiction Fellowship

Okay, so it's a working title. What do you want from me? Well, how about a synopsis? Yes? Okay.

So, Arwen, Eowyn, and Faramir are racing across fandoms, recovering the other members of the fellowship. But 'someone' is trying to stop them. Someone doesn't _want_ fanfiction to be restored to the universe. Who will the fellowship have to fight to restore fanfiction? How will they do that? Will we ever find out what in the heck L.U.V.I.F.C stands for? For answers to these questions and others, tune into:

THE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF THE FANFICTION FELLOWSHIP


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